Thursday, November 16, 2017

Season 34 Holiday Rules & Guidelines!

1. Season 34 will begin on Tuesday, November 21. It will last 6 weeks and our final weigh in will be on Tuesday, January 2, 2018.

2. The buy-in fee this season will be $25. This is a singles season. Fees should be sent via Paypal to Jillyslosers@gmail.com with the note “Season 34 buyin fee” and your name. All fees MUST be paid by November 28. Make sure to mark your payments as being sent to family and friends to avoid any PayPal fees.

3. This season happens to fall during the holidays, which has always proved to be the roughest season of the year for Jilly's Losers. So this season will be a little different than the rest of the year and hopefully a bit less stressful (for me too!) For the first time ever, we’re going to do a “Choose your own goal” season! You may choose to either maintain or to try and lose some weight over the holidays. Whatever you choose, it’s up to you! When you post your starting weigh-in photo, you will also state your goal weight for the end of the season. You may not change it once you post it unless the change is to lose MORE. Anyone who reaches their goal weight will split the prize pot after the 6 weeks are up! Hopefully everyone reaches their goal and the split ends up only being a few bucks, but don’t worry! You’ll still have the chance to win bigger prizes for challenges! (NOTE: All prizes are given after challenge rewards are paid out and 10% is taken out of the pot for myself as insisted upon by you brats a few seasons back *grumbles*. Thank you lol)

ATTENTION!: For those of us who are current group members returning for season 34, I’m going to do something you may or may not enjoy haha. Your goal weight for the holiday season must be at or below your final weight for season 33. (If you missed the final weigh-in, your 3rd week weigh-in will be used. If you DQ’d before that, you will start over.) It really won’t be so bad though since all you have to do is be AT or LOWER than that weight in 6 week’s time. It’s totally doable for every single one of us! NOTE: You will still weigh-in on the 21st so that we can see where everyone is at and how we did on our week off!

4. Regarding weigh-ins: We have mandatory weekly weigh-ins every Tuesday. (Why Tuesdays? Because that's the day that The Biggest Loser aired on NBC when I started this group and it's just stuck!) Your weight picture must be posted by MIDNIGHT MST to count! Please weigh in under the same circumstances every week (morning/night/clothed or not, etc) As for strikes...you are allowed 2 missed weigh-ins per person. On the 3rd missed weigh-in, you will be disqualified and you will not get your $ refunded. (You may continue to stay in the group and weigh-in but you will not be eligible to win any $ or prizes either from challenges or the final weigh-in) Remember that weigh-ins must be a picture of the # on your scale WITH your feet showing. Not just a post of your weight.
5. Before pictures are MANDATORY. The pictures may be with or without a shirt (you'll notice more of a change if you do it without), but they must be full body pictures. If your before picture is not submitted within the first week of competition (by Nov. 28), you will be disqualified. (If you submitted an "after" picture for season 33, that will count as your "before" picture for season 34) Those who win prizes at the end of the season will not receive their prize money until an AFTER picture has been submitted and they must do so within 48 hrs of the winning announcement. NOTE: Newcomers to this group always worry that their pictures posted in the group will show up for the public to see. This group is secret. As long as you are on the group wall BEFORE posting your pictures, no one will see them but those in the group. Your pictures will show up on your own feed when you view it, but I promise you no one else can see it!

6. Starting and final weights will be confirmed with a KEY WORD. This is to ensure that starting and ending pictures are truly taken on the day of the weigh-in and not before. I will post the KEY WORD in this group the night before the first and last weigh-ins. It should be written on a piece of paper or notecard and placed at your feet in the front of your scale before taking your picture.

7. We will continue doing weekly challenges. They are not mandatory. But for this season, they will work a little differently! I like to do a 12 days of Christmas kind of thing where every day for 12 days (leading up to Christmas), a different prize is given away in a drawing. They will range from small gift cards to some really big prizes (depending on how big our group is)! What this means is that all of the challenges leading up to the 12 days of Christmas will earn you raffle ticket entries that can be used in any drawing you choose. Once the 12 days of Christmas begin, I will announce that day’s raffle prize first thing in the morning and you will have until that evening to decide if you want to use some of your tickets for the drawing, which will be done that night via FB live video. It’s a lot of fun with some fun prizes and hopefully will motivate everyone to work hard on the challenges to earn lots of tickets! NOTE: You may only win ONE prize during the 12 days of Christmas.

8. POINTS!!! Since so many of us rely on the points system to keep us on track during the week, I'd like to keep using it. The person with the most points at the end of 6 weeks will win a $25 Target or Amazon gift card.
-There is a weekly point calendar for each of the 6 weeks. (It will be posted as a separate document under the “Files” tab on the group page) Print it out and use to track your points and weight loss. If you prefer to use an excel spreadsheet that will do your math for you, Cody Mecham made one a few seasons ago that I’ve updated and will post as well for you to download.-Beginning on Week #2 there is a double point challenge (highlighted in yellow)
-You can exercise each day, but you will only receive points for exercising 5 days a week. You can earn 5 points for 30-44 mins of exercise and 7 points for 45+ mins. Just enter the minutes of exercise in the box on the excel sheet.
-Instead of no sugar/treats this season, we’re limiting it to one treat/serving per day. So when a neighbor brings over Christmas cookies, you just get one! Hopefully this will prevent any binges, but also allow us to enjoy the holidays in moderation.
-I’ve replaced “no carbs after lunch” with “get 7 hrs of sleep”, which may end up being harder for some! You can get 5 points for this…up to 4 times each week. “Sleep” means being in your bed TRYING to sleep. No phone, no tv, etc. You won’t be penalized for bathroom breaks or nursing babies.
-There is a sample food journal that you can use or you can use your own kind of food journal to keep track of what you eat.
-Daily contact with teammate: It’s amazing the strength that comes from encouragement from your teammates! We said that you could email, call, or text someone in the group to encourage them to have a healthy day. It helps knowing that you are all in this together and makes you accountable for what you do or don’t do. Posting or commenting on the group page also counts. Hitting LIKE does NOT count!
-There will be no extra points for pounds lost, but instead just the 5 points for either maintaining or beating your lowest weight of the season. NOTE!!!!! Points totals MUST be messaged via Facebook to Jill Tracy by midnight MST each Tuesday in order to be counted. With such a large group, I’m afraid there will be no exceptions. If you forget to tell me one week…they won’t count. I’m sorry!

9. Remember that this group is about gaining health and losing weight through eating right and exercising. Extreme/fad diets are not allowed. Weight Watchers and things like that are fine, but no pills/drops/powders etc.


10. This group is only for those who will be actively participating in the competition this season, so while I hope everyone will stick around, please know that if you choose not to join us this season, you will be removed from the group. You are always welcome to join us in later seasons https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fce/1/18/1f642.png:)

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Before and After...

What does that mean exactly. "Before and after" what? For most of the world, the first thought upon hearing those words or seeing someone's "before and after" pictures...whether it be for weight loss or any other drastic change...is that the "before" is bad and the "after" is good. Our first thought is, "Wow! You look so much better! Good for you!". But have you ever really stopped to think about the "in between"? Or the fact that there really is no "after" when it comes to losing weight and becoming healthier?

Before and after isn't just a picture. It's oh so much more than that.

Before...



I was morbidly obese.
I was depressed.
The most exercise I got was grocery shopping.
I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I wore a size 28.
I wore clothes that were baggy to hide myself.
I couldn't climb the stairs without feeling like I was dying.
I couldn't fit in most chairs.
I couldn't play with my kids for very long.
I snuck food and often ate in my car.
I had no friends because I didn't want anyone to see me.
I didn't feel attractive or worth anything.
I could go on, but I won't....this list is long enough.

After...



Well...frankly...there is no after. I'm not done! I never will be...because I'm not on a diet that will one day end with me being my ideal weight forever without having to work on it anymore. HA! If only, huh?

So how about this.

Now...

I'm only a few lbs over being labeled as "overweight".
I am the happiest I've ever been.
I exercise almost daily, whether in someone else's class or teaching my own!
I've learned how to enjoy eating healthier without feeling like I'm deprived all the time.
I wear a size 16.
I workout in leggings and a tank top and feel pride in my body and what it can do.
I can take the stairs running (though I still hate them!)
I can sit wherever I want...comfortably. AND I can cross my legs!
I can keep up with my kids no matter what they're doing and I set a good example for them!
I only eat in the car when on road trips and I'm not ashamed of what I eat (though we all have bad days!)
I have more friends than I can count and they support and love me in my journey.
I feel sexy! And I love myself and know that I am worth the love of others.
And finally...(for now anyway)...I am PROUD of myself.

But as great as all of those things are...they are far from being an "after". That list doesn't talk about the in between. I have worked HARD to get to where I am now and will have to continue to do so for the rest of my life. I will never be "done" with working out or "done" with eating fewer calories and having to exercise control over WHAT goes into my mouth and how much. If I stop doing those things...I will go back to the "before". And I don't want that. I am a food addict if ever there was one and I struggle every single day with cravings and the desire to eat anything and everything. Sugar is my crack.

I have been running Jilly's Losers (my online weight loss community) for 6 years now. In those 6 years, 310 (yes...I counted) different people have joined and given it a try. 310. That's a lot of people. Some of them stuck around and have become like my second family, though most of us have never met. A lot, however, found that it wasn't for them and only stayed for one season. It made me sad going through 33 seasons worth of names and not remembering so many of them.

Do you know how many "before and after" pictures I have on my computer from 33 seasons? That is A LOT of befores. But if we're getting nitpicky...there aren't really any "afters". I can't think of a single person who joined Jilly's Losers...changed their life, got healthy, lost weight and then said, "well, I'm all done. Thanks for the help!" and left forever without ever having to struggle again. We're all a work in progress. Every single one of us "losers" still has work to do.

I've seen countless stories in the past 6 years. I've seen severely overweight people become thin. I've seen couch potatoes become gym rats and marathon runners. I've seen people recover from injuries and life changing surgeries. I've seen people completely transform their entire lives in more ways than you can imagine and it's BEAUTIFUL to watch. But if you think it's been 6 years of nothing but the positive then you obviously haven't given it a shot yourself yet ;)

I've also seen determination turn to frustration turn to "I QUIT!" I've seen hundreds of pounds lost only to be regained again. I've seen healthy, hard-working athletes succumb to injury/illness. I've seen months and years of hard work seem to come undone as a result of work, stress, death, birth, sugar, addiction, exhaustion.....and any other number of things.

I've seen...LIFE.

And life is what happens between the "before and after".

I am beyond proud of all of the "works in progress" that I have had the opportunity to meet and work with. I have loved getting to know so many people and hearing their successes and their struggles. Every pound or inch lost...every burpee or pushup or mile run (or whatever crazy challenge I've made them do!)...has changed lives and pushed ME to be better. I am inspired daily by those I call my "losers" and while there may be times I feel overwhelmed or tired of the work involved...I wouldn't trade my losers for anything.

So here are just a few of them :) Each of them has worked their butts off (literally) to get to where they are now and I have LOVED watching their journeys. I'm grateful that I've gotten to walk alongside them for even a part of those journeys and I know I've made lifelong friends because of it.

This is Chrissy "before"! She started her journey long before she became a "loser" and she has inspired me every day since we met. She's a mom and an incredible photographer...and she is HILARIOUS!

NOW! Chrissy is down 135lbs and is as badass as they come. I asked her what is something she loves to do now that she couldn't before. In true Chrissy style, she said, "I love that I can sit cross-legged in chairs now. I spend so much time with my legs twisted under me and it's the best thing ever." It's the little things.

This is Kate "before"! She is a mom of 3 and works with the children's ministry at her church. She and I met in a workout class at our gym a few years ago and have been close friends ever since. I don't even recognize the girl in this picture!
NOW! Kate has worked extremely hard (this past year especially) to make exercise a regular habit and to entirely change the way she looks at food. She has lost 45lbs! She is now an avid runner and although she hates Zumba, we are still the best of friends haha. THOSE ABS THOUGH!!!
This is Cody! I've shared his story before, but it is worth repeating. Cody is the reason I finally gave the ketogenic diet a try this year and subsequently lost so much weight. He did it himself first and lost close to 100lbs! He has been such a wonderful motivator and source of knowledge for me and I know his entire life has changed because of the changes he made in himself and his lifestyle.
This is Melissa "before"! She often shares the story of being called a "petite plus sized woman" when this picture was taken at her son's 8th grade graduation several years ago and how that comment set her on the path that got her to where she is now!
NOW! Melissa lost 67 lbs to reach her goal weight and has been maintaining for months now...but she still sticks around my group for support. Little does she know that she's the one supporting us. She is strong and determined and doesn't let anything stop her. She recently completed her first marathon and qualified to run in the Boston Marathon in 2018!! She retook her "before" picture at the same son's high school graduation this year and the difference is stunning. Especially in her smile :)
This is Shari! I met Shari in a Zumba class at the gym. She was quiet and reserved but she never missed a class. I watched her from the back as she kept coming back smaller...and smaller, the smile on her face growing bigger and bigger. I admired her long before we ever said hello. Now she is one of my very best friends. We are workout buddies and each other's support system...and if there were a "Foodies anonymous" group, we'd probably be each other's sponsor. Despite a tough year, she has made her health a priority and I'm beyond proud of how far she's come. She's lost 64lbs! She pushes me to be better every day.


These "before" and "now" shots make my heart happy. Seeing my friends happy...makes my heart happy. But the best "before" and "after" of this whole thing is that before I met these people...and all 310 that have come through Jilly's Losers...I was a wreck. After meeting them, my life has changed for the better in more ways than I could ever count. Each of them has taught me something(s) and each of them has carried me through my own tough spots more than they know. I'm grateful we are all a part of one another's "in between".

Saturday, September 30, 2017

100lbs gone...again...

On July 2, 2013...I posted my giddiest post ever. I had lost 100lbs and was over the moon about it. It was fun to go back and read this yesterday as my scale FINALLY made it's way back to that mark.


It has taken me a long time to re-lose the weight I put on when I got pregnant with Cooper in 2014. It was very frustrating to see that scale go all the way back up to 284.1 before I finally buckled down in March of this year. I had forgotten how much better I feel at this weight. Everything is physically easier...work, play, cleaning...everything. And I love it.

When I hit this mark the first time around, my mama was in town and took me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. Hitting this mark again, I'm fitting back into those clothes and it feels like a whole new wardrobe all over again! It's nice to have clothes in my closet just waiting for me to wear them again...but it'll be even more exciting when I finally get into NEW territory.

I have 23 lbs to go before I hit 207lbs, which is how low I had gotten in 2014 I was when I found out I was pregnant. I would really like to break the 200 barrier by new years, but I'll be happy to hit 207 again. Of course these next 3 months are the hardest 3 of the year when it comes to weight loss...at least for me. Food is EVERYWHERE over the next 3 months and it's all my favorite kinds. October won't be so bad because my family is still doing "no sugar" until Halloween. But I need to come up with some ideas for how to keep myself from going overboard on pumpkin flavored everything and Christmas goodies when the time comes. I refuse to be the person who won't have any at all. I'll never be that person. But I'm going to have to set some boundaries so that I can enjoy the things I love (and only get once a year) without going on a complete binge. Being so close to my goal should help :) So will spending Christmas at home I suppose. We were hoping to go to Florida for Gregory's last Christmas before going on his mission next year...but airline prices are ridonkulous. So we'll be here. One plus to that is not having my mom's famous Christmas fudge in my face for 2 weeks straight haha. (Love you mama!)

Losing the weight this time around has definitely been harder. This last pregnancy screwed up the way my body works when it comes to weight loss and I had to tweak some things...but I've learned I really can do hard things. And those hard things have been completely worth it. I just feel...good. Really good. And I'm excited to inch closer to seeing a "1" at the front of my weight for the first time since 1998. It's gonna happen this time people. Nothing's gonna stop me.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Pep Talk...

One of the mini-challenges I gave my group this week was to write themselves a pep talk and share it with their teammates. So here's mine...

Jill...you have come such a long way, it's almost impossible to see the starting line. I know your motivation rises and falls like the worlds craziest roller-coaster, but you always bounce back from the lows. Always. When the tough days come, lean on the amazing friends and family you have that have always been there to support you. You wouldn't be where you are without them!

You can do hard things. You've changed your diet, your exercise habits, your way of thinking, your level of self-confidence and respect, your habits...your entire life. You are a completely new person and a constant work in progress. So even though sometimes you might feel like you're tired and fed up and like it's just not worth the effort any more...don't give up. Those feelings always pass. Always. Push through them, and let others help. You don't have to do it by yourself.

You are almost back to 100lbs lost! Don't let that become a mental road block for you. You've lost almost 50 lbs since March and know how to reach your goal of breaking into the 100's by New Years if you just keep on doing what you're doing. Keep fueling your body with healthy things. Keep exercising and pushing yourself a little harder each time. Keep sharing your struggles and your successes with others and keep right on improving. You've got this and I'm proud of you.

Love, me

Monday, August 7, 2017

Back to the extreme...

As expected, Girls Camp completely threw me off of my routine. I had a great time with the girls and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it definitely ran me off the rails as far as diet and exercise go. I tried to bring some of my own snacks and whatnot, but I really had no control over what was served each meal....and while I did have control over how much of each thing I ate, I exercised that control rather poorly. French toast, potatoes, chili cheese fries, cobbler with ice cream...I'd like to see most people say no to all those things haha.

But the problem wasn't so much the week at camp as it was that once I got home, I didn't jump right back into my routine like I should have. We had 2 sick kids and 2 weddings and 3 days of training for my new job...and I let it all become reasons to put off getting back on the wagon. We spent the last week eating out most of our meals and I'm pretty sure I've eaten my weight in baked goods. I truly feel sick. Not mentally....physically sick to my stomach. I don't know why we do this to ourselves. Eating that way makes me feel absolutely MISERABLE and yet it's so hard to stop!

Well today is a new day and it's time to go back to extremes. And this time the whole family is on board. Today is day 1 of no sugar in the Tracy house and the goal is to make it until Halloween (or Emma's birthday for herself...Oct. 20). I'll also be going back to doing the ketogenic diet every day, though the kids won't be doing that part with me. Ariana did ask if she could and I told her that she doesn't need to. I told her to just make healthier choices when it comes to carbohydrates. More fruit and veggies, whole grains, etc. She's excited to do it :)

I'm not as nervous about it as I was the first time around, since I know it works and works well...but I also know that I'm starting over from square one and the first 2 weeks SUCK. I'm not looking forward to it. When I was in full blown keto mode, I ate all my meals between 11am-7pm and rarely felt "hungry". Now it's barely 10am and I already feel like I'm starving. I know it's because I've lived off of carbs for the past 2 weeks and my body will need the time to re-adjust...but man it sucks. I'm so frustrated with myself for letting this happen. I knew it would happen...but it's like I just accepted it and let it happen instead of trying to fight it. Maybe one day I'll figure out why my brain works the way it does.

I need to get my eating under control because my workout schedule is going to be very different for the next couple of weeks due to lots of hours at work. I tend to struggle even more with my eating when I'm not getting in enough exercise so I need to really stay on top of it during these first 2 weeks. And I know I can do it because the first two weeks in March when I started this the last time were done while I was still unable to really workout due to my injury. So...no excuses.

So we're off and running. We have a new paper chain made and everyone has picked out something they want to earn should they successfully complete all 86 days of no sugar. I know for me, this is much easier when I'm not the only one doing it. Even Nathan and Gregory are in on it this time! So hopefully the 10lbs I put on in the past 2 weeks will come off quickly and I can continue on down towards breaking into the 100's by the end of the year.

Anyone else want to join us? ;)

Saturday, July 22, 2017

New job + girls camp = more routine change to challenge me!

After my mom and sister headed back to Florida (We had a BLAST with them here!) I was able to get back on track pretty quickly with my eating/exercise routine. Routine is what saves me. Routine keeps me motivated. In the past I really haven't done well when things change or when that routine is disturbed. So life is about to get very interesting!

Most pressing is Girls Camp. Since I am lucky enough to work with the young women (ages 12-18) in our church, I get to attend girls camp with them next week! While this is a lot of fun and a great experience to have...especially with my own 13 year old daughter...it makes me nervous. Last year around this time I had just lost about 20lbs and was finally in a good groove. Then girls camp happened. I did plenty of "exercising" around the camp...so that wasn't the issue. But I have no control over the food for 4 days and that's where I get nervous. After girls camp last year, I lost all mojo and ended up putting 30lbs on over the next 6 months. I REALLY don't want that to happen this year. It's not that the food at camp is super unhealthy or anything, it's just not what I've been eating for the past 6 months and it will be an adjustment to eat that way for a few days and then come back home and not let it become a habit again. I'm going to try and bring my own cooler with protein shakes/snacks to use as often as possible, but that won't fix everything lol. So I will just have to watch my portions, drink lots of water, load up on veggies/fruit when offered and promise myself to get right back on track the day I get home!

Exercising regularly has been easy for me for the past several years. I found workouts I love and it's just become habit for me to get a workout in at least 5 days a week. Well starting in August...even that is going to get challenged! I GOT A JOB!! I'm actually really excited. I haven't had a job in a long time. Yes, I know I'm a Zumba/fitness instructor, but at most that's an hour or two a week. Now I get to work part-time at the front desk of my gym. I'm really excited. When the job opened up, I jumped on it. I've always wanted that job, but wasn't sure if/when they'd be hiring or if I'd have the ability to even work outside the home given Nathan's job and the kids schedules etc. But it all worked out and I can't wait to start.

I have to get trained first, but once I am...I'll mostly be filling shifts for people who are sick/out of town or ones that no one is able to take. What this means is that I really won't have much of a regular schedule. While school is still out, I can fill in a lot more often since the older kids are home to watch my youngest while daddy works. This means that more often than not, I'll be working when normally I would be up in the aerobics room taking a class. This truly makes me nervous. I've relied on these classes for the past few years and while I know changing your workouts can often be a good thing...I really don't want to haha. So I will have to start trying out some of the harder classes that are offered at night or get back into working out alone with the weights/cardio machines. I'm nervous, but I know it'll be good for me. It's either that...or workout at home, and frankly I hate doing that if I don't have to.

So between camp and work, both my eating and exercise routines are about to get turned upside down and I am going to do everything in my power not to let it be the end of my progress. As of last week I was down to 243 and I REALLY want to get past that 100lbs lost barrier again. I do NOT want to see 250 again and have to go through that struggle yet again. So wish me luck....or hard work and determination. I'm gonna need it :)

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Well we knew it was going to happen...

Over the last couple of months as I did no sugar and low carb...the thing I probably heard the most from people was, "I wish I had your will power. You are so strong! How do you not give in?" I kept telling people that it wasn't always that way...and it wouldn't always BE that way. Being on a journey of health and weight loss has always been..and will ALWAYS be a roller coaster. That's why I ride the highs for as long as I can. Because I KNOW the lows will always come. Well here we are.

Something always happens in life whether good or bad that disrupts the routine and allows for old habits to seep back in. This time it's a great thing! My mom has been in town since the end of June and I LOVE having her here. I've been blessed with truly the best mother in the world (She just is, you all need to accept it and not argue me here :P). She is the most selfless person I know and having her around just makes life easier. And happier. Not to mention my kids are in heaven having their Gram around. Now if only Pappa (my daddy) were able to be here too! But having company always means a change in routine. And while I've definitely handled it better this year than in years past, it still tends to give me that mentality of "vacation" and I get a bit lax with my rules about eating. I'd say I can't help it but we all know that's not true. I just don't WANT to help it haha.

We've kind of had it both ways these past 2-ish weeks. Some days I make everyone, including my mom, eat MY way. And other days, we go out to eat or to parties or with friends/family...and I just enjoy it. My mom was also kind enough to make all her signature baked goods while Nathan and I were away celebrating our honeymoon so that there wasn't quite as much of it sitting around my kitchen. But it was still there. It's been a long time since I had sugar that actually tempted me...just sitting around my house. None of this is my mother's fault and I hope as she reads this she doesn't think I'm blaming her at all. This is just how my brain chemistry has always worked and the best way for me to work through it is to write about it! The sooner I write it, the sooner I seem to move past it.

Ironically last night was my first real "binge" in months...and my mom wasn't even here haha. She was at her high school reunion. But I had cravings that hit me HARD. I had eaten well/low-carb all day but it wasn't enough. And I was cranky and stressed and just plain MAD. And I said screw it. We had Thai food for dinner and I had more carbs than I can count. Then as we sat and watched a movie I ate about half a bag of the cadbury mini-eggs I had hidden back in March when I wasn't having sugar at all. I felt justified and ate every single one with an "I'm eating this and you can't stop me" attitude. Of course as I sit and write this, I feel sick to my stomach with a food hangover and regret every bite...but I think I needed to go through that. I think every once in a while...everyone needs to go through that. It's a growing and learning experience.

And I have grown. In the past, a binge like that would just be the start. It would last for days or weeks and I would go silent and depressed and probably put on another 10lbs. But not this time. I let my emotions take over and that's okay. I'm still learning how to deal with them without food and probably will be for the rest of my life. Today is a new day.

Tonight we have a dinner with a bunch of ladies I haven't seen in years. We're going to Zupas which is one of my favorite places...and used to be a binge issue for me. But not today. I know what salad I'm going to get and will be passing on the soup/sandwiches and desserts today. Because I don't need them. My mom is only here a few more days and I am not going to let food be the central focus while she is. It shouldn't be the central focus of anything frankly. But come Tuesday I will be making another paper chain and sugar is going right back out of the house. I REFUSE to put 10lbs back on before I start losing again. I'm below 250 and intend to stay that way permanently this time. So this is just a little detour on my road to better health...not a road block.

This dip in my roller coaster is going to be the shortest yet. Time to head back up that climb.