BREAKTIME! WOOHooo...??

I've been running Jilly's Losers for more than 2 years now and while I absolutely LOVE doing so, it can get really exhausting.  Weekly weigh-ins, planning challenges, tracking everyone's weight loss and body measurements and all sorts of other numbers....whew, I'm tired just typing it.  It has truly become my "job" and I love it.  I've never been so passionate about anything in my life (aside from my family obviously) and it feels so good to have something like that taking up my time.

But now season 8 is over and I GET A BREAK!!  A two week one at that!!  It's both a great thing and a horrible thing all at the same time.  With Thanksgiving coming up next week, I had to decide if I should start up season 9 right away and make everyone try to be good over the holiday...or if I should wait until the Tuesday afterward.  Normally the plan is to keep going over Thanksgiving and use the weigh-ins as motivation for everyone to go easy on the turkey, potatoes and pie!  But what usually ends up happening is we all have a gain anyway and then we just feel depressed when we have to get on the scale haha.  And since Thanksgiving is traditionally only one day of eating too much, it's usually pretty easy to get whatever is gained right back off.

Christmas time is a whole other story.  Most people tend to see the whole month of December as a free for all with parties every week and plates of goodies passed around...not to mention all the chocolate filling our stockings!! (and our kids stockings...AHEM).  The December holiday period is MUCH harder to navigate on our own so that's when I decided to really focus the next season for my group.

But in the meantime...I have this 2 week break that I have to worry about.  My brain is excited because I don't have to plan any challenges or stress over the day to day of things.  My body excited because I can ease up a tad on the strict diet I'd imposed on myself for the past 4 weeks.  (We'll just say that I had a massive food hangover today from the amount of indulging I did yesterday.)  My body is also excited because while I LOVE working out 6 days a week for 2-3 hours a day...I don't feel like I HAVE to.  I have a serious addiction to it though, so I probably will anyway, but I like having the option haha.  This 4 week season lost me 11.2 lbs and I feel AMAZING...but I also feel very drained.  Physically.  Emotionally. Mentally.  Just drained.  This will be a nice way to re-energize for the couples season that starts on Dec. 3!!

But taking a break that lasts a whole 2 weeks honestly scares the crap out of me.  One thing I have most definitely learned over the last 2-3 years is that if I'm not being held accountable to someone, somewhere...I have a VERY hard time staying on track and I slide right off pretty quickly.  I've been wearing my BodyMedia armband for as long as I've been running Jilly's Losers.  After about a year of wearing it and losing weight, I decided I didn't need it anymore.  I could do it on my own.  I didn't need to track my calorie burn or what I ate.  Nope!  I was a pro!  HAHAHA.  After plateauing for more months than I can remember, I put it back on.  Have worn it every day since.  My arm is dented and it's a permanent accessory on my body but it keeps me in line.

That's what weekly weigh-ins with this group do for me.  They keep me in line and smack me upside the head when I mess up.  I'm terrified that if I don't have that accountability looming over me, I'm going to eat my way through every food group (you know...the important ones like chocolate, chips, french fries and CHEESE!) until I've regained all the weight I spent the last 4 weeks losing and probably more.  And believe me, it's totally possible.  I've done it before!

But if I remember correctly, I recently posted that I would really love to be in One-derland by New Years. And frankly, if I'm going to be able to do that...I can't afford a backslide right now.  So I'm especially grateful this Thanksgiving season for the wonderful friends and family in my life who have pushed me and inspired me and sometimes drug me by the hair through the hard times...because I know they'll get me through these 2 weeks and far beyond.  I am truly blessed.

Frustrated with success...

That sounds so stupid now that I've written out the words.  It really does.

Today I finally broke the 220's.  I have been stuck there for months and today I finally weighed in at 218.6, which is a huge deal for me.  So why am I not jumping for joy and being happy about that?

I've lost 112 lbs to date, and that's great.  But it's also been a VERY slow process.  That's healthier, right? But still, this hasn't been an overnight thing for me.  I have had lots of plateaus and I've lost the same 10 lbs over and over at different points in my journey.  In any given week, I usually have more good days than bad when it comes to my eating, but I can rarely go more than a few days without either going out to eat or indulging on something that's on the less healthy side.  And despite that, I've always managed to lose a pound or two and press forward.  So why am I throwing a fit now?

I'll tell you!!!

3 weeks ago, I started a 4 week mini season in Jilly's Losers.  Winner take all, hardcore, kick your butt every day kind of season.  I have never won a single season of Jilly's Losers and that's okay because it's never been about the money.  But this time I really wanted to win it!  Mostly because that would mean that I was able to really buckle down and tough things out and do well for more than a handful of days at a time.  So I told myself that it was just 4 weeks and I wasn't going to go out to eat and I wasn't going to have a weekly cheat day where I go nuts.  I was just going to go balls to the wall and give it my all for those 4 weeks.

And I have.

There was one bad day in the last 3 weeks where I was stressed over something and may have eaten half a bag of Wavy Lays and a slice or two of cake. But that was it.  Other than that one wobble, I have been very near perfect with my eating.  I haven't eaten out.  I've made sure to eat a good healthy breakfast and then eat something every 3-4 hours (always a protein with a carb!!).  I've not eaten after 8 or 8:30pm.  I've not given in to late night cravings.  I've been drinking 100oz of water a day.  I've kept to my workout schedule, usualling logging at LEAST 8 hours a week in the gym or with my trainer.  I've gotten my 8 hours of sleep.  Life has been incredibly good.  My husband and kids have been VERY supportive and helpful and I made it through Halloween without eating a single snickers or reese's pb cup.  I may have snuck a few tootsie rolls, but that's not nearly the same!!  These past 3 weeks have very literally been the best I have had since I started this journey.

With all of that, I was sure I'd lose insane amounts of weight.  And the first week I did.  I lost 4.8 lbs.  That's INCREDIBLY good for me.  I think the most I've ever lost in a week is 5 something.  I was really excited. And then several people in my group started posting losses of 8-12lbs!!  I was SOOOO happy for them!  It's so incredible to watch people start their journeys and to see that it's working.  I can't describe the beaming pride I feel watching people change in my group.  But I'd also be lying if I said that I wasn't totally jealous! haha.  I've never seen numbers like that.  Not even when I first started.  But I kept going and made it through week 2.

Week 2 I lost 3.4lbs.  Another great loss for me.  2 great weeks in a row is really rare for me and I was so proud of myself.  And then again everyone else posted these huge inspirational numbers!  And I watched as my name slowly dipped down the list.  But again I told myself it wasn't over yet and I wasn't going to give up.

Week 3 was a bit tougher workout wise because my trainer/zumba instructor was out of town on vacation which threw me off a bit.  I still got in 8 hours at the gym though, which I'm pretty proud of!  My eating was still pretty near perfect though.  No wobbles.  So when I weighed in today I expected another 3-5lb week.  I had EARNED a 3-5lb week!  My face completely dropped when I saw I was only down 1.4.  I'm pretty sure I swore at my scale.  I checked it 4 or 10 times and the number wouldn't change.  1.4lbs in 7 days is pretty damn awesome and if anyone in my group lost that much and was upset about it I'd be telling them to celebrate their successes!!!  And yet here I was about to throw my scale out the window.

I was really mad.  I just could not understand how I could be working so hard and doing so well and the scale still won't do what I want it to.  Everyone else was having 2-5lb losses and here I was sliding even further down the totem pole.  UGH!

For about 30 seconds I was saying eff it.  I'm done.  I'm not going to win this so why even bother trying.  I'm going to McDonald's for a Big Mac (which by the way would make me physically ill now if I tried to eat one).  And then I took a breath and remembered WHY I created Jilly's Losers in the first place.  It's not about the number on the scale...and my number is 112 lower than it was when I started!  It's definitely not about the money, though nobody hates that part I'm sure haha. It's about changing peoples lives.  It's about changing MY life.  It's about becoming the best version of ourselves and being HAPPY with who we are.  It's about being healthier and living our lives to the fullest.

So I shrugged off the McDonald's talk and made myself a wrap and some baby carrots for lunch and chugged down my Vitamin Zero...and I felt better. Because even if after this last week of competition...I don't end up the winner?  I'll be able to say that I was successful.  I'll be able to celebrate a great month of weight loss that was a result of great decisions...and I will know that I did my very best.  And THAT is all that matters.