The search for the perfect protein bar...

Anyone who has ever tried a healthier approach to eating knows that one of the key things is getting enough protein in your diet.  This is probably the one I struggle with the most.  Not because I don't like meat or anything like that...it's just A LOT!  It's hard to really know how much protein a person should get in their diet.  It can depend on various things like your current weight and the amount of exercise you get.  The more you workout, the more important protein becomes.  A few great ways to get protein are lean meats such as chicken (yum, but gets boring) and fish (which I'm not a huge fan of).  Red meats count too but take your body longer to process and should be eaten in moderation.  Nuts/seeds and a bit of dairy can be great too. But if you're aiming for 75-100g of protein a day it can start to feel like a daunting task.

This is where things like protein shakes and bars come in.  Shakes are a whole other topic to tackle, so today I'm just going to talk about protein bars...because I FINALLY FOUND THE PERFECT ONES!!!

I have tried pretty much every kind of "protein bar" that's out there. I put it in quotes because some of them are just glorified candy bars and you may as well eat a snickers.  The trick to finding a good protein bar is finding one that has a good amount of protein (20+ grams) but doesn't also have a bazillion grams of sugar. Fiber one and Special K protein bars do okay on the protein front but one look at the sugar content and you'll see them as more of a chocolatey granola bar.  But hey, they're cheaper than most.

When I first started trying to lose weight, my nutritionist suggested "Think Thin" bars.  They have 20g of protein and only 1 or 2g of sugar...but one bite and I wanted to hurl.  I had to force myself to finish them.  My dad then introduced me to Pure Protein bars.  After having the Think Thin bars, they were a welcome change.  But after a couple weeks of the chocolate peanut butter bars (the only ones I liked even a little), I was tired of them.

The Biggest Loser talks a lot about larabars because they're all natural, etc...but their texture was so nasty to me that I was done after eating a half of one.  No thanks.

After my trip to the BL resort last fall, I was introduced to Kind bars.  Now these really tasted like a treat.  They are made with just nuts and honey...with a bit of dark chocolate.  Health wise, if you want a candy bar they are great.  However, their protein to sugar content still wasn't what I knew I needed.  *sigh*  I was seriously becoming frustrated.  I can get pretty lazy when it comes to eating and I just want something that I can grab quickly that is healthy and filling and doesn't taste like crap!  Is that so much to ask?

Enter...the Quest Nutrition bars.

I follow a few of the Biggest Loser alumni from past seasons and more and more I began to notice that they were all raving about Quest protein bars.  I was curious about them, but from what I could tell they're really freaking expensive and only available online or at stores like GNC.  I put off trying them, telling myself that they couldn't possibly be as good as everyone was saying.  They're probably paid to say those amazing things, right?

And then I decided to just suck it up and spend the dough.  HOLY FREAKING COW!!!!!!!!!!  Where have you been all my life, Quest bars?  Seriously.  I tried probably 8-9 different flavors and not one of them was "ew gross get it out of my mouth" nasty.  But my 3 favorites...are truly like a dessert.  The best part?  They are everything you need in a good protein bar.  Most of them are around 160-190 calories, 20-21g of protein, 1g of sugar and LOTS of fiber!

These are my 3 favorites.  Cookie Dough, White Chocolate Raspberry...and my newly ordered (they're sold out EVERYWHERE) Cookies n' Cream.

And I am not even slightly exaggerating when I tell you that they taste like their names.  The cookie dough tastes like you are unwrapping a roll of raw dough and if you know me...I could eat raw cookie dough all day.  The white chocolate raspberry has chunks of white chocolate and you can even get the raspberry seeds stuck in your teeth!  And wow...the cookies n' cream was so worth the hassle of ordering online and paying shipping.  (A box of 12 bars (including shipping) was $30.)  I made the mistake of letting my kids try a bite when the box came today and had to hide the rest.

My search is finally over.  I love love love these bars and have zero problem forking over a little more $ to get them.  I have met one person who hates them (Yes you, Amy...you crazy person!) but every other person I know who has tried them has raved about them.  So there you have it.  If you are looking for a good protein bar and don't want to torture your taste buds for 3 years like I did...you're welcome.  Enjoy!!!

On the move again...

Man I hate plateaus.  I'm sure that in the 3+ years I've been writing this blog...that I've mentioned this before.  But it bears repeating.  A lot.  I HATE plateaus.  And this one finally seems to be OVERRRRR!  Woohoo!  *happy dance*.  Today I weighed in at 214.8, which is 115.8lbs total lost! It was not my worst plateau by far.  I remember being stuck in the 260's for about 6-8 months and that had me ready to give up completely...but I didn't.  This one had me stuck in the 217-224 range for about 3 months and it felt just as long.  But when I realize that between the 260's plateau and the 220 plateau, I lost more than 40lbs...I guess it's not so bad huh?

I was feeling very frustrated a few weeks ago and I was ready to just accept 220 as my final weight and just maintain from there.  I didn't want to give up my treats or eating out.  I didn't want to have to "eat clean" for more than a day at a time. I was tired and I wanted to just do what I wanted when I wanted.  But I was miserable.  I knew I wasn't done.  My awesome sister Heidi told me, "Jill just look at it this way.  If you had buckled down and done those things you say you don't want to do...you could have been done by now.  But you can do it NOW.  Work really hard, eat really well for the next 6 months and THEN you can maintain!  You can eat out once in a while and enjoy your favorite things and just focus on your workouts.  You won't have to lose weight anymore."  When I looked at it that way, it made perfect sense.  I could keep beating myself up and eating horribly more days than not and maybe lose 1 pound every 3 months or I could be a little more strict and get it out of the way NOW instead of in another 2-3 years!

So that's what I've been trying to do.  Instead of allowing myself an indulgence day, like I used to...I've reigned it in.  I would always let 1 day become 3-4 and then I was scrambling to get it all out of my system by weigh in time.  Now I'm trying it a little differently.  I'm allowing myself a little treat here and a little treat there instead of having a 24 hour period where all rules go out the window.  Take today for example.  It's my baby Ari's 10th birthday!  (Man I feel old)  Tonight we're going out to Pizza Pie Cafe for dinner to celebrate. Normally I would see that coming and just make the whole day a free for all, but not today!  Today I had my apple bran muffin breakfast and am eating a healthy lunch and snacks and will WAIT until dinner to have that treat.  And even then I'm not going to see it as a free for all.  I am publicly announcing this NOW so that I'm held accountable to myself.  But tonight, I am going to have a giant salad FIRST.  And then I will allow myself 2 pieces of pizza, a breadstick (or 2...they're amazing) and then a slice of her birthday cake.  It will be a fun indulgence and it won't spill over into tomorrow.  Tomorrow night, however, I know I'll be having dinner with my dad in the city so I will plan accordingly!  No more day long binges.  I'm done!

So yes, it's nice to see the scale moving again, but it's more than that.  In my Burn It class that I take on Saturdays, we've begun using a body composition scale to track our body fat and muscle mass.  After 2 weeks of that class (and 2 weeks of clean eating), I've lost 6lbs, over 1% of my body fat and gained some muscle!  That is so much sweeter to me than just the number on my stupid scale.  My clothes are finally loosening up again, my wedding ring (which I have to wear on my middle finger now) is starting to fall off...and I feel GREAT!

I know that eventually I will have another plateau.  I know that this amazing will power I'm feeling now won't last forever and that I'll have another bout of feeling miserable and stuck.  But blog entries like this one will remind me that it won't last forever.  I'll always come out the other side.  And when the will power and drive hits me like it has these last 2 weeks...I'm going to RUN LIKE HELL with it!!!

Healthy vs. skinny

(This past Wednesday I wrote this post to my weight loss group , Jilly's Losers, and thought I'd share it here. NOTE:  BIGGEST LOSER FINALE SPOILER ALERT!!!)

Seeing as how I run a weight loss group based off of the show "Biggest Loser", I felt I should address what happened on last night's finale. It honestly upset me to the point that I was having dreams about it last night. 

If you watched, you saw Rachel come out on stage and your mouth dropped open in shock/horror/concern as mine did. The poor girl looked like a skeleton with skin. My heart broke instantly. I had been cheering for Rachel since day one. I loved that she was a competitive swimmer as I was when I was a kid. I loved that she was genuinely kind and honest and she worked VERY hard on the ranch. She was a tough competitor, but she was humble. It was impossible not to like her. During her last week on the ranch, she was already at a pretty healthy weight...and at 19% body fat...which for a woman is close to professional athlete status. She was strong and confident and determined to win. But I don't think ANYONE realized how far she was willing to take it.

Now to be fair, none of us knows whether she just went 150% extreme to win the money and plans to regain some weight now that she's won....or whether she has developed some type of eating disorder and genuinely needs help. When she first walked out on stage, I turned to Nathan and said "Holy crap, she looks anorexic." He stopped me in my tracks and pointed out that me saying that wasn't any different than someone saying I look fat. And he was right. We don't know if she is anorexic. We don't know what her body fat percentage is and we can only go on how she looked on that stage. But I don't comment on it to judge her. I genuinely love and support that girl and it concerns me beyond belief that she would go that far to win money. 

At 5'4" tall, 105 lbs is still considered "underweight". And it wasn't just about her looks. Rachel seemed frail. She fell walking up the stairs to the scale...and after David weighed in and she had won by a landslide, she didn't even realize it until Ali said "Hey, you won!". She seemed disoriented and dehydrated and weak and it scares me to see that Biggest Loser has come to that.

Or have they? The looks on Bob and Jillian's faces told the world that they had NO idea she was in such shape. (In the days following, both of them posted on their social media pages that they were not going to comment on Rachel as they were not her trainers.) They were as worried as the rest of us. But why was it allowed to come to this? Doesn't the show keep tabs on their contestants while they're at home? We've had winners weigh in very thin before, but never quite like this. 

Once Rachel took the stage, all the live feeds on FB and Twitter went silent. Even the Biggest Loser twitter account didn't mention her name or congratulate her. (And they still haven't mentioned her by name on Twitter several days later) It makes me wonder how they are going to address this, if at all.  Millions of people...families...children watch this show. And last night they watched a girl risk her health and her life for $250,000. 

So now let me come to my point. I've said this before and I will never stop saying it. This group is not about losing weight. It is about learning to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, we weigh in. Yes, our weight counts towards winning a prize...but I truly hope that that is not why any of you are here. If you are here for the money then perhaps you should find another group to try. Our prize pot is no $250K, but I understand that sometimes money can make people do things they might otherwise never do. I don't want that. I don't ever ever want that.

I love this group and I love what it has done for me and for so many others. But it terrifies me to think that it could be the cause of something like what happened on the Biggest Loser last night. When I finally get to my goal weight, will I be able to stop or will I be so obsessed with losing and so scared to gain it all back...that I starve myself? I hope not. I hope that I have learned enough to know where my line is. And I hope the same goes for all of you. Change your lives. Eat healthier. Move more. But know that you are loved and supported AT ANY WEIGHT!!! What is important is how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself...not how the world sees you. Find that sweet spot where you are happy and healthy and living your life....and then stay in it.

Sorry for the novel, but I had to say something. I love you all and I am grateful to have you all in my group and in my life  Stay strong!

Faith in all things...

Yesterday my sister and her family went through the culmination of one of the best and worst things in their lives all at the same time.  I won't go into details as it's not my place, but I do want to share what I learned from the experience.

Faith can get you through anything.  I wish I had learned it sooner.  Watching someone I love so much going through something so hard over the past few months, I have seen a range of emotions and feelings...but the one that dominated them all was faith.  Through faith (and I'm sure lots of prayer), they saw things fall into place in a way that made going through this trial as easy as it was possible for it to be.  It will probably be one of the most chaotic years that their lives as a family will ever see, but as I watched what seemed like the sky falling down on them from all sides...my sister was firm in her faith.

Everytime we talked over the past few months, she told me that she knew things would be okay...that Heavenly Father was looking out for them and that they would make it through.  She even told me she felt blessed.  Circumstances that would cause most people to question their beliefs and to maybe even curse the heavens...were met by my sister and her amazing husband...with faith.

As someone who has struggled with their own faith and testimony over the past 15 years, this was a huge eye-opener for me.  If they could hold firm under these circumstances, what was my problem?  The things that had shaken my faith began to seem small and even petty some of them.  Sure, I can list all the things that made me doubt and made me go inactive from church for so long.  I could list all the reasons I didn't want to go to church and all the bad things that had happened to me or that people had done to me.  And I have done so in my mind countless times.  But how many times have I sat down and made a list of all the GOOD things in my life that have come from my belief in God?  How many times have I made a list of all the things I'm grateful for or a list of all the tough things that He has helped me through?  Other than on Thanksgiving?  Maybe once..if that.

Even this weight loss journey of mine.  How many times has Heavenly Father given me the strength to get through it when I was really struggling (which I do more often than not).  How many times has he helped to keep me both mentally and physically strong as I try to push my body to do things it's never done before?  How many times has He made me feel loved even when I'm really not loving myself?  I'd say it's a lot...but I ignored it for years and now it's all kind of hitting me at once.  It's pretty overwhelming.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble and all the thoughts in my head aren't coming out the way I want them to, so I'll wrap this up.  In short, I am grateful that I'm starting to find my faith again.  I'm grateful for a family that constantly builds me up to be a better person and that sets an example of the kind of person I want to be.  I am especially grateful for a sister who through her own trials, helped me to open that door again.  My life is truly blessed because of it.  Faith in all things....man...I never realized how important that really was.

UGHHHHH!!!

I know my title is not very articulate, but it's honestly the only thing that describes how I've been feeling lately.  About 2 months ago, I hit my lowest weight of 217.  I've not been able to get below it since.  I go between 222 and 217 over and over and over, no matter what I do.  I've had bad weeks where I ate out too much and gained a couple...and great weeks where I thought I'd done REALLY well and still can't seem to break that barrier.

The problem is...I know what I have to do to break through it and right now I'm just not in the state of mind to do it.  My body has lost so much weight and it has long ago adjusted to my insane workout schedule.  I do mix it up.  I do Zumba fitness, yoga, pilates, strength training, high intensity intervals, cardio machines, walking...I really can't change things up any more than I already have.  So I know it's in my diet.  The problem is, my body has adjusted so well to all the positive changes I've made over the past 2 years, that in order for me to lose weight at this point, it's not about how many calories I eat anymore.  It's about eating extremely clean.  That means lean proteins, veggies, fruits, nuts, and taking out anything even remotely treat like or processed.  The thing is...I don't want to.

For me, eating 100% clean and perfect 7 days a week is NOT something I aspire to do or would ever be able to do.  It's not realistic for anyone, really.  I "could" do it, sure...but I would be angry and miserable and fighting off cravings constantly.  I need to be able to cheat once in a while.  I need to be able to just eat what I want sometimes.  And I used to be able to do that and still lose weight.  But not anymore.  This past week we ate out one single time and split a burrito.  We also had football Sunday where I indulged on some chips & dip and candy.  Nothing too insane.  And yet here I am about to weigh in for the week and I am up a little (though that might change after my morning workout).

How is that fair?  I spend 6 days at the gym.  I workout anywhere from 1-3 hours in a day between gym workouts/classes and working on my own teaching routines at home.  I'm burning WAY more calories than I'm eating.  Shouldn't the math work out in my favor?  It's seriously pissing me off.  And what makes it even harder is watching other people doing the same things I am, and just sliding down the scale.  I know that there was a time in my journey when I could get away with this but I guess that time is over.  Question is, how badly do I want it?  I REALLY want to be under 200 lbs.  And the fact that I can't seem to even get within 10 lbs makes me want to cry.  I'm in a good place physically right now.  I feel healthy and happy and I'm enjoying life.  But I am not willing to stay at a weight where I'm still considered "obese" by my doctor.

I guess it's a new week...again.  And I'll try and take it one day at a time...again.  But this whole journey I'm on is starting to get really old.  I hate getting stuck.  It kills my motivation and makes it hard for me to motivate others.  But I'll keep trying.  I'm definitely not ready to give up.

A week of firsts...

This week has been amazing and it's only Wednesday!  The past couple of weeks have been crazy busy and stressful and full of nerves, but it was all worth it.

Monday night I finally got to play in my first league volleyball game (as an adult anyway) and it was incredible!  Honestly, the best part of it for me is just knowing that I'm healthy and strong enough to do so.  Our team won in two quick games and it felt amazing.  I love being able to jump and hit and serve and dive as if I were back in high school.  It feels SO good.  I'm so grateful to my new friend Janie who got me onto her team...and grateful that I earned the right to stay!  It's fun to have a new Monday night workout that I am truly in love with and excited for.

Of course the biggest first, however, was teaching my very first Zumba fitness class last night.  Ever since I was asked to do it two weeks ago, I have been going crazy trying to make sure I had all my routines down and my music memorized and worrying about every little thing.  I was so terrified that I would get in front of people and completely lose my nerve.  But the funny thing is that when I got to the church and went into the gym to set up my music...I had zero butterflies. I almost felt at home.  Like I had done it a hundred times before.

My great friend Amy was so sweet and when  I checked the mail yesterday I had a new Zumba shirt waiting for me!  I was so excited to wear it to teach (even though it came off after the warmup song because it was too hot for anything but a tank top!)  I felt confident and ready to go :)  Thank you for that Amy.  I love your guts!

As people started to trickle in, I figured we'd end up with maybe 10-12 people, but even that was more than I expected and I was getting more excited to teach.  But by the time we started, I had probably closer to 25-30.  I lost count haha.  It was overwhelming!  They filled the gym and it made it SO much more fun!!!  I couldn't believe how many people came.  I felt so truly grateful and blessed to have so many people come to either just support me or to come get in a fun workout.

I took the first 5 minutes or so to tell everyone my story.  I was amazed that I managed to do it without crying.  But it felt like the perfect way to start my career as a teacher...sharing why I was there and where I came from...as well as how far I have come.  Sometimes I still don't believe it myself...and I've lived it.  Hopefully I was able to make everyone feel like anything is possible when it comes to getting healthier.  It's about finding what you LOVE to do and making small changes one at a time.  Losing weight and changing your habits can be very overwhelming if you try and look too much at the big picture.  I ended my little lecture with what I've decided will be my two mottos for my classes in the future.

1) "Just keep moving".  I have had this saying on my phone for years and it's so important.  Especially in a Zumba class when sometimes you get lost or lose your footing or simply can't do a step.  As long as you're moving, that's what counts!

and

2) "If it ain't jigglin', you ain't doin' it right!"  Most people who try out zumba for the first time (or first several times!) are very nervous about how they look and about how their bodies are moving/shaking.  I know for me I still get paranoid at times about my chicken wing arms and my stomach.  The more weight I lose, the more loose some body parts get and man do they jiggle.  Some can be contained with compression gear, but my arms just fly.  And I've learned to accept it!  But most latin dancing is about booty and hip shaking and frankly...you're SUPPOSED to jiggle!  So love your body and let it loose!

As the music got started for our warmup, I really felt like I became a new person.  I felt confident, took control and all my hard work and practice paid off.  The moves came to me when they needed to and I was able to let down my own guard and not feel silly shimmying and shaking my OWN flaws for the world to see.  It felt ...indescribably amazing.  (and NOW the tears come...of course)  I had a couple hiccups where I got too excited and missed a cue for a step or two, but nothing world-ending...and everyone just kept moving!  It was so beautiful and overwhelming to see all those faces in front of me, watching me, and learning from me...and HAVING FUN!!!  Everytime someone would hoot or holler it just fueled the fire more.

One of the big things I was nervous about was having to FACE my class.  In the Zumba class I usually attend, my instructors faces the mirror instead of us.  In some cases, it's easier to follow that way and for some dances, I turned to do the same.  But at our training, we were taught that facing your class is so important because then you can really connect with them!  They can see your eyes and learn your cues for certain moves and it's just more fun.  It can be more difficult for certain songs, but I'm SO glad that I did it that way.  I loved being able to look at each person and see how they were doing.  And they did SO great!

Another really big thing I learned about myself last night is that when you're the one teaching, you work out 10 times harder.  Holy cow.  I've taken more Zumba classes than I can count and that was by far the most I've ever sweat doing so haha.  I think it's the combination of having to really accentuate every movement combined with the occasional yelling that you have to do (though I'm going to work on doing more visual and less verbal cueing in the future...talk about taking the wind out of you).  By the end of the workout (hell, even halfway through) I was red-faced and my pigtails (yes I wore pigtails!) were soaked to the core.  But it was AWESOME!  I know if I'm red and soaked that I worked as hard as I could.  But man, there were a couple times that I had to stop for water and gasp for air.  It probably didn't help that I had already worked out in the morning, run through my set list once at home and then spent 3 hours learning a new song the same day :|  But hey!

When we were done, everyone was so wonderful.  I got some really sweet compliments and made some new friends. I even got a lead on a job that I'm going to try for this week sometime!  It was such an amazing experience and I am so grateful that our wonderful Relief Society (church women's organization) President, Kristin, let me do this.  She's been so supportive and such a great friend.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing family and friends in my life who encourage me and push me to new heights.  I know I've already said this before...but I never thought I'd be here.  And it's just the beginning!

"Me estoy volviendo loco..."

(If the title of my blog is wrong, blame Google Translate.  Just saying.)

Why am I "going crazy"?  You might ask after having googled the title to this blog and wondering when I learned to speak Spanish.  I haven't learned Spanish, though I may very well after a few years of teaching Zumba® fitness classes!  (Like how I did the little copyright logo thingy?  Yeah, I get to do that now.  I'm special. That or after reading the licensing agreement, I'm just trying to cover my ass.)  So why am I going crazy?  Ever since my amazing instructor training, I've been listening to latin music non-stop.  Between working on my routines and just trying to memorize my music, it's in my ears (and my dreams) constantly.  I can't seem to shut it off!

Growing up, I never listened to this kind of music.  It was never really my thing.  I mean, I couldn't understand it...and I still can't.  But the more I have listened to it over the past year, the more I have become addicted.  I literally cannot stop myself from dancing when I turn it on.  I'll come home from a workout at the gym and turn on my playlist to work on memorizing my songs and their breakdowns...and promise myself I'm not going to dance the routines because I'm tired and need rest.  But I always end up doing it anyway!!!

I will lie down at night to go to sleep and will have one song or the other stuck in my head and my hips will start doing a subtle roll without me even realizing it.  When I finally shut it up long enough to doze off, I dream about it!  It really is making me crazy haha.  But hopefully it is also going to make me a better instructor.  One of my biggest fears is getting up there and freezing in the middle of a song because I can't remember the moves or what part of the song comes next.  So all I can do is just keep on listening!

I had my wonderful brother-in-law, Randy, translate a few of the songs for me just to see what I was dancing to.  He warned me I might laugh when reading them in English, and he was right.  These songs are so much more beautiful and FUN in their own language..that's really all I can say.  One of my favorite cumbia songs is about a man who is in love with a beautiful, black woman. And he sings that over and over...about how he loves this little black woman and is sad when she's gone.  Who knew? I can't imagine an English version of that song sounding quite as amazing or being as fun or sexy to dance to.  It really is an incredible genre of music and I am in love with it.

Now I just have to keep working on getting my hips to be as latin-inspired as the music!