Sunday, August 30, 2015

So...apparently losing weight is hard...

I know when I haven't written a blog entry in a long time it's usually because I'm not making any progress.  Time to vent I guess.  I'm sure the up and down of my entries gets old, but hey, that's life.

I've been riding the same 10lb roller coaster since June and it's kind of driving me crazy.  Okay, not just kind of.  I'm not going to blame my beautiful, sweet 8 month old......but okay, I'm going to.  Cause it's totally his fault.  Well....okay maybe like 80%.  Having a new-ish baby is HARD!

Yes, Cooper is my 4th child, but as Nathan likes to tell those who ask, "Is he your first?"....."He's our 2nd first."  And it's so true.  With a 15 year old, 11 year old and 8 year old....Cooper is like having a first child all over again.  The world and our lives are COMPLETELY different with this baby than with Emma back in 2006.  But I think the biggest difference, for me anyway, is that with the other 3 babies, I never bothered trying to lose weight after I gave birth.  I was severely obese and I had zero hopes of ever changing that...especially with little kids.  But now that I've been down that weight loss road and lost 122 of the 150-ish lbs I wanted to lose before I got pregnant...I'm in a very different boat!

I don't want to just be content to stay where I'm at post-baby.  And I'm not.  But since I've never done this before, I didn't realize just how hard it is.  Before Cooper came, I was at the gym for 1-2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week.  Period.  It was my ME addiction.  I was eating under 1500 calories every day without a problem and while I still had my splurges, I was able to keep my eating under control 90% of the time.  Now my time isn't mine anymore.  I have 3 kids back in school (which is when I'd normally hit the gym without inconveniencing anyone)....and a nursing baby.  I'm blessed to have a husband who works at night so he's home during the day, however, it doesn't feel right to just up and leave him with the baby for several hours every day.  I'm sure it bothers me more than it would him for me to do that...but at this point in time, I'm lucky if I get to the gym twice in a week.

Twice a week in the gym probably sounds like a lot to some people and it would be great if my eating were in check.  HA.  My eating.  Oh man....I had no idea that this is how it is when you're nursing a baby!  I am hungry...ALL...THE...TIME!!!  I nursed my other 3 kids, but only for 4 months each and always with supplemental formula bottles.  With Cooper, since I have the time to focus on it, I decided to try and nurse him for the entire first year.  I'm happy to report we're still going strong!  He does take a formula bottle once in a while now when absolutely necessary, but I still nurse him at least 3 times a day on top of all the solids he's eating.  That little man is a bottomless pit!  Like his mama!  But nowadays I'm lucky if I keep my calorie count under 2000!  To be fair, I don't count calories anymore since I've switched to Weight Watchers points, but I'm pretty consistent about using up every single point they give me each week.  Since I'm nursing I get 14 extra points a day...and yup, I use those too.

Food food food.  I know I've written about this before, but it bears repeating.  Food addiction is a real thing.  And there's no going cold turkey.  Ugh.  I know this is a roller coaster like everything else, but I'm hoping that a climb is in the near future as it feels like I've been free falling for entirely too long now.  Now that school is back in session and Cooper is a little bit more predictable in his schedule, I'm hoping that maybe I can become a bit more predictable in mine.  I need to get things under control before the holidays hit and everything becomes another excuse to binge on my favorite foods.

I lost 122lbs before....why is this so hard NOW???  I'm tired of having an entire wardrobe in my closet that I can't fit into.  Time to buckle down.  Again.  (I'm sure I'll be saying this multiple times in my life)