Thursday, April 10, 2014

SBD - Take two

So after that horrific fall off the wagon (which lasted a good week and a half), I decided to rewind and go back to phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  I know that's not how it's intended to be done, but I feel like I had no other choice, honestly.  My cravings were off the chart.  I have had much worse weeks in the past, in that I didn't go on a Big Mac binge or eat out every night.  But I was inhaling sweets like there was no tomorrow.  I can't even tell you how many donuts and girl scout cookies I ate over a one week span.  I'm glad I didn't keep count.

The only GOOD thing about the past week and a half is that I haven't stepped on my scale.  Well okay two good things.  I didn't step on MY scale, but I did do my body composition again at my Burn It class and I've lost another 2% of my body fat in the last 3 weeks.  So I'm glad to see that my binge on sugar hasn't completely ruined me.  I'm not going to step on my scale though until I've got a few good, clean eating days under my belt.

I started yesterday.  And I have to say that doing SBD when your house isn't stocked for it...is VERY hard. And boring.  The grocery shopping for the week had been done while I was hungry and we bought lots of unhealthy stuff.  The next trip isn't until next week.  So I have to make due with what we've got.  I've been eating grape tomatoes like they're candy.  Better than actual candy I suppose, huh?

I really wish I could understand my brain and why I do this to myself.  This self-sabotage stuff is getting really old.  I'm so close to hitting 200 and it's almost like my subconscious is afraid of hitting such a huge milestone. God knows why...it would be AWESOME.  Maybe I feel pressured.  Between my weight loss group and this blog, I know everyone is watching and waiting.  And while I love that support and encouragement, it's also a lot of pressure that I have invited onto my own shoulders.

Why does food have to be such an issue.  Instead of weight loss being 80% food and 20% exercise, why can't it be the other way around?  I'd have this thing done and over with by now!  I used to HATE exercise with a passion and could come up with any excuse to avoid it.  Over time I became addicted to it and refuse to go without it.  Why can't my addiction to food change that drastically?  It's hardly fair.  I mean sure, I don't eat the way I used to with the Big Macs and french fries twice a week.  I don't drink soda except for once in a very rare while and my stomach has begun to punish me for fried foods or overindulgence in dairy. So I guess that's a change...but to me it's not enough.  Why can't I stop craving bakery goods and bready cheesy goodness.  WHY lol.  I know life wouldn't be as fun without those things and that it's okay to have them in moderation blah blah blah.  But that's my problem.  I allow myself to have a little bit and then BOOM!  I've slid down that slope and I'm eating everything in sight.

Maybe one day I'll find a balance between the strict and boring phase 1 of SBD and a healthy diet that includes the occasional splurge.  I always seem to go one extreme or the other and it sucks.

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