Indulgence without bingeing

Today I turn 34 and in the weeks leading up to my birthday, I made a deal with myself.  If I could eat really clean and lose a good amount of weight and be super duper good...I'd give myself one whole day to eat whatever I want without counting the calories.  That was my birthday gift to myself and it sounded great!!  Yesterday, my husband had the day off from work since he had a dentist appointment and my daughter's recital was in the afternoon.  So we decided to have my food celebration a day early.

I worked out in the morning and had my weekly weigh-in and by the time I got to really eat anything, it was already lunch time!  I had wasted half the day!  So much to eat and so little time!!  It sounds silly but I've been really excited about this indulgence day.  I haven't had one in a long time (though I've let myself have little treats here and there) and there were so many things that sounded yummy.  I made homemade cinnamon rolls (my favorite) and my husband bought a red velvet cake (also my favorite).  The hardest part was deciding where to go to lunch!

We ended up going to Red Robin (Yum!) where I couldn't even finish my chicken sandwich and barely finished my first round of "bottomless" steak fries!  Back in the day I could put those things away like water.  It was amazing to see how much less I can stomach compared to when I was a bigger girl.

Unfortunately, one of the side effects of eating like crap after eating very cleanly for so long is that your body rejects it...painfully lol.  So for most of the day my tummy was not happy.  I managed to eat a few cinnamon rolls and some of my favorite carne asada fries from Betos (with my first mountain dew in MONTHS!), but I never even got around to my birthday cake.

It was a very eye opening experience.  It's so great to see that all my hard work is paying off in other ways than just on the scale.  I actually found myself craving HEALTHY foods when I woke up this morning and started drowning myself in water just to flush out my system.  I'm a different person now and I am finally learning how to indulge without bingeing.

I've always been a binge eater, which to me...is an emotional thing.  I don't count yesterday as a binge because it was planned out far in advance, I earned it...and I felt in complete control of it.  It was such a great feeling.  I'm 36 days binge free and counting.  Food addiction really is tough.  I've never had to knock smoking or alcoholism or drugs, but I'd imagine this one is right up there with them.  You can't just cold turkey quit.  You need food to survive.  You HAVE to eat.  And training your body to crave the right things and choose the right things is really hard. I'm still far from perfect in my diet and there are plenty of things I will never give up...but I've definitely begun to see what things I really do not need anymore.  The hardest days are the ones where I'm feeling upset or emotional.  In the past I've always turned to food for comfort and it takes a lot of will power to not do that now...or to do it with foods that won't derail me.  But I'm improving :)

I'm 8 lbs away from hitting my 100 lbs lost mark and I just keep reminding myself of that goal.  It's a big one and I can't wait to get there!!!