Saturday, March 30, 2013

Accomplishments trump the scale

Since the number on my scale is still slightly above 250 (where it has been fluctuating for the past 8-10 months), I decided that this blog post won't be about the number so much as about other things I have accomplished that I never could before.

Since I haven't written in a while, we'll go back to Cami's wedding and our family reunion in Florida!  For the first time ever, I played a full 18 holes of golf with my parents and new brother-in-law, Matt.  We did use a cart, but I don't think anyone realizes how tiring 4-5 hours of golf can be, even with the cart!  It was so much fun and it felt great to finish it.  I can't wait to play more this summer when my mom comes to visit.  An even bigger "accomplishment" is what we did for Cami's bachelorette party.  You will laugh, but it was just pure awesome-sauce.  My sisters, Cami's best friend Cori and I all took Cami to a pole dancing class. This is something I never had the desire to do and was terrified of every moment until we got there that night.  250+ lb women should NOT be swinging around poles in stilletos.  They really shouldn't.  But I did.  And I did it well!!!  It was a killer workout, but it was SO MUCH FUN!  I don't know that it's something I'll ever use as a regular workout, but it's definitely an accomplishment.  I overcame a fear and had fun doing it.  So glad I sucked it up and went!

Another big accomplishment for me was taking my first group class at the gym.  I've always had a horrible fear of working out alongside other people with my fat flapping all around and sweating like crazy.  I was afraid I'd embarrass myself.  So I made a deal with myself that when I hit 250 lbs, I was going to go.  But the closer I got to 250, the more I found I was sabotaging my efforts and keeping just far enough from 250 that I never quite hit it.  After talking to a few friends I decided to just GO.  So I swallowed my fear and went to zumba.  I fell in love with it from the first class and have been going 2-3 times a week ever since.  I still haven't quite hit 250, but fear is no longer the reason.  I'm so grateful to have a new way to workout.  Treadmills get old!

My most recent one is something I have already shared, but will elaborate on a bit anyway because it was a huge one for me!  The challenge in Jilly's Losers this week was posted by my friend Shawna...and she challenged us all to do a mini-triathlon.  That's a 5K run/jog/walk, 14 miles on the bike and a mile in the pool.    Originally, the idea was to just split it up over the course of the week and to just get it all done however we wanted to.  I was good with that.  That would've been easy spread out over 7 days.  But then she added another challenge.  She would put even more money in the prize pot for anyone who did the entire thing in one sitting!  AND....offered an even bigger prize to anyone who could beat her time!  Now I was motivated.  But terrified.  That's a lot of working out.  Because of my chronic bronchitis, I can't run for very long and biking has never been a very fast thing for me either.  I knew the swimming would be the easiest for me, since I'd grown up doing I decided to do that part last.  The night before, I had nightmares about doing this damn thing.  That's how terrified I was.  I wasn't sure I could push myself that hard for that long and I was just sure I was going to get sick or pass out.  But I woke up determined to at least try, even though I was sure I'd never finish.

I got on the treadmill and did my 5K in intervals.  I'd run for as long as I could stand and then walk until I was ready again...managing to finish 3.1 miles in just over 50 minutes.  My goal was to do it under an hour, so I was happy with that.  On the bike, I felt like my thighs were on fire the entire time and my butt was so sore I wanted to cry...but I finished 14 miles in an hour and I felt good about that too.  As I changed into my swimsuit for the last leg, I was already feeling like jello and red-faced and sweaty.  A lady in the locker room said to me, "If you get in that water, it's going to wear you out!"  I said, "Oh, I'm already worn out.  It'll be great."  haha.  And surprisingly, it was. The water felt good on my over-heated skin and I finally felt like I was in my element.  I'm no runner and I'm no cyclist...but I am most definitely a swimmer.  I've swam a mile a few times before and was always around the 42 minute mark.  But this time...I finished in 39 minutes.  I couldn't believe I set a personal best while already so worn out.  I felt like jello the rest of the day and my body refused to be satisfied by any amount of food for several hours afterward, but I had finished.  My time of 2 1/2 hours wasn't great by any means...but I FINISHED.  Not many people my size can say that.  I guess not many people smaller than me can say that either.  I was so proud of myself and I fully intend on doing it again sometime just to see if I can beat it.

So while my scale and I are in a disagreement about my weight...I know that I am still on the right road.  My life is SO very different now than it was at 330 lbs and when I want to throw my scale out the window...these are the things I need to remember and hold onto.  It may take me another couple of years to hit my goal weight, but I'm okay with that. Because there is so much more to this journey than a number.