It's okay to celebrate...

Yesterday I hit a pretty huge milestone in my weight loss.  But as I came home from the gym and stepped on the scale and went to tell those I loved...the news came of what happened in Boston and it just didn't seem as important anymore.  Seeing the horrific views of my beloved Boston..a place I spent most of my growing up and a place that holds so many memories for me...it just killed me.  But I realized today that I can mourn and pray for those back "home" and still celebrate my successes at the same time.  Those who were running that marathon were going after their own goals and dreams.  And that's what I'm doing here.  Reaching and working hard for for something I've always dreamed of.  So today, I'm celebrating my big success.

I finally broke 250 lbs.  The scale now stares back at me with a 248.2 and such a "big person number" has never made me so stinking happy.  When I realized yesterday that I had accomplished something I've been straining for and falling short of for the last year...I thought the scale was lying to me.  So I checked again..and then again.  And I had still broken that 250 barrier.  I screamed and smiled...and then I cried.  And then I called my husband and cried some more.  It's just a number.  This is silly right?  But gratitude just overwhelmed me and crying just couldn't be helped.  

Last March when I went to Boston to visit my family, I was at 267 lbs.  At the time, it was the lowest I'd been in over a decade and I was excited.  I was sure I'd be at my goal weight a year from then.  Little did I know that I had in fact hit a really big freaking wall. For almost an entire year, my weight fluctuated between 262 and 268 with a quick drop down into the mid 250's before jumping right back up after our trip to Florida this past January.  I was beyond frustrated.  I was working out 5-6 days a week and eating better than I had in years, but nothing was working.  

Then when I started this current round of Jilly's Losers, I found myself at 264 lbs and feeling like a failure. But this time was going to be different.  I swore it.  My group had swelled with all new members and it was like a brand new fire had been lit beneath us all.  Everyone was so excited and gung-ho and it just made me want to work that much harder.  But I knew that wanting to lose the weight and break through that wall..wasn't going to be enough.  Wanting it badly is important, sure...but not enough.  So I made some changes.  Most of which I've already blogged about.  I changed up my workout routine from doing the same cardio machines and weights to taking classes almost every day at the gym.  I got my sister, Heidi, to write me up some new strength training/cardio interval workouts as well and then I focused on where I knew I was going to need the most work.  My diet.

Sure, my eating is VERY different now than it was 2 years ago.  I don't keep soda in the house anymore, we haven't had white bread around in as long...we make things with ground turkey now instead of beef and I can no longer stomach a Big Mac like I used to (moment of silence please!).  But after losing a lot of weight, my body had adjusted and these changes were no longer enough *mutters*.  So over the last month especially, I've tripled the amount of veggies in my diet (spinach goes in EVERYTHING!) and cut WAYYYY back on my sodium.  I hadn't realized how much I was eating.  I used to eat Subway 3-4 times a week thinking I was being healthy with my 400 calorie meal (no cheese, no mayo, no soda...go me!)  And in comparison to other things...I was.  And for a long time, it helped. But now I look at the sodium in those 400 calories and holy crap.  I haven't been to Subway now in a few months.  But it's not just Subway, I realized.  "But Jill, this is stuff you should have already known!  DUH!"  You might be saying this...and maybe it's true.  But I was always paying attention to the calories and the fat content and the sugar.  Not the sodium!  Who knew!  Not me!  It's like I finally found the thing that was holding me back.  Sodium is now my nemesis!!!

So now when I put things into myfitnesspal.com, I still pay attention to my calories and my fat and my sugar...but my sodium intake has become much more important and just in the last 4 weeks alone, I have lost 12 pounds.  TWELVE!!!  That's a 3lb a week average and I haven't had that since I started all this!  I don't want to jinx it, but I really hope I can keep it up.  My biggest fear is that I'll bounce back up over 250 and have to re-lose it again.  But this is where my main "theme" of this blog was supposed to be (before I started ranting).  It's okay to celebrate....

BUT!  I need to change HOW I celebrate and I need to change WHEN.  I was talking with a couple girlfriends of mine from my weight loss group about this the other day and we realized that we all do it.  For a long time, we were celebrating the smaller things (2 lbs here, 1 lb there)...which is great...but we were doing it with FOOD!  We were yay'ing at our losses and splurging after our weigh'ins to pat ourselves on the back for sacrificing so much all week long, essentially sabotaging all our efforts in a single day.  It's important to celebrate the small steps, of course, but it can make you forget your long term goals and it can certainly hold you back from them for far longer than necessary.  Breaking 250 lbs was a long term goal that I had set.  It's one that most definitely deserves celebration and I fully intend to do so.  But I've learned my lesson.  No more Tuesday splurge day where I come home from a killer workout and plop on the couch with a 1500 calorie meal.  No more going out that night to whatever restaurant catches my eye and eating bottomless fries and a giant milkshake (I'm looking at you Red Robin!!!)  No more ordering pizza with cheese in the crust and eating 3 pieces WITH chicken strips AND a bottle of mountain dew...just because I had a great week and lost 3 lbs.  Nope!!!!  All that gets me is my pounds back and then some...and a massive food hangover the next morning.  So for my 250 lb celebration....I'm getting me a new pair of jeans!!!  Nice jeans.  Not cheap, Walmart jeans that I have to get because nothing else fits.  Jeans that look GOOD and cost me more than $20!!!!  Given, they'll only last me until I drop another pants size or two, but I'm okay with that.  Because I DESERVE IT :)  Now it's on to my next BIG goal.  Breaking 200!!!  48.2 lbs to go!