I know when I haven't written a blog entry in a long time it's usually because I'm not making any progress. Time to vent I guess. I'm sure the up and down of my entries gets old, but hey, that's life.
I've been riding the same 10lb roller coaster since June and it's kind of driving me crazy. Okay, not just kind of. I'm not going to blame my beautiful, sweet 8 month old......but okay, I'm going to. Cause it's totally his fault. Well....okay maybe like 80%. Having a new-ish baby is HARD!
Yes, Cooper is my 4th child, but as Nathan likes to tell those who ask, "Is he your first?"....."He's our 2nd first." And it's so true. With a 15 year old, 11 year old and 8 year old....Cooper is like having a first child all over again. The world and our lives are COMPLETELY different with this baby than with Emma back in 2006. But I think the biggest difference, for me anyway, is that with the other 3 babies, I never bothered trying to lose weight after I gave birth. I was severely obese and I had zero hopes of ever changing that...especially with little kids. But now that I've been down that weight loss road and lost 122 of the 150-ish lbs I wanted to lose before I got pregnant...I'm in a very different boat!
I don't want to just be content to stay where I'm at post-baby. And I'm not. But since I've never done this before, I didn't realize just how hard it is. Before Cooper came, I was at the gym for 1-2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. Period. It was my ME time...my sanity...my addiction. I was eating under 1500 calories every day without a problem and while I still had my splurges, I was able to keep my eating under control 90% of the time. Now my time isn't mine anymore. I have 3 kids back in school (which is when I'd normally hit the gym without inconveniencing anyone)....and a nursing baby. I'm blessed to have a husband who works at night so he's home during the day, however, it doesn't feel right to just up and leave him with the baby for several hours every day. I'm sure it bothers me more than it would him for me to do that...but at this point in time, I'm lucky if I get to the gym twice in a week.
Twice a week in the gym probably sounds like a lot to some people and it would be great if my eating were in check. HA. My eating. Oh man....I had no idea that this is how it is when you're nursing a baby! I am hungry...ALL...THE...TIME!!! I nursed my other 3 kids, but only for 4 months each and always with supplemental formula bottles. With Cooper, since I have the time to focus on it, I decided to try and nurse him for the entire first year. I'm happy to report we're still going strong! He does take a formula bottle once in a while now when absolutely necessary, but I still nurse him at least 3 times a day on top of all the solids he's eating. That little man is a bottomless pit! Like his mama! But nowadays I'm lucky if I keep my calorie count under 2000! To be fair, I don't count calories anymore since I've switched to Weight Watchers points, but I'm pretty consistent about using up every single point they give me each week. Since I'm nursing I get 14 extra points a day...and yup, I use those too.
Food food food. I know I've written about this before, but it bears repeating. Food addiction is a real thing. And there's no going cold turkey. Ugh. I know this is a roller coaster like everything else, but I'm hoping that a climb is in the near future as it feels like I've been free falling for entirely too long now. Now that school is back in session and Cooper is a little bit more predictable in his schedule, I'm hoping that maybe I can become a bit more predictable in mine. I need to get things under control before the holidays hit and everything becomes another excuse to binge on my favorite foods.
I lost 122lbs before....why is this so hard NOW??? I'm tired of having an entire wardrobe in my closet that I can't fit into. Time to buckle down. Again. (I'm sure I'll be saying this multiple times in my life)
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Baby steps take you the longest distance
In my last blog entry, I had stated that I wanted to lose 10lbs by my birthday (June 5). I'm happy to report that I came within about 0.4lbs of that! I was extremely excited. And it's all thanks to Weight Watchers.
I never in my life thought I'd say that. I never really wanted to try WW and I put it off for years. Like another friend of mine put it, I felt like if I weren't just doing it on my own with proper diet and exercise then it didn't really "count". I'm glad I got over myself and gave it a shot. WW is amazing. I've always had the accountability of weighing in with my own Jilly's Losers group every week, but after so many years of that I felt I needed a more personal form of accountability. Weighing in face to face with a WW coach every Friday has made such a huge difference. I still weigh in every Tuesday with my group and having two weigh-ins a week actually helps keep me on track!
With WW, I never feel hungry. Because I'm heavy to begin with, I'm given 42 daily points to use (41 now that I've lost some weight). That's already a lot. But add to that the fact that I'm a nursing mother and I automatically get 14 more. It's a lot of points! And "most" fruits and veggies are freebies. I've found that I'm eating a lot more of both and I feel great!
Another thing that's really helped is that in the current Jilly's Losers season, we've been tracking points for various things like fruits/veggies/exercise...and the hardest one...no sweets. But after being off the wagon for so long with my pregnancy, it feels good to finally say that I've regained control of my sweet tooth. For the past month now, I've managed to keep my treats to ONE a week. I look forward to my treat day all week long and then I enjoy it so much more when it comes! One of my biggest challenges is reminding myself that I don't have to eat like there's no tomorrow. I can always get another brownie or carton of ice cream or whatever it may be. I don't have to have 10 helpings.
By no means am I losing weight at a rapid pace. Sometimes I wish I could lose large amounts of weight in a week, but I'm not willing to give up all the things I'd have to to do so. There are a couple women in my group this season who lost huge numbers the first week and it was amazing! I asked how they did it and was told they'd given up dairy, grains, sugar (including fruit) and other things. I admire their dedication. I really do. But it's just not for me. I would be able to sustain that for a little while and probably lose a ton of weight....but I know me. When the competition was over, I'd come crashing down and regain it all and then some. I need my treats. I need the flexibility to eat the things I enjoy as long as it's in moderation. So I truly love Weight Watchers. I'm losing between 1.5 and 3lbs a week and I feel fantastic. Baby steps. That's how I lost the 122lbs the first time around. I just need to do it again. Baby steps feel small, but in time they add up...and in my case, I'm far less likely to take any of them in the backwards direction!
I never in my life thought I'd say that. I never really wanted to try WW and I put it off for years. Like another friend of mine put it, I felt like if I weren't just doing it on my own with proper diet and exercise then it didn't really "count". I'm glad I got over myself and gave it a shot. WW is amazing. I've always had the accountability of weighing in with my own Jilly's Losers group every week, but after so many years of that I felt I needed a more personal form of accountability. Weighing in face to face with a WW coach every Friday has made such a huge difference. I still weigh in every Tuesday with my group and having two weigh-ins a week actually helps keep me on track!
With WW, I never feel hungry. Because I'm heavy to begin with, I'm given 42 daily points to use (41 now that I've lost some weight). That's already a lot. But add to that the fact that I'm a nursing mother and I automatically get 14 more. It's a lot of points! And "most" fruits and veggies are freebies. I've found that I'm eating a lot more of both and I feel great!
Another thing that's really helped is that in the current Jilly's Losers season, we've been tracking points for various things like fruits/veggies/exercise...and the hardest one...no sweets. But after being off the wagon for so long with my pregnancy, it feels good to finally say that I've regained control of my sweet tooth. For the past month now, I've managed to keep my treats to ONE a week. I look forward to my treat day all week long and then I enjoy it so much more when it comes! One of my biggest challenges is reminding myself that I don't have to eat like there's no tomorrow. I can always get another brownie or carton of ice cream or whatever it may be. I don't have to have 10 helpings.
By no means am I losing weight at a rapid pace. Sometimes I wish I could lose large amounts of weight in a week, but I'm not willing to give up all the things I'd have to to do so. There are a couple women in my group this season who lost huge numbers the first week and it was amazing! I asked how they did it and was told they'd given up dairy, grains, sugar (including fruit) and other things. I admire their dedication. I really do. But it's just not for me. I would be able to sustain that for a little while and probably lose a ton of weight....but I know me. When the competition was over, I'd come crashing down and regain it all and then some. I need my treats. I need the flexibility to eat the things I enjoy as long as it's in moderation. So I truly love Weight Watchers. I'm losing between 1.5 and 3lbs a week and I feel fantastic. Baby steps. That's how I lost the 122lbs the first time around. I just need to do it again. Baby steps feel small, but in time they add up...and in my case, I'm far less likely to take any of them in the backwards direction!
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Oh yeah, I have a blog....
It's been so long since I put my thoughts and feelings down on "paper" that I'm honestly afraid they'll all come out pretty chaotic and jumbled...but even so, it needs to be done. If this is as far as you read, I totally understand!
So...turns out having a baby changes your life a bit. Who knew. You'd think I'd never done this before. Maybe it's because this was the first pregnancy I've had where I was active and healthy and so I was absolutely certain that the day Cooper was born, I'd hop right back on that weight loss wagon and it'd be cake. Or baked chicken breast. Or something healthy, whatever. My point is....For the months building up to his birth, I was beyond excited to get my body back and to get back into my rigorous workout routine and get back to eating 1500 or less calories a day and lose all the weight I'd gained. I'm hilarious. That was a funny joke! Here's how it's ACTUALLY gone down.
As of my last appointment with my midwife in December, I was 269lbs. That was about a 55 ish pound gain from when I learned I was pregnant. Not my worst pregnancy gain, but it was far more than I expected to gain with as often as I was working out. I was still teaching Zumba until November and working out 3-4 times a week on top of that. Unfortunately, I let myself eat whatever didn't irritate me or make me feel ill pretty much the whole pregnancy. I knew what that would do to me, but I accepted my fate. I was sure that once the pregnancy was over, everything would revert to normal.
(This was me at 209lbs, before I got pregnant)
(This is my before/after pregnancy pic)
(And this is what I look like now...)
My sweet baby Cooper was born on December 22nd just after 5 in the evening. He weighed 7lbs 15 oz. and was absolutely perfect. As I was hoping to, I was able to deliver him without any drugs and while it was the most painful experience of my life it was also the most amazing. I'm grateful that my body (and mind!) were healthy enough and strong enough to get through such an experience. I was up and walking around very soon after and I was sure that was a sign of things to come. But from day one, I should've realized that life was going to change. Drastically.
I think I got maybe 10 hours of sleep the entire first month of his life. Between his jaundice (he had to sleep on a bili-bed for a few days) and trying to exclusively nurse him whereas I'd used bottles with my other babies...it felt like I was living with a little human attached to my body. It wasn't much different from carrying him inside me! Not to mention...I'm 35. I'm no longer in my mid-20's trying to care for a newborn. No matter what physical shape I was in, it was a LOT harder than I remember it being! I was exhausted, both physically and mentally and worrying about what went into my mouth was the last thing on my mind. I continued to just eat whatever I had the time or the stomach for and that was usually something fast, convenient and loaded with calories.
I kept telling myself that once the 6 week mark came and I could get back to the gym...everything would be okay. Life would go back to how it was. Wrong again.
6 weeks came and I got the go ahead to work out from my midwife. I went back to teaching Zumba and taking classes at the gym, but with a baby in tow. What started out as 4 classes a week quickly turned to 2...and then 1. I forgot how much STUFF babies have. Trying to get him changed, fed, dressed, packed up in the car, diaper bag filled and then drag all that up to the aerobics room of the gym was NOT enjoyable for me. THAT was a workout in itself...and I got sick of it. Luckily he loves Zumba and would sit/sleep happily through the entire hour anytime I did bring him. But it was just too stressful. And as has always been the case for me...when I'm not working out hard, my eating suffers as well.
One thing hasn't changed. I can still start every single day fresh with a healthy breakfast. And I do. But guaranteed...4pm rolls around and I throw in the towel. Add in a newborn and it becomes more like...2pm. He sleeps a bit better at night, but I still can't get more than 20 mins at a time usually where I'm not having to hold him. (I'm surprised he's slept the entire time I've been typing this! That baby swing is a Godsend.) So it then again becomes... Eat what I can, when I can and feel guilty about it later. I had hoped that I'd be one of those people who, when nursing, burns calories like a mofo and can eat whatever they want and lose a ton of weight. No such luck. I, apparently, am one of those people whose hormones get all out of whack when exclusively nursing and is ravenous ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!! I'm lucky if I can keep my calorie count under 2,000...never mind that 1500 a day nonsense. And my craving for sugar? HAHAHAHA. I have zero control over that little bastard (pardon my language). But seriously. I can't even go a full 24 hours without giving in to some sort of treat.
So what do I do? Cooper is now 4 1/2 months old and cuter than ever. I am blissfully happy being a "new mom" all over again and I love watching all his milestones and watching my older kids as they learn to take care of him right along with me. But I need to find a way to make myself a priority again. Not top priority of course...but at least A priority. Top 5 at least. He's 4 months old and I'm still hovering around 265. Not acceptable anymore. People are so sweet and keep pointing out that I just had a baby and it's okay and it will take time....and I appreciate that. But I need some tough love now. I need someone to crack down on me and stop letting me make excuses. I'm running out of clothes to wear here people! I have an entire wardrobe that was bought at 230lbs and I refuse to live in maternity clothes forever. Nor will I go buy all new plus size clothes after I had just gotten rid of them a year ago. Nope nope. My only option is to buckle down, get serious, stop making excuses and get healthy again. No one needs to eat 3 cupcakes in one sitting. No one needs dessert every single day. No one NEEDS to eat out several times a week just because they hate to cook. (that one will be harder to fix...cause seriously...I hate to cook. And that doesn't help me any.)
Something has to change. I am still running Jilly's Losers, which I love doing...but if I'm being honest with myself, it's not helping me like it used to. It's SO wonderful to watch how it's helping others and it inspires me every day...but after 17 seasons, I no longer feel that accountability that I used to. I feel so loved and accepted by these people that it no longer scares me to weigh in or post full body pictures in front of them. I'm completely nonchalant about it and that's not good. I talked to a good friend of mine yesterday about the possibility of trying Weight Watchers. I need to physically go to a place where I have to step on a scale in front of strangers and be held accountable for my choices each week. Maybe counting points instead of calories will help (although with a year and a half streak going on myfitnesspal.com, I'm not likely to stop doing that anytime soon). All I know is I have to figure out what will light my fire again because it's almost gone out and the thought of returning to 330+lbs terrifies me. Needless to say, it's hard to try and motivate other people when I can't even motivate myself.
Nathan has a new job now that has him working from home. This means I no longer have to drag the baby and all his belongings with me to go workout. This is a good start. In the last week, I was able to get in a couple extra workouts and was genuinely sore for the first time in a year. I can't spend hours a day working out like I used to, but I am hoping that if I can at least get back to working HARD in the time I do have...it will start a cycle that will help with the eating part of things as well. You know things have gotten bad when your children come to you and beg you to make something healthy and turn down dessert because "We've eaten too much bad stuff lately mom." I know better.
So there you have it. Hopefully putting all of this out there will help me to feel a bit more accountable again. It's why I started this blog in the first place. It helps me. I'm grateful for all of the blessings in my life. Life is amazingly good right now. I just need to re-learn how to live it to the fullest. Change doesn't have to be the undoing of years of hard work. Right?
So before I end this, I want to make myself a goal..publicly. I usually tell my group folks to set goals that aren't scale related, but in this case...I need to make an exception. I want to lose 10lbs by my birthday (Which is 1 month from today). And by the time our family reunion rolls around in August, I would like to re-hit my 100lbs lost mark (230.6). Now I realize that this may not happen and I am not going to beat myself up if I don't quite get there. 35lbs in 3 months is a big goal. But right now I think I need to have a big goal. Now if only I could come up with an equally big reward that would actually push me! We'll see how it goes. In the meantime...if you see me eating a cupcake, slap it out of my hand. You have my permission.
So...turns out having a baby changes your life a bit. Who knew. You'd think I'd never done this before. Maybe it's because this was the first pregnancy I've had where I was active and healthy and so I was absolutely certain that the day Cooper was born, I'd hop right back on that weight loss wagon and it'd be cake. Or baked chicken breast. Or something healthy, whatever. My point is....For the months building up to his birth, I was beyond excited to get my body back and to get back into my rigorous workout routine and get back to eating 1500 or less calories a day and lose all the weight I'd gained. I'm hilarious. That was a funny joke! Here's how it's ACTUALLY gone down.
As of my last appointment with my midwife in December, I was 269lbs. That was about a 55 ish pound gain from when I learned I was pregnant. Not my worst pregnancy gain, but it was far more than I expected to gain with as often as I was working out. I was still teaching Zumba until November and working out 3-4 times a week on top of that. Unfortunately, I let myself eat whatever didn't irritate me or make me feel ill pretty much the whole pregnancy. I knew what that would do to me, but I accepted my fate. I was sure that once the pregnancy was over, everything would revert to normal.
(This was me at 209lbs, before I got pregnant)
(This is my before/after pregnancy pic)
(And this is what I look like now...)
My sweet baby Cooper was born on December 22nd just after 5 in the evening. He weighed 7lbs 15 oz. and was absolutely perfect. As I was hoping to, I was able to deliver him without any drugs and while it was the most painful experience of my life it was also the most amazing. I'm grateful that my body (and mind!) were healthy enough and strong enough to get through such an experience. I was up and walking around very soon after and I was sure that was a sign of things to come. But from day one, I should've realized that life was going to change. Drastically.
I think I got maybe 10 hours of sleep the entire first month of his life. Between his jaundice (he had to sleep on a bili-bed for a few days) and trying to exclusively nurse him whereas I'd used bottles with my other babies...it felt like I was living with a little human attached to my body. It wasn't much different from carrying him inside me! Not to mention...I'm 35. I'm no longer in my mid-20's trying to care for a newborn. No matter what physical shape I was in, it was a LOT harder than I remember it being! I was exhausted, both physically and mentally and worrying about what went into my mouth was the last thing on my mind. I continued to just eat whatever I had the time or the stomach for and that was usually something fast, convenient and loaded with calories.
I kept telling myself that once the 6 week mark came and I could get back to the gym...everything would be okay. Life would go back to how it was. Wrong again.
6 weeks came and I got the go ahead to work out from my midwife. I went back to teaching Zumba and taking classes at the gym, but with a baby in tow. What started out as 4 classes a week quickly turned to 2...and then 1. I forgot how much STUFF babies have. Trying to get him changed, fed, dressed, packed up in the car, diaper bag filled and then drag all that up to the aerobics room of the gym was NOT enjoyable for me. THAT was a workout in itself...and I got sick of it. Luckily he loves Zumba and would sit/sleep happily through the entire hour anytime I did bring him. But it was just too stressful. And as has always been the case for me...when I'm not working out hard, my eating suffers as well.
One thing hasn't changed. I can still start every single day fresh with a healthy breakfast. And I do. But guaranteed...4pm rolls around and I throw in the towel. Add in a newborn and it becomes more like...2pm. He sleeps a bit better at night, but I still can't get more than 20 mins at a time usually where I'm not having to hold him. (I'm surprised he's slept the entire time I've been typing this! That baby swing is a Godsend.) So it then again becomes... Eat what I can, when I can and feel guilty about it later. I had hoped that I'd be one of those people who, when nursing, burns calories like a mofo and can eat whatever they want and lose a ton of weight. No such luck. I, apparently, am one of those people whose hormones get all out of whack when exclusively nursing and is ravenous ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!! I'm lucky if I can keep my calorie count under 2,000...never mind that 1500 a day nonsense. And my craving for sugar? HAHAHAHA. I have zero control over that little bastard (pardon my language). But seriously. I can't even go a full 24 hours without giving in to some sort of treat.
So what do I do? Cooper is now 4 1/2 months old and cuter than ever. I am blissfully happy being a "new mom" all over again and I love watching all his milestones and watching my older kids as they learn to take care of him right along with me. But I need to find a way to make myself a priority again. Not top priority of course...but at least A priority. Top 5 at least. He's 4 months old and I'm still hovering around 265. Not acceptable anymore. People are so sweet and keep pointing out that I just had a baby and it's okay and it will take time....and I appreciate that. But I need some tough love now. I need someone to crack down on me and stop letting me make excuses. I'm running out of clothes to wear here people! I have an entire wardrobe that was bought at 230lbs and I refuse to live in maternity clothes forever. Nor will I go buy all new plus size clothes after I had just gotten rid of them a year ago. Nope nope. My only option is to buckle down, get serious, stop making excuses and get healthy again. No one needs to eat 3 cupcakes in one sitting. No one needs dessert every single day. No one NEEDS to eat out several times a week just because they hate to cook. (that one will be harder to fix...cause seriously...I hate to cook. And that doesn't help me any.)
Something has to change. I am still running Jilly's Losers, which I love doing...but if I'm being honest with myself, it's not helping me like it used to. It's SO wonderful to watch how it's helping others and it inspires me every day...but after 17 seasons, I no longer feel that accountability that I used to. I feel so loved and accepted by these people that it no longer scares me to weigh in or post full body pictures in front of them. I'm completely nonchalant about it and that's not good. I talked to a good friend of mine yesterday about the possibility of trying Weight Watchers. I need to physically go to a place where I have to step on a scale in front of strangers and be held accountable for my choices each week. Maybe counting points instead of calories will help (although with a year and a half streak going on myfitnesspal.com, I'm not likely to stop doing that anytime soon). All I know is I have to figure out what will light my fire again because it's almost gone out and the thought of returning to 330+lbs terrifies me. Needless to say, it's hard to try and motivate other people when I can't even motivate myself.
Nathan has a new job now that has him working from home. This means I no longer have to drag the baby and all his belongings with me to go workout. This is a good start. In the last week, I was able to get in a couple extra workouts and was genuinely sore for the first time in a year. I can't spend hours a day working out like I used to, but I am hoping that if I can at least get back to working HARD in the time I do have...it will start a cycle that will help with the eating part of things as well. You know things have gotten bad when your children come to you and beg you to make something healthy and turn down dessert because "We've eaten too much bad stuff lately mom." I know better.
So there you have it. Hopefully putting all of this out there will help me to feel a bit more accountable again. It's why I started this blog in the first place. It helps me. I'm grateful for all of the blessings in my life. Life is amazingly good right now. I just need to re-learn how to live it to the fullest. Change doesn't have to be the undoing of years of hard work. Right?
So before I end this, I want to make myself a goal..publicly. I usually tell my group folks to set goals that aren't scale related, but in this case...I need to make an exception. I want to lose 10lbs by my birthday (Which is 1 month from today). And by the time our family reunion rolls around in August, I would like to re-hit my 100lbs lost mark (230.6). Now I realize that this may not happen and I am not going to beat myself up if I don't quite get there. 35lbs in 3 months is a big goal. But right now I think I need to have a big goal. Now if only I could come up with an equally big reward that would actually push me! We'll see how it goes. In the meantime...if you see me eating a cupcake, slap it out of my hand. You have my permission.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Jilly's Losers Season 15 starting soon!
I can't believe we're already on Season 15 of my little weight loss group on Facebook. I've seen some amazing people make incredible changes as well as watched my own life ride quite the wild roller coaster of both weight loss, weight gain and health/lifestyle changes. It's been a truly wonderful experience and I'm excited to get in one more season before this baby comes in December! If you've ever wanted to give Jilly's Losers a try, but were too shy, this is a great season to start with. We'll be split into teams and will even have our own version of "comeback canyon" just like on the Biggest Loser tv show! It should be really fun. All the rules are below and anyone is welcome to join. Just let me know!
- Season 15 will begin on Tuesday, October 14. It will last 8 weeks and our final weigh in will be on Tuesday, December 9. Please know that this will be the last official season for 2014 as I am due to have a baby around Christmas. I will most likely be starting season 16 in mid-January (so that I can actively participate!) but during the hiatus, everyone is still welcome and encouraged to weigh in weekly and post challenges in order to keep us all accountable. There will just be no prize pot or rules.
- The buy-in fee this season will be $25. Fees should be sent via Paypal to Jillyslosers@gmail.com with the note “buyin fee”. All fees must be paid by October 21st.
3. This season will be a teams season! We've done this once before and it was (in my opinion) the most fun season we've ever done! Here's how it will work.
All those participating will be divided into two teams. They will be divided fairly so that each team will have about the same total weight (Or as close as I can get it anyway!) This basically consists of listing out invididuals by weight and then sorting: 1 person here, 1 person there...all the way to the bottom of the list. Got it? Teams will be created after everyone has weighed in on our starting day. As the season progresses, there will start to grow a third team via weekly eliminations. Being eliminated in Jilly's Losers does not mean you're removed or that you can no longer compete. I think it's silly to do that in a group where you are paying to join and the objective is to get healthier. So here's how eliminations will work (with a twist this time!)
ELIMINATIONS: Depending on how many people we have joining us this season (The objective is to end up with no more than 2-4 people on teams 1 and 2 by the final weigh in. They will be competing for the top prizes)...every week the 2/3/etc people with the lowest % of weight loss will be “eliminated” from their original team and moved to team #3. However, if you've been watching the new season of Biggest Loser, you know that there is something called “Comeback Canyon”!! And this season, we'll have our own version of that! Second Chance Sanctuary! Between the two original teams and dropping down into team 3...is Second Chance Sanctuary. Let's say after week one, two people from each original team are “eliminated”. They will drop into “second chance sanctuary” for that following week. At the next week's weigh-in, the person who loses the highest % of those 4 eliminated people...will remain in second chance sanctuary. The rest will drop down to team 3 for the remainder of the 8 week season. This will happen each week. Those who are in second chance sanctuary will compete head to head with one another. For what, you ask? When we reach our second to last weigh-in...the last man/woman standing in second chance sanctuary will get to return to their original team to compete for their teams % of the prize pot!! Hopefully this will make a bit more sense as we go along, but I'm hoping it will provide some friendly competition and a lot more fun!
4. Prizes: 45% of the prize pot will go to the person from team 1 with the highest % of weight loss at the end of 8 weeks and 45% to the winner on team 2. The remaining 10% of the pot will go to the winner from team 3 (the eliminated participants). This means that while you will be working together as a team this season, you will also be competing against one another within your own team for that prize!!
(NOTE: All prizes are given after 10% is taken out of the pot for myself as insisted upon by you brats a few seasons back *grumbles*. Thank you lol)
5. Regarding weigh-ins: We will still have mandatory weekly weigh-ins every Tuesday. As for strikes...since this is a longer season I will allow 2 missed weigh-ins per person. That's 1 per month (or 2 in a row). On the 3rd missed weigh-in, you will be disqualified and you will not get your $ refunded. (You may continue to stay in the group and weigh-in but you will not be eligible to win any $) Remember that weigh-ins must be a picture of the # on your scale. Not just a post of your weight. This season I will also allow a picture of any weight watchers weigh in stickers as I know a few people in our group participate in those weekly weigh-ins and I know they are legit. Just make sure that you use the same scale all season.
NOTE: For those of us who are current group members returning for season 15...your starting weight will also be your final weight for season 14 as posted on October 14th.6. Before and After pictures are MANDATORY. The pictures may be with or without a shirt (you'll notice more of a change if you do it without), but they must be full body pictures. If your before picture is not submitted within the first week of competition, you will be disqualified. (If you submitted an "after" picture for season 14, that will count as your "before" picture for season 15) Those who win prizes at the end of the season will not receive their prize money until their after pictures have been submitted and must do so within 48 hrs of the winning announcement.
NOTE: Newcomers to this group always worry that their pictures posted in the group will show up for the public to see. This group is secret. As long as you are on the group wall BEFORE posting your pictures, no one will see them but those in the group. Your pictures will show up on your own feed when you view it, but I promise you no one else can see it!
7. Starting and final weights will be confirmed with a KEY WORD. This is to ensure that starting and ending pictures are truly taken on the day of the weigh-in and not before. I will post the KEY WORD in this group the night before the first and last weigh-ins. It should be written on a piece of paper or notecard and placed at your feet in the front of your scale before taking your picture.
8. We will continue doing weekly challenges. After 14 seasons, I have to admit I'm very burnt out on ideas, but this season I will be planning all challenges. Ideas are always welcome though (My pregnancy brain is even less creative than my regular one!) Challenges will vary from individual to team ones. (Team ones are more fun!) Challenges are (usually) posted on Monday and will run from Tuesday through to the following Monday. They will be pinned at the top of the group feed as well as pasted onto the Challenges document under the “Files” tab.
9. Remember that this group is about gaining health and losing weight through eating right and exercising. Extreme/fad diets are not allowed. Weight Watchers and things like that are fine, but no pills/drops/etc.
10. This group is only for those who will be actively participating in the competition this season, so while I hope everyone will stick around, please know that if you choose not to join us this season, you will be removed from the group. You are always welcome to join us in later seasons :)
Monday, September 22, 2014
Mini-update
I'm feeling much better since my last blog post/long-winded whiny rant. I honestly think that's why I wrote it in the first place. I tend to feel much better after I get things down on paper (even if virtually so).
I'm feeling much healthier in my relationship with food this week and am grateful for that. I still have my cravings and I'm still enjoying certain things, but I'm not beating myself up over it like I was a week ago. I did gain a lot of weight in my first trimester, but over the last 2 months, I've only gained about 3-5lbs...which is actually pretty great. Average is a gain of 1 pound a week at this point in pregnancy, so I'll be happy if I can just keep up with that.
I've had so many wonderful friends and people at my gym who tell me I look amazing for being 6 months along and while my first instinct is to not believe them, I'm learning to trust that they're not just being nice and that maybe I'm not doing as horribly as I once thought. As previously mentioned, I do seem to be gaining most of it in the right places, so hopefully it will come off quicker than I'm worried it will.
I had to go buy a few more items of maternity clothes this week and that helped boost my confidence a bit too. Before pregnancy, I was fitting in size XL clothes from Old Navy. I'm still able to do so as far as tops go, which is great. Unfortunately, I did have to make the jump from XL back up to 1X in pants (which was hard to do mentally after working so long to get out of plus size clothing) but I'm okay with it and I know it's not forever :)
26 weeks, 14 to go! I have my glucose screening test with my midwife next week and everything is going great. Second trimester is pretty awesome. Gonna go enjoy it before things get hard again!
Monday, September 15, 2014
Time to vent...
I gotta say...this hormonal pregnancy stuff is NOT my favorite part of growing a little life inside of me. I'm pretty sure I hate it. Things have been a bit rough for a few weeks now, but today felt a bit like a breaking point. With actual tears and everything. But maybe that's a good thing.
I'm not even sure I can really find the right words for how I'm feeling, but I'm going to try...mostly because I need to get it all out for my own sanity. I know most people do/will roll their eyes when they realize I'm getting upset about my weight while I'm pregnant, and that's fine. Roll away. But if you had been on the journey I've been on and fought the mental and physical battles that I've fought with my weight and health...you'd understand why I feel the way I do.
I'm 25 weeks pregnant and to date, I've gained about 30-35lbs depending on which scale I use or what time of day it is. People say, "So what! You're pregnant! Enjoy it! You're allowed to gain weight and eat what you want. It will all come off quickly after the baby is born, etc." And honestly, that's what people SHOULD say...because the last thing any normal person wants to do is piss off a pregnant woman by telling her she's fat or that she's gained too much weight. So I get it. But at the same time, that response only enables me to do what I had sworn at the beginning of my pregnancy..that I wouldn't do! It's a tough balancing act.
To be fair, I do know that not all of those pounds gained are my fault. I AM growing another human being inside of me, and that little guy takes up quite a bit of room already. I also know, at least by the fit of my clothes and the way I look in the mirror/pictures, that I seem to be (for the most part anyway) gaining the weight in my belly and chest which is where it should be going. But 30-35lbs is normal for an entire pregnancy. And at this rate, it terrifies me to think of where I will be come the end of December.
Sure, I still work out regularly...modifying what I need to to keep myself and the baby safe. And no, I'm not eating out 3 meals a day and enjoying an entire sheet cake in bed while I watch tv at night. It's not gotten THAT extreme. But I'm finding that the will power and the drive that I had before just seems to be constantly eluding me. Maybe I'm just tired. I eat a healthy breakfast pretty much every day. Lunch too. But the second I become responsible for feeding anyone but myself, it's like I forget how to do it. I HATE cooking. I mean seriously hate it. If it takes me more than 10 minutes to prepare, I literally get angry at it lol (again, I'm sure the hormones aren't helping here). I just don't have the patience, the creativity, the know how...or the desire. By the time dinner comes around, I'm just exhausted and I just plain don't wanna. So my pregnancy becomes an excuse...and more often than not...I just don't do it. Now before I get accused of being a horrible mother...I still feed my kids!! haha. But we eat out more often than we should/can afford...or I throw a concoction in the crock pot...or they get spaghetti and garlic bread twice a week while I resort to a bowl of cereal.
BUT JILL! You're pregnant!!! Stop being so hard on yourself!
Yes, I know. And you can keep saying that to me, but it won't change my brain's chemistry or suddenly make any of this easier. My biggest fear from day 1 of this pregnancy was that once the baby comes, I will be back where I started with my weight (or close to it). The weight is coming on faster now that the baby is growing exponentially and it absolutely terrifies me. Even on the days when I feel like I've eaten healthy and exercised plenty...my body seems to hold onto the weight differently than it did before...like my weight gain has an unstoppable momentum.
I realize now that I'm rambling and all the thoughts/emotions inside are just spilling out in no particular order. I'm sorry for that. I just don't know what to do. One day I'll turn to Nathan and tell him that I'm just going to stop stressing over my weight gain because my midwife will tell me if it's an issue and I'm just going to enjoy this pregnancy. And then the next day I'll ride that mentality all the way to pizza hut, completely binge...and then wake up the next morning feeling guilty and realizing that I can't just "do whatever I want"...because while it might be more relaxing and enjoyable for the next 3 1/2 months...it will send me into a severe depression when January comes and I have 50+ pounds that I have to lose all over again.
I just wish I could find some sort of balance. That's all. I never realized that being pregnant after such a huge weight loss would have so many of its own struggles to come with it. But I guess it is just another lesson for me to learn. More experiences for me to struggle through and overcome. Maybe the balance should just be to have more good days than bad ones on any given week. Because I will go crazy (and drive my family crazy in the process) if I can't find some happy medium in this pregnancy.
Funny thing is...I feel like I've become more obsessed over my weight while pregnant than I ever was while losing it in the first place. Maybe that should tell me something.
Vent over.
I'm not even sure I can really find the right words for how I'm feeling, but I'm going to try...mostly because I need to get it all out for my own sanity. I know most people do/will roll their eyes when they realize I'm getting upset about my weight while I'm pregnant, and that's fine. Roll away. But if you had been on the journey I've been on and fought the mental and physical battles that I've fought with my weight and health...you'd understand why I feel the way I do.
I'm 25 weeks pregnant and to date, I've gained about 30-35lbs depending on which scale I use or what time of day it is. People say, "So what! You're pregnant! Enjoy it! You're allowed to gain weight and eat what you want. It will all come off quickly after the baby is born, etc." And honestly, that's what people SHOULD say...because the last thing any normal person wants to do is piss off a pregnant woman by telling her she's fat or that she's gained too much weight. So I get it. But at the same time, that response only enables me to do what I had sworn at the beginning of my pregnancy..that I wouldn't do! It's a tough balancing act.
To be fair, I do know that not all of those pounds gained are my fault. I AM growing another human being inside of me, and that little guy takes up quite a bit of room already. I also know, at least by the fit of my clothes and the way I look in the mirror/pictures, that I seem to be (for the most part anyway) gaining the weight in my belly and chest which is where it should be going. But 30-35lbs is normal for an entire pregnancy. And at this rate, it terrifies me to think of where I will be come the end of December.
Sure, I still work out regularly...modifying what I need to to keep myself and the baby safe. And no, I'm not eating out 3 meals a day and enjoying an entire sheet cake in bed while I watch tv at night. It's not gotten THAT extreme. But I'm finding that the will power and the drive that I had before just seems to be constantly eluding me. Maybe I'm just tired. I eat a healthy breakfast pretty much every day. Lunch too. But the second I become responsible for feeding anyone but myself, it's like I forget how to do it. I HATE cooking. I mean seriously hate it. If it takes me more than 10 minutes to prepare, I literally get angry at it lol (again, I'm sure the hormones aren't helping here). I just don't have the patience, the creativity, the know how...or the desire. By the time dinner comes around, I'm just exhausted and I just plain don't wanna. So my pregnancy becomes an excuse...and more often than not...I just don't do it. Now before I get accused of being a horrible mother...I still feed my kids!! haha. But we eat out more often than we should/can afford...or I throw a concoction in the crock pot...or they get spaghetti and garlic bread twice a week while I resort to a bowl of cereal.
BUT JILL! You're pregnant!!! Stop being so hard on yourself!
Yes, I know. And you can keep saying that to me, but it won't change my brain's chemistry or suddenly make any of this easier. My biggest fear from day 1 of this pregnancy was that once the baby comes, I will be back where I started with my weight (or close to it). The weight is coming on faster now that the baby is growing exponentially and it absolutely terrifies me. Even on the days when I feel like I've eaten healthy and exercised plenty...my body seems to hold onto the weight differently than it did before...like my weight gain has an unstoppable momentum.
I realize now that I'm rambling and all the thoughts/emotions inside are just spilling out in no particular order. I'm sorry for that. I just don't know what to do. One day I'll turn to Nathan and tell him that I'm just going to stop stressing over my weight gain because my midwife will tell me if it's an issue and I'm just going to enjoy this pregnancy. And then the next day I'll ride that mentality all the way to pizza hut, completely binge...and then wake up the next morning feeling guilty and realizing that I can't just "do whatever I want"...because while it might be more relaxing and enjoyable for the next 3 1/2 months...it will send me into a severe depression when January comes and I have 50+ pounds that I have to lose all over again.
I just wish I could find some sort of balance. That's all. I never realized that being pregnant after such a huge weight loss would have so many of its own struggles to come with it. But I guess it is just another lesson for me to learn. More experiences for me to struggle through and overcome. Maybe the balance should just be to have more good days than bad ones on any given week. Because I will go crazy (and drive my family crazy in the process) if I can't find some happy medium in this pregnancy.
Funny thing is...I feel like I've become more obsessed over my weight while pregnant than I ever was while losing it in the first place. Maybe that should tell me something.
Vent over.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Unsolicited Advice...
I wanted to write this post a few days ago when this incident occurred, but I decided to do what my dad always taught me...which is to let myself calm down before writing/publishing something. He's a smart man. So lucky for you, there will be less swearing involved haha.
This past Saturday, I received a text from a Utah phone number that I didn't recognize. I asked who the person was and got no response. I am still unsure who wrote it. Here's what it said (though, the text itself was in ALL CAPS)
":You are a strong woman who went from being weak to food to being addicted to micromanaging your weight. You are beautiful and a great mother but your children and family are paying for your new addiction. Enjoy life and all of your blessings. Your appearance is not as important as important as they are" (typos were left in)
My initial reaction was along the lines of, "Who the hell are you to throw around sugar coated accusations?" Well...actually my initial reaction was, "Is this spam?" but those I've spoken to agree that it's far too personal to be spam. I was angry. Not knowing who sent it was the main reason for my anger. As I told my friend Kate that day, "If I knew who it came from, at least I would know the context of my relationship and where they might have been coming from with these statements." But I don't. For whatever reason, this person felt that their words would be better received anonymously. Because they have chosen not to reveal themselves and have a private conversation with me about their feelings, I'm resorting to a public blog where I can address what was said whether they choose to accept/acknowledge/understand it or not.
I will try to address this message one point at a time. So here goes:
1) "You are a strong woman who went from being weak to food...."
I am still weak to food. This has not changed. I am, and will always be, a food addict. I have a very hard time saying no to the things I love, and sometimes, even eating them in moderation isn't enough. I still have bad days and I still binge on occasion. Especially now that I'm 20 weeks pregnant...my food addiction seems to be 100 times worse!
2) "...to being addicted to micromanaging your weight."
First of all, this statement tells me that this person must not realize I'm pregnant. And they also must not realize that in the past 4 months, I have gained 25lbs already. Yes. 25. I weighed in today in my weight loss group for the first time since getting pregnant and it was a wake up call. So micromanaging my weight loss is the last thing I've been doing. Yes, I run a weight loss group. But the "management" I do in there is not just about the number on my scale or anyone elses. Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes in that group can tell you that it's about changing the way you live. It's about learning a healthier lifestyle and learning to be happy with who you are. You can do those things and still celebrate the number on the scale going down. It is not a crime to lose weight or to want to do so. It is also not a crime for me to LOVE helping others do so. If anything, that is what I'm addicted to. I love watching other people change right before my eyes into someone that they WANT to be. They work hard and it pays off.
If I were in fact micromanaging my weight, it wouldn't have taken me 2 1/2 years to lose 100lbs. I would have broken into the 100's by now. I would live at the gym. I would obsess over every little calorie that went into my mouth. I would spiral into fits of black depression anytime I gained an ounce. I would never let chocolate pass my lips (among many other things which I promise have passed my lips on a far too regular basis haha). I am simply living my life and trying to not do it mindlessly. I am trying to be more conscious about what I am doing.
3) "You are beautiful and a great mother but your children and family are paying for your new addiction."
Thank you. For the first time in my life, I DO feel beautiful. And I DO feel like a great mother. And you know why that is? Because I changed my life, lost weight and became healthier. My "addiction" to exercising and eating better has made me and my family happier than we've ever been together. Why? Because I'm no longer the fat mom who sits on the sidelines while her family has all the fun. I go on roller-coasters, I jump on the trampoline (when not pregnant anyway), I put on a swimsuit and go in the pool....I actually live my life now. Instead of hiding away from the world in my bedroom with a bag of chips or on my computer in a game world where no one can see what I look like...I actually spend TIME with my family. I went from being depressed, miserable and absolutely hating my life...to having happy, involved kids...real live friends...and a marriage that sees a lot more action than it ever did at 330lbs. (Right baby? *winks*) This is how my family is "paying for my new addiction." And I won't ever go back.
4) " Enjoy life and all of your blessings. Your appearance is not as important as important as they are."
AMEN. In case it wasn't clear enough in the last section...I am enjoying my life. Finally. I'm pregnant with my 4th child, I'm teaching Zumba, I'm going out with friends, I'm spending a lot of quality time with my family...and life is AMAZING! My family is more important to me than anything else in this world. If I had to weigh 600lbs to keep them, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But luckily, I don't. Yes, they are more important than my appearance, but it's true what they say about needing to learn to love yourself before you can truly love others. And that's what I needed to do. Of course, I have always loved my husband and my children! Always! But NOW...I love them better. Not more....BETTER.
So to the anonymous person who thinks they know me....maybe now you know me a little better. I wish you a happy life with YOUR family. May it be happy, healthy and full of all the things you want for yourself and for them.
This past Saturday, I received a text from a Utah phone number that I didn't recognize. I asked who the person was and got no response. I am still unsure who wrote it. Here's what it said (though, the text itself was in ALL CAPS)
":You are a strong woman who went from being weak to food to being addicted to micromanaging your weight. You are beautiful and a great mother but your children and family are paying for your new addiction. Enjoy life and all of your blessings. Your appearance is not as important as important as they are" (typos were left in)
My initial reaction was along the lines of, "Who the hell are you to throw around sugar coated accusations?" Well...actually my initial reaction was, "Is this spam?" but those I've spoken to agree that it's far too personal to be spam. I was angry. Not knowing who sent it was the main reason for my anger. As I told my friend Kate that day, "If I knew who it came from, at least I would know the context of my relationship and where they might have been coming from with these statements." But I don't. For whatever reason, this person felt that their words would be better received anonymously. Because they have chosen not to reveal themselves and have a private conversation with me about their feelings, I'm resorting to a public blog where I can address what was said whether they choose to accept/acknowledge/understand it or not.
I will try to address this message one point at a time. So here goes:
1) "You are a strong woman who went from being weak to food...."
I am still weak to food. This has not changed. I am, and will always be, a food addict. I have a very hard time saying no to the things I love, and sometimes, even eating them in moderation isn't enough. I still have bad days and I still binge on occasion. Especially now that I'm 20 weeks pregnant...my food addiction seems to be 100 times worse!
2) "...to being addicted to micromanaging your weight."
First of all, this statement tells me that this person must not realize I'm pregnant. And they also must not realize that in the past 4 months, I have gained 25lbs already. Yes. 25. I weighed in today in my weight loss group for the first time since getting pregnant and it was a wake up call. So micromanaging my weight loss is the last thing I've been doing. Yes, I run a weight loss group. But the "management" I do in there is not just about the number on my scale or anyone elses. Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes in that group can tell you that it's about changing the way you live. It's about learning a healthier lifestyle and learning to be happy with who you are. You can do those things and still celebrate the number on the scale going down. It is not a crime to lose weight or to want to do so. It is also not a crime for me to LOVE helping others do so. If anything, that is what I'm addicted to. I love watching other people change right before my eyes into someone that they WANT to be. They work hard and it pays off.
If I were in fact micromanaging my weight, it wouldn't have taken me 2 1/2 years to lose 100lbs. I would have broken into the 100's by now. I would live at the gym. I would obsess over every little calorie that went into my mouth. I would spiral into fits of black depression anytime I gained an ounce. I would never let chocolate pass my lips (among many other things which I promise have passed my lips on a far too regular basis haha). I am simply living my life and trying to not do it mindlessly. I am trying to be more conscious about what I am doing.
3) "You are beautiful and a great mother but your children and family are paying for your new addiction."
Thank you. For the first time in my life, I DO feel beautiful. And I DO feel like a great mother. And you know why that is? Because I changed my life, lost weight and became healthier. My "addiction" to exercising and eating better has made me and my family happier than we've ever been together. Why? Because I'm no longer the fat mom who sits on the sidelines while her family has all the fun. I go on roller-coasters, I jump on the trampoline (when not pregnant anyway), I put on a swimsuit and go in the pool....I actually live my life now. Instead of hiding away from the world in my bedroom with a bag of chips or on my computer in a game world where no one can see what I look like...I actually spend TIME with my family. I went from being depressed, miserable and absolutely hating my life...to having happy, involved kids...real live friends...and a marriage that sees a lot more action than it ever did at 330lbs. (Right baby? *winks*) This is how my family is "paying for my new addiction." And I won't ever go back.
4) " Enjoy life and all of your blessings. Your appearance is not as important as important as they are."
AMEN. In case it wasn't clear enough in the last section...I am enjoying my life. Finally. I'm pregnant with my 4th child, I'm teaching Zumba, I'm going out with friends, I'm spending a lot of quality time with my family...and life is AMAZING! My family is more important to me than anything else in this world. If I had to weigh 600lbs to keep them, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But luckily, I don't. Yes, they are more important than my appearance, but it's true what they say about needing to learn to love yourself before you can truly love others. And that's what I needed to do. Of course, I have always loved my husband and my children! Always! But NOW...I love them better. Not more....BETTER.
So to the anonymous person who thinks they know me....maybe now you know me a little better. I wish you a happy life with YOUR family. May it be happy, healthy and full of all the things you want for yourself and for them.
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