Today I decided to sit down and re-read my blog from the beginning. I wanted to remember where I started and what I went through. I've mentioned in several of my blog entries how I sometimes have a hard time seeing how far I've come..and reading all those entries helped me to see it in more ways than one.
September 2010 Present Day
Weight 330 238
BMI 48% 34%
Diet HCG/no exercise 5-6 days in the gym/eating 1400 cals a day
Mile time Uh..20 mins walking 13:30 and I can jog the whole thing
Clothing size 28 18/20
Shoe size 11 10 1/2 (even my feet lost weight!)
Favorite meal Big Mac/Fries/anything Italian Zupas soup and salad
Favorite Drink Mountain Dew/Diet Coke Water!!! (I only drink soda maybe once a month)
There's probably more, but these are a pretty good way for me to see just how far I have come. I haven't just lost weight, I've become a completely different person. I wish I had done it all sooner, but I'm just grateful that that switch inside of me finally flipped and I'm no longer dieting. I just live differently. I'm healthier, I'm happier and I'm more excited about the future.
I've had quite a few people in my zumba class come up to me this past week to comment on my weight loss and ask me what diet I'm doing. It's always fun to watch their face drop when I tell them that it's just eating right and exercising. One lady and I got to talking and HCG came up and she said she was about to try it. I told her that I really wouldn't recommend it to ANYONE and that it was miserable for me. I had to laugh today reading back over my blog about my experience with HCG. I had people telling me it was a bad idea and unhealthy and I shouldn't do it but I was stubborn and determined and I lost 40+ lbs on it!! But just as most people had predicted...I gained almost all of it back. It was a quick fix. It was a "diet". It wasn't sustainable. It was painful and stressful and I'm 99% certain it caused my kidney stone. But I think in a messed up way, it also showed me that losing weight wasn't impossible. That I didn't HAVE to weigh 330 lbs my entire life. I had a choice.
That choice has saved my life...and it just keeps getting better.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Indulgence without bingeing
Today I turn 34 and in the weeks leading up to my birthday, I made a deal with myself. If I could eat really clean and lose a good amount of weight and be super duper good...I'd give myself one whole day to eat whatever I want without counting the calories. That was my birthday gift to myself and it sounded great!! Yesterday, my husband had the day off from work since he had a dentist appointment and my daughter's recital was in the afternoon. So we decided to have my food celebration a day early.
I worked out in the morning and had my weekly weigh-in and by the time I got to really eat anything, it was already lunch time! I had wasted half the day! So much to eat and so little time!! It sounds silly but I've been really excited about this indulgence day. I haven't had one in a long time (though I've let myself have little treats here and there) and there were so many things that sounded yummy. I made homemade cinnamon rolls (my favorite) and my husband bought a red velvet cake (also my favorite). The hardest part was deciding where to go to lunch!
We ended up going to Red Robin (Yum!) where I couldn't even finish my chicken sandwich and barely finished my first round of "bottomless" steak fries! Back in the day I could put those things away like water. It was amazing to see how much less I can stomach compared to when I was a bigger girl.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of eating like crap after eating very cleanly for so long is that your body rejects it...painfully lol. So for most of the day my tummy was not happy. I managed to eat a few cinnamon rolls and some of my favorite carne asada fries from Betos (with my first mountain dew in MONTHS!), but I never even got around to my birthday cake.
It was a very eye opening experience. It's so great to see that all my hard work is paying off in other ways than just on the scale. I actually found myself craving HEALTHY foods when I woke up this morning and started drowning myself in water just to flush out my system. I'm a different person now and I am finally learning how to indulge without bingeing.
I've always been a binge eater, which to me...is an emotional thing. I don't count yesterday as a binge because it was planned out far in advance, I earned it...and I felt in complete control of it. It was such a great feeling. I'm 36 days binge free and counting. Food addiction really is tough. I've never had to knock smoking or alcoholism or drugs, but I'd imagine this one is right up there with them. You can't just cold turkey quit. You need food to survive. You HAVE to eat. And training your body to crave the right things and choose the right things is really hard. I'm still far from perfect in my diet and there are plenty of things I will never give up...but I've definitely begun to see what things I really do not need anymore. The hardest days are the ones where I'm feeling upset or emotional. In the past I've always turned to food for comfort and it takes a lot of will power to not do that now...or to do it with foods that won't derail me. But I'm improving :)
I'm 8 lbs away from hitting my 100 lbs lost mark and I just keep reminding myself of that goal. It's a big one and I can't wait to get there!!!
I worked out in the morning and had my weekly weigh-in and by the time I got to really eat anything, it was already lunch time! I had wasted half the day! So much to eat and so little time!! It sounds silly but I've been really excited about this indulgence day. I haven't had one in a long time (though I've let myself have little treats here and there) and there were so many things that sounded yummy. I made homemade cinnamon rolls (my favorite) and my husband bought a red velvet cake (also my favorite). The hardest part was deciding where to go to lunch!
We ended up going to Red Robin (Yum!) where I couldn't even finish my chicken sandwich and barely finished my first round of "bottomless" steak fries! Back in the day I could put those things away like water. It was amazing to see how much less I can stomach compared to when I was a bigger girl.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of eating like crap after eating very cleanly for so long is that your body rejects it...painfully lol. So for most of the day my tummy was not happy. I managed to eat a few cinnamon rolls and some of my favorite carne asada fries from Betos (with my first mountain dew in MONTHS!), but I never even got around to my birthday cake.
It was a very eye opening experience. It's so great to see that all my hard work is paying off in other ways than just on the scale. I actually found myself craving HEALTHY foods when I woke up this morning and started drowning myself in water just to flush out my system. I'm a different person now and I am finally learning how to indulge without bingeing.
I've always been a binge eater, which to me...is an emotional thing. I don't count yesterday as a binge because it was planned out far in advance, I earned it...and I felt in complete control of it. It was such a great feeling. I'm 36 days binge free and counting. Food addiction really is tough. I've never had to knock smoking or alcoholism or drugs, but I'd imagine this one is right up there with them. You can't just cold turkey quit. You need food to survive. You HAVE to eat. And training your body to crave the right things and choose the right things is really hard. I'm still far from perfect in my diet and there are plenty of things I will never give up...but I've definitely begun to see what things I really do not need anymore. The hardest days are the ones where I'm feeling upset or emotional. In the past I've always turned to food for comfort and it takes a lot of will power to not do that now...or to do it with foods that won't derail me. But I'm improving :)
I'm 8 lbs away from hitting my 100 lbs lost mark and I just keep reminding myself of that goal. It's a big one and I can't wait to get there!!!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Best birthday present EVER!!! (Warning: It's a long one!)
The thing about writing a blog for so long is that you tend to forget what you've already written about and what you haven't. So if something sounds repetitive, I apologize. Deal with it haha.
As I'm sure I've mentioned many times before, my weight loss journey has been going on for as long as I can remember. Even in my teens I was trying things like Weight Watchers and Richard Simmons workouts to try and lose weight. Of course now I'd give anything to be the weight I was in high school, but I've always been slightly overweight, even back then. Since then I have tried almost every diet that's been out there. Nothing ever stuck. That's because I was calling them "diets".
And then season 11 of NBC's The Biggest Loser aired and while I loved the show before then, two new contestants...sisters...really made me fall in love with the show in a whole new way. Hannah Curlee and Olivia Ward were fun, spunky, hard working and really freaking determined for the entire season of that show and I admired them both. I felt a bit more of a connection with Hannah because she was a volleyball player and we're the same age and she just reminded me of myself as I watched her struggle over the course of the season. I felt like I was watching myself lose weight from the comfort of my couch with my chips and dip and bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, that doesn't quite work.
But watching them flipped a switch in me and I decided that it was time to change. I auditioned for season 12 of Biggest Loser. I told myself before even getting in that long line at 7am that whether I made the show or not, I was done being "morbidly obese". I was going to do this once and for all. Obviously I did not make the show, but the experience was something I will never forget. I walked away from it more determined than ever.
I went home and ordered my BodyMedia armband (which, though upgraded, I have worn for almost 2 years now) and bought our family's membership to the local gym/aquatic center. And then I created the thing that has helped me the most. Jilly's Losers. My little weight loss competition group on facebook has never grown to more than 30 people max, but it has become my family and the biggest support I've ever had aside from my actual family.
After a while I wanted to add even more things into my weight loss regimen that would push me to keep going..especially when I spent almost a year within the same 10lb range. I tried new classes at the gym and switched up my workouts in the weight room...but I was also introduced to dietbet.com by two of my very best friends, Amy and Angie. This website basically allows anyone to host their own weight loss competition where people pay a buy-in fee and have 4 weeks to lose 4% of their starting weight. Winners split the prize pot at the end. And when I heard that Hannah and Olivia from season 11...my favorite contestants ever...would be hosting their very own dietbet...I HAD to join.
The first round went great and I was able to lose all the weight I'd regained on my vacation to Florida as well as a bit more. When they announced a second round, it wasn't even a question. I was in. I had to lose 10lbs in 4 weeks (after having JUST done that same thing). But I was on a roll and I wasn't gonna stop! I broke through the famous 250 milestone that had eluded me for so long and kept going all the way down to where I'm at now...240.8. I won $48 and thought hey, that's awesome! I like money. But then there was the grand prize drawing.
The 750+ people who had lost their 4% were thrown into a random drawing (done by a computer) for the grand prize and two runner up prizes. They'd told us when the dietbet started that one grand prize winner would receive an all expenses paid trip for two to the Biggest Loser resort in Chicago (which JUST opened this weekend) for an entire week. And that both Hannah and Olivia would also be there with us! That's a pretty freaking awesome prize. The runner up prizes were brand new, waterproof armbands, which is also awesome considering the one I currently have has to be taken off to swim, etc.
Yesterday, Hannah and Olivia were having a live Google Hangout to answer questions and announce the winners. I mixed up my time zones and completely missed it as I was at the pool getting a nice burn with my family. I came home and remembered...and realized I'd missed it. Luckily they archive and post the chats so I excused myself from family time for a few mins to just go check quickly what I'd missed.
As I pulled up the webpage with the youtube video for the hangout...there it was. My name...sprawled out above the link saying Congratulations! You won the grand prize trip to Chicago! I did a double take and then I just started to scream. And then I screamed some more. This went on for long enough that my children started plugging their ears and telling me to stop haha. I opened the video and skipped to the part where they made the announcement just to make sure it wasn't some mistake (though I did go back and watch the whole video later...it was 45 mins long and I needed to know like NOW!).
People may think I'm nuts for being so overjoyed about a week long trip where I'll be working out for hours and hours a day, but this is very literally the best vacation I could ever imagine. I get to spend a whole week alongside the very people who got me started, learning from them and being pushed by them as I work harder than I probably ever have in my whole life and I'm going to love every sweaty, sore minute. Not to mention we will have amazing chefs cooking healthy meals for us all week and there will be luxurious spa accomodations for after the workouts haha.
The hardest part about winning such an amazing thing was having to decide who to take with me as I would love to take all the people in my life who have loved and supported me through all of this mess! But I'm excited to be going with one of my best friends, Amy...who is on a weight loss journey of her own and is sure to push me throughout the week that we're there. I know this is going to be an amazing experience and I am truly grateful that I've been given the opportunity. Somebody up there has definitely been cheering me on and has kept me from going insane and throwing my scale out the window when it hasn't been so easy.
So here's to the second half of my 180lb weight loss journey. May it be a bit shorter and less dramatic than the first!!
As I'm sure I've mentioned many times before, my weight loss journey has been going on for as long as I can remember. Even in my teens I was trying things like Weight Watchers and Richard Simmons workouts to try and lose weight. Of course now I'd give anything to be the weight I was in high school, but I've always been slightly overweight, even back then. Since then I have tried almost every diet that's been out there. Nothing ever stuck. That's because I was calling them "diets".
And then season 11 of NBC's The Biggest Loser aired and while I loved the show before then, two new contestants...sisters...really made me fall in love with the show in a whole new way. Hannah Curlee and Olivia Ward were fun, spunky, hard working and really freaking determined for the entire season of that show and I admired them both. I felt a bit more of a connection with Hannah because she was a volleyball player and we're the same age and she just reminded me of myself as I watched her struggle over the course of the season. I felt like I was watching myself lose weight from the comfort of my couch with my chips and dip and bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, that doesn't quite work.
But watching them flipped a switch in me and I decided that it was time to change. I auditioned for season 12 of Biggest Loser. I told myself before even getting in that long line at 7am that whether I made the show or not, I was done being "morbidly obese". I was going to do this once and for all. Obviously I did not make the show, but the experience was something I will never forget. I walked away from it more determined than ever.
I went home and ordered my BodyMedia armband (which, though upgraded, I have worn for almost 2 years now) and bought our family's membership to the local gym/aquatic center. And then I created the thing that has helped me the most. Jilly's Losers. My little weight loss competition group on facebook has never grown to more than 30 people max, but it has become my family and the biggest support I've ever had aside from my actual family.
After a while I wanted to add even more things into my weight loss regimen that would push me to keep going..especially when I spent almost a year within the same 10lb range. I tried new classes at the gym and switched up my workouts in the weight room...but I was also introduced to dietbet.com by two of my very best friends, Amy and Angie. This website basically allows anyone to host their own weight loss competition where people pay a buy-in fee and have 4 weeks to lose 4% of their starting weight. Winners split the prize pot at the end. And when I heard that Hannah and Olivia from season 11...my favorite contestants ever...would be hosting their very own dietbet...I HAD to join.
The first round went great and I was able to lose all the weight I'd regained on my vacation to Florida as well as a bit more. When they announced a second round, it wasn't even a question. I was in. I had to lose 10lbs in 4 weeks (after having JUST done that same thing). But I was on a roll and I wasn't gonna stop! I broke through the famous 250 milestone that had eluded me for so long and kept going all the way down to where I'm at now...240.8. I won $48 and thought hey, that's awesome! I like money. But then there was the grand prize drawing.
The 750+ people who had lost their 4% were thrown into a random drawing (done by a computer) for the grand prize and two runner up prizes. They'd told us when the dietbet started that one grand prize winner would receive an all expenses paid trip for two to the Biggest Loser resort in Chicago (which JUST opened this weekend) for an entire week. And that both Hannah and Olivia would also be there with us! That's a pretty freaking awesome prize. The runner up prizes were brand new, waterproof armbands, which is also awesome considering the one I currently have has to be taken off to swim, etc.
Yesterday, Hannah and Olivia were having a live Google Hangout to answer questions and announce the winners. I mixed up my time zones and completely missed it as I was at the pool getting a nice burn with my family. I came home and remembered...and realized I'd missed it. Luckily they archive and post the chats so I excused myself from family time for a few mins to just go check quickly what I'd missed.
As I pulled up the webpage with the youtube video for the hangout...there it was. My name...sprawled out above the link saying Congratulations! You won the grand prize trip to Chicago! I did a double take and then I just started to scream. And then I screamed some more. This went on for long enough that my children started plugging their ears and telling me to stop haha. I opened the video and skipped to the part where they made the announcement just to make sure it wasn't some mistake (though I did go back and watch the whole video later...it was 45 mins long and I needed to know like NOW!).
People may think I'm nuts for being so overjoyed about a week long trip where I'll be working out for hours and hours a day, but this is very literally the best vacation I could ever imagine. I get to spend a whole week alongside the very people who got me started, learning from them and being pushed by them as I work harder than I probably ever have in my whole life and I'm going to love every sweaty, sore minute. Not to mention we will have amazing chefs cooking healthy meals for us all week and there will be luxurious spa accomodations for after the workouts haha.
The hardest part about winning such an amazing thing was having to decide who to take with me as I would love to take all the people in my life who have loved and supported me through all of this mess! But I'm excited to be going with one of my best friends, Amy...who is on a weight loss journey of her own and is sure to push me throughout the week that we're there. I know this is going to be an amazing experience and I am truly grateful that I've been given the opportunity. Somebody up there has definitely been cheering me on and has kept me from going insane and throwing my scale out the window when it hasn't been so easy.
So here's to the second half of my 180lb weight loss journey. May it be a bit shorter and less dramatic than the first!!
Friday, May 10, 2013
2 goals, 1 week!
I love reaching goals. It used to be that I only had one goal. "Get to 150-160 lbs....ready go." But after trying every diet known to man, I kind of realized there had to be some smaller steps taken to get me to that HUGE goal of losing 180 lbs. 180 lbs...wow that's a lot. But anyway! I started setting smaller goals...things like "Break 300 lbs" or "Try a class at the gym" or "Run a mile without stopping." That last one was especially hard for me to reach (which I did about a year ago) due to my chronic bronchitis and still gives me a really hard time now.
I belong to another weight loss group run by my great friend Angie...and she belongs to Jilly's Losers. Running these groups and joining each other's has been a great motivation for both of us. And it's given me double the chance to set goals for myself. At the beginning of her current "season" she asked us all to set a goal to be achieved within the 12 weeks that the season runs. In the past, I've always chosen a number. I want to reach such and such a weight. And it's never quite pushed me as hard as I would've liked. So this time around, I told her that I wanted to run/jog a sub 14 minute mile. I'm sure some of you are laughing and saying "I can walk faster than that!!" And honestly, I probably can too. But I wanted to RUN. And running takes a lot out of me.
My last mile time was taken in February at the beginning of Jilly's Losers season 5 when I challenged everyone to a fitness test (that we're now repeating in our final week to see our progress). My time in Feb. was 14:40. That was better than my then "best" of about 15 mins so I was happy with that. So when I set my goal of beating 14 mins, I thought "This is going to kill me, but I'm going to try it anyway." And then I got so into zumba that my running training fell flat.
Then my foot started to hurt and I knew I was going to have to come up with another goal. So I talked to Angie and decided to instead try and beat my best time at a mile in the pool. I got in a few good, hard workouts in the pool and when this week came I decided to give it a shot. I pushed myself harder than I have in probably 20 years and I beat my time by a whole minute. I had reached the goal I set for Angie's group and I was ready to find a new one to move onto.
But then I posted the challenge in my own group. Time to redo the fitness challenge from 3 months ago. I'd lost 8 inches total (chest, waist, hips, thighs) and upped my pushups by 10!! The only thing left was crunches and the mile. I could have used the "Dr. said I shouldn't" excuse and sat it out, but I'm kinda stubborn....and it's just one mile, right? So today I decided to suck it up and just go. I hopped on the treadmill, race-walked for a minute and then started to run. A 4.8 speed sounds like a joke to most of the people I know, but my lungs disagree. I ran for 3 minutes then race-walked again....ran for 3 and walked once more. As I got closer to the finish line I realized I was on track to get that sub 14 minute mile I so badly wanted so I upped my speed one more notch and ran the rest of the way..my eyes on that timer, willing it to slow down. (I'd like to add that I forgot my headphones today, so I had NO music to inspire me. It sucked!)
13:43. I couldn't believe it. I had taken 57 seconds off my time from just 3 months ago. I was huffin' and puffin' like nobody's business and you'd think I'd just run a marathon, but I did it. Two goals in one week. One day I hope to run a mile under 10 mins and I fully intend on reaching 150-160 lbs...but those are long term goals and I don't need to worry about them right now. One step at a time is all it takes. Even if they're little ones.
I belong to another weight loss group run by my great friend Angie...and she belongs to Jilly's Losers. Running these groups and joining each other's has been a great motivation for both of us. And it's given me double the chance to set goals for myself. At the beginning of her current "season" she asked us all to set a goal to be achieved within the 12 weeks that the season runs. In the past, I've always chosen a number. I want to reach such and such a weight. And it's never quite pushed me as hard as I would've liked. So this time around, I told her that I wanted to run/jog a sub 14 minute mile. I'm sure some of you are laughing and saying "I can walk faster than that!!" And honestly, I probably can too. But I wanted to RUN. And running takes a lot out of me.
My last mile time was taken in February at the beginning of Jilly's Losers season 5 when I challenged everyone to a fitness test (that we're now repeating in our final week to see our progress). My time in Feb. was 14:40. That was better than my then "best" of about 15 mins so I was happy with that. So when I set my goal of beating 14 mins, I thought "This is going to kill me, but I'm going to try it anyway." And then I got so into zumba that my running training fell flat.
Then my foot started to hurt and I knew I was going to have to come up with another goal. So I talked to Angie and decided to instead try and beat my best time at a mile in the pool. I got in a few good, hard workouts in the pool and when this week came I decided to give it a shot. I pushed myself harder than I have in probably 20 years and I beat my time by a whole minute. I had reached the goal I set for Angie's group and I was ready to find a new one to move onto.
But then I posted the challenge in my own group. Time to redo the fitness challenge from 3 months ago. I'd lost 8 inches total (chest, waist, hips, thighs) and upped my pushups by 10!! The only thing left was crunches and the mile. I could have used the "Dr. said I shouldn't" excuse and sat it out, but I'm kinda stubborn....and it's just one mile, right? So today I decided to suck it up and just go. I hopped on the treadmill, race-walked for a minute and then started to run. A 4.8 speed sounds like a joke to most of the people I know, but my lungs disagree. I ran for 3 minutes then race-walked again....ran for 3 and walked once more. As I got closer to the finish line I realized I was on track to get that sub 14 minute mile I so badly wanted so I upped my speed one more notch and ran the rest of the way..my eyes on that timer, willing it to slow down. (I'd like to add that I forgot my headphones today, so I had NO music to inspire me. It sucked!)
13:43. I couldn't believe it. I had taken 57 seconds off my time from just 3 months ago. I was huffin' and puffin' like nobody's business and you'd think I'd just run a marathon, but I did it. Two goals in one week. One day I hope to run a mile under 10 mins and I fully intend on reaching 150-160 lbs...but those are long term goals and I don't need to worry about them right now. One step at a time is all it takes. Even if they're little ones.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Setbacks...
I'd mentioned in a Facebook post last week that my Dr. had diagnosed me with plantar fasciitis in my right foot. What I didn't get into is just how much that diagnosis has upset me and felt like a setback.
I've had friends get this diagnosis before and heard the horrible stories about how they can't walk, let alone workout. When my foot first started to hurt me, I honestly prayed that it was a stress fracture because at least that would be fixable. I avoided going to the Dr. because I didn't want to hear that I had to ease up for a few months. I didn't want to hear "You need to stop working out so hard." In the past, I would've loved something like this from a Dr. It's an excuse to avoid the gym! It's an excuse to mope around and eat what I want and gain a few lbs. without feeling guilty because well...the doctor told me I had to take it easy so there!
However...I didn't get where I am by sitting around and avoiding the gym and eating what I want. I've worked painfully hard to lose my 82 lbs and I know how much of that came from working out 5-6 days a week...every week. My "typical" week usually goes like this:
Monday: 1 hour of zumba, 30 mins run/walk intervals on treadmill
Tuesday: 1 hour of zumba, 30 mins intervals on elliptical, 2 hours of volleyball
Wednesday: Rest or light walk
Thursday: 1 hour of zumba
Friday: 1 hour of yoga, 30 mins on treadmill or elliptical
Saturday and Sunday: resistance/cardio intervals and whatever else I'm in the mood for
Working out is the "easy" part of my weight loss journey now. I used to HATE it, but now it's the air I breathe. What scared me the most about this diagnosis is the realization that I'll have to focus that much more intensely on the diet part...on my eating. As previously mentioned, I've gotten a lot better about what I eat and how much, but I'm far from perfect. And without the ability to go all out and sweat my ass off in the gym...I'm terrified that if I'm NOT perfect with my food...I'll see the # on the scale start to rise again.
So I ignored my foot. For 3 weeks, I kept pushing myself and ignored the twinges of pain until I just couldn't take it anymore. So a few x-rays later, I got my expected diagnosis...and I wanted to cry. Sure, he told me I can swim...which I love...but doing it every day is not something I would enjoy. And if I don't enjoy a workout, I'm not going to do it. But he flat out told me NO to volleyball and NO to running. I suck at running, so I wasn't TOO sad about that (though it's a great calorie burner for me)...but taking away my favorite workout of the week was just cruel!! I asked him if I could still do zumba or if it would make it worse. He said, "Well...you can do it, but you'll know pretty quick if it was a bad idea."
So maybe I'll have to ice and stretch a bit more often, but I decided to keep my zumba. I went to class today and it felt GREAT! I know that I need to listen to my body and not overdo it, and I've promised myself I'll do that. But I've also promised myself that I will do my very best to not let this become...a setback. Part of me thinks maybe it's even a blessing in disguise as it's really honed me in on my eating habits and taught me even more about what things I can eat without a problem and what things will send that # soaring. I'm slowly learning to ignore my cravings and late night fast food urges...and I've even started a counter on my phone for days that I've gone without a food binge.
So yes, this whole foot thing SUCKS and part of me wonders why I'm having so many health issues now that I'm healthier and smaller. But I know that this is all just a bump in the road. I'm a happier person. Period. And I'm not going to let this be the thing that sends me back down that slippery slope into the 300's+. Been there, done that...threw away the t-shirt.
I've had friends get this diagnosis before and heard the horrible stories about how they can't walk, let alone workout. When my foot first started to hurt me, I honestly prayed that it was a stress fracture because at least that would be fixable. I avoided going to the Dr. because I didn't want to hear that I had to ease up for a few months. I didn't want to hear "You need to stop working out so hard." In the past, I would've loved something like this from a Dr. It's an excuse to avoid the gym! It's an excuse to mope around and eat what I want and gain a few lbs. without feeling guilty because well...the doctor told me I had to take it easy so there!
However...I didn't get where I am by sitting around and avoiding the gym and eating what I want. I've worked painfully hard to lose my 82 lbs and I know how much of that came from working out 5-6 days a week...every week. My "typical" week usually goes like this:
Monday: 1 hour of zumba, 30 mins run/walk intervals on treadmill
Tuesday: 1 hour of zumba, 30 mins intervals on elliptical, 2 hours of volleyball
Wednesday: Rest or light walk
Thursday: 1 hour of zumba
Friday: 1 hour of yoga, 30 mins on treadmill or elliptical
Saturday and Sunday: resistance/cardio intervals and whatever else I'm in the mood for
Working out is the "easy" part of my weight loss journey now. I used to HATE it, but now it's the air I breathe. What scared me the most about this diagnosis is the realization that I'll have to focus that much more intensely on the diet part...on my eating. As previously mentioned, I've gotten a lot better about what I eat and how much, but I'm far from perfect. And without the ability to go all out and sweat my ass off in the gym...I'm terrified that if I'm NOT perfect with my food...I'll see the # on the scale start to rise again.
So I ignored my foot. For 3 weeks, I kept pushing myself and ignored the twinges of pain until I just couldn't take it anymore. So a few x-rays later, I got my expected diagnosis...and I wanted to cry. Sure, he told me I can swim...which I love...but doing it every day is not something I would enjoy. And if I don't enjoy a workout, I'm not going to do it. But he flat out told me NO to volleyball and NO to running. I suck at running, so I wasn't TOO sad about that (though it's a great calorie burner for me)...but taking away my favorite workout of the week was just cruel!! I asked him if I could still do zumba or if it would make it worse. He said, "Well...you can do it, but you'll know pretty quick if it was a bad idea."
So maybe I'll have to ice and stretch a bit more often, but I decided to keep my zumba. I went to class today and it felt GREAT! I know that I need to listen to my body and not overdo it, and I've promised myself I'll do that. But I've also promised myself that I will do my very best to not let this become...a setback. Part of me thinks maybe it's even a blessing in disguise as it's really honed me in on my eating habits and taught me even more about what things I can eat without a problem and what things will send that # soaring. I'm slowly learning to ignore my cravings and late night fast food urges...and I've even started a counter on my phone for days that I've gone without a food binge.
So yes, this whole foot thing SUCKS and part of me wonders why I'm having so many health issues now that I'm healthier and smaller. But I know that this is all just a bump in the road. I'm a happier person. Period. And I'm not going to let this be the thing that sends me back down that slippery slope into the 300's+. Been there, done that...threw away the t-shirt.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
New jeans...How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
So today was the day. I wanted new jeans. I earned new jeans. I went to get new jeans. Now I am no fashionista and I certainly am not going to spend hundreds of dollars on jeans that I'm determined to shrink out of so I went to Lane Bryant. Good, fashionable clothes...not cheap, but not kill ya dead spendy either. I used to be a size 28 in both tops and bottoms. As I've lost weight, I've lost it from the top down. Anyone who has seen my face is shocked at how much I've lost. My chest has also shrunk, though still remains entirely too big for my taste. My hips, butt and thighs however...have been much slower to follow suit.
I started fitting into size 18/20 (1X) tops about 6-9 months ago and was so excited. But no matter what I did, I couldn't get below a size 22 pants. So today I went into Lane Bryant and started looking for size 22's. Being spring, their selection wasn't much and I was only able to find ONE PAIR. Pouting, I went to the fitting room and put them on....more easily than expected. Wait a minute...these fit...and are even a little big! What the crap!! I was so excited. I ran back out and started grabbing all the 20's I could find. Needless to say I was dancing around the changing room like a little kid in a twirly dress, but man I was just so happy!!! They went on without me having to suck it in or wiggle and jump into them from a high dive. And it wasn't even just one particular style! THEY ALL FIT! I probably could have jammed myself into 18's if I wanted to go for "that kind of look", but I decided comfort was more important than size. So I got my celebratory, sub-250lb jeans...and I love them. I had to leave the store quickly before I went on a size 20 spending spree. New clothes are just too much fun! So here ya go...these are my new jeans. Yes, I still have several sizes left to go, but hey...I'm WAY closer than I used to be!
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I started fitting into size 18/20 (1X) tops about 6-9 months ago and was so excited. But no matter what I did, I couldn't get below a size 22 pants. So today I went into Lane Bryant and started looking for size 22's. Being spring, their selection wasn't much and I was only able to find ONE PAIR. Pouting, I went to the fitting room and put them on....more easily than expected. Wait a minute...these fit...and are even a little big! What the crap!! I was so excited. I ran back out and started grabbing all the 20's I could find. Needless to say I was dancing around the changing room like a little kid in a twirly dress, but man I was just so happy!!! They went on without me having to suck it in or wiggle and jump into them from a high dive. And it wasn't even just one particular style! THEY ALL FIT! I probably could have jammed myself into 18's if I wanted to go for "that kind of look", but I decided comfort was more important than size. So I got my celebratory, sub-250lb jeans...and I love them. I had to leave the store quickly before I went on a size 20 spending spree. New clothes are just too much fun! So here ya go...these are my new jeans. Yes, I still have several sizes left to go, but hey...I'm WAY closer than I used to be!
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Tuesday, April 16, 2013
It's okay to celebrate...
Yesterday I hit a pretty huge milestone in my weight loss. But as I came home from the gym and stepped on the scale and went to tell those I loved...the news came of what happened in Boston and it just didn't seem as important anymore. Seeing the horrific views of my beloved Boston..a place I spent most of my growing up and a place that holds so many memories for me...it just killed me. But I realized today that I can mourn and pray for those back "home" and still celebrate my successes at the same time. Those who were running that marathon were going after their own goals and dreams. And that's what I'm doing here. Reaching and working hard for for something I've always dreamed of. So today, I'm celebrating my big success.
I finally broke 250 lbs. The scale now stares back at me with a 248.2 and such a "big person number" has never made me so stinking happy. When I realized yesterday that I had accomplished something I've been straining for and falling short of for the last year...I thought the scale was lying to me. So I checked again..and then again. And I had still broken that 250 barrier. I screamed and smiled...and then I cried. And then I called my husband and cried some more. It's just a number. This is silly right? But gratitude just overwhelmed me and crying just couldn't be helped.
Last March when I went to Boston to visit my family, I was at 267 lbs. At the time, it was the lowest I'd been in over a decade and I was excited. I was sure I'd be at my goal weight a year from then. Little did I know that I had in fact hit a really big freaking wall. For almost an entire year, my weight fluctuated between 262 and 268 with a quick drop down into the mid 250's before jumping right back up after our trip to Florida this past January. I was beyond frustrated. I was working out 5-6 days a week and eating better than I had in years, but nothing was working.
Then when I started this current round of Jilly's Losers, I found myself at 264 lbs and feeling like a failure. But this time was going to be different. I swore it. My group had swelled with all new members and it was like a brand new fire had been lit beneath us all. Everyone was so excited and gung-ho and it just made me want to work that much harder. But I knew that wanting to lose the weight and break through that wall..wasn't going to be enough. Wanting it badly is important, sure...but not enough. So I made some changes. Most of which I've already blogged about. I changed up my workout routine from doing the same cardio machines and weights to taking classes almost every day at the gym. I got my sister, Heidi, to write me up some new strength training/cardio interval workouts as well and then I focused on where I knew I was going to need the most work. My diet.
Sure, my eating is VERY different now than it was 2 years ago. I don't keep soda in the house anymore, we haven't had white bread around in as long...we make things with ground turkey now instead of beef and I can no longer stomach a Big Mac like I used to (moment of silence please!). But after losing a lot of weight, my body had adjusted and these changes were no longer enough *mutters*. So over the last month especially, I've tripled the amount of veggies in my diet (spinach goes in EVERYTHING!) and cut WAYYYY back on my sodium. I hadn't realized how much I was eating. I used to eat Subway 3-4 times a week thinking I was being healthy with my 400 calorie meal (no cheese, no mayo, no soda...go me!) And in comparison to other things...I was. And for a long time, it helped. But now I look at the sodium in those 400 calories and holy crap. I haven't been to Subway now in a few months. But it's not just Subway, I realized. "But Jill, this is stuff you should have already known! DUH!" You might be saying this...and maybe it's true. But I was always paying attention to the calories and the fat content and the sugar. Not the sodium! Who knew! Not me! It's like I finally found the thing that was holding me back. Sodium is now my nemesis!!!
So now when I put things into myfitnesspal.com, I still pay attention to my calories and my fat and my sugar...but my sodium intake has become much more important and just in the last 4 weeks alone, I have lost 12 pounds. TWELVE!!! That's a 3lb a week average and I haven't had that since I started all this! I don't want to jinx it, but I really hope I can keep it up. My biggest fear is that I'll bounce back up over 250 and have to re-lose it again. But this is where my main "theme" of this blog was supposed to be (before I started ranting). It's okay to celebrate....
BUT! I need to change HOW I celebrate and I need to change WHEN. I was talking with a couple girlfriends of mine from my weight loss group about this the other day and we realized that we all do it. For a long time, we were celebrating the smaller things (2 lbs here, 1 lb there)...which is great...but we were doing it with FOOD! We were yay'ing at our losses and splurging after our weigh'ins to pat ourselves on the back for sacrificing so much all week long, essentially sabotaging all our efforts in a single day. It's important to celebrate the small steps, of course, but it can make you forget your long term goals and it can certainly hold you back from them for far longer than necessary. Breaking 250 lbs was a long term goal that I had set. It's one that most definitely deserves celebration and I fully intend to do so. But I've learned my lesson. No more Tuesday splurge day where I come home from a killer workout and plop on the couch with a 1500 calorie meal. No more going out that night to whatever restaurant catches my eye and eating bottomless fries and a giant milkshake (I'm looking at you Red Robin!!!) No more ordering pizza with cheese in the crust and eating 3 pieces WITH chicken strips AND a bottle of mountain dew...just because I had a great week and lost 3 lbs. Nope!!!! All that gets me is my pounds back and then some...and a massive food hangover the next morning. So for my 250 lb celebration....I'm getting me a new pair of jeans!!! Nice jeans. Not cheap, Walmart jeans that I have to get because nothing else fits. Jeans that look GOOD and cost me more than $20!!!! Given, they'll only last me until I drop another pants size or two, but I'm okay with that. Because I DESERVE IT :) Now it's on to my next BIG goal. Breaking 200!!! 48.2 lbs to go!
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