That's probably way more days than anyone has left on this earth, but you get my point ;) Yesterday was a success in some ways and not in others....but the fact that I was down to 280.1 today makes me think it was more of a success than I thought!
I tracked my food and kept it under 1600 calories and only had 2 caramels as my nighttime treat after going all day without any sugar. I still had more carbs than I'd like, but I was finishing off some delicious cream cheese/pepper jelly dip and the wheat thins called to me. I couldn't NOT answer. It'd be rude ;)
But I also got in all my water and had our planned dinner (Asian chicken salad....homemade!) so honestly...I'd be lying if I said I didn't crush it. Today has been great too :)
This morning I took a deep breath and went to Dee's Zumba class at the gym even though I know I have to teach HIIT tonight. I got in 1 of my ME workouts. And it felt great. I can still feel how much more out of shape I am than I was a year ago and how much harder it is to move like I used to...but I know I'll get there.
My eating has been fantastic today so far and it feels great to say that. Lots of protein and WAY less carbs...even when you include the single serving of chocolate almonds I had. Still got plenty of calories to eat and more to burn in tonight's class...which is exhausting just to write up!
I know this type of motivation won't last me forever, but I going to ride it while it does. Thank you for letting me use you all as a sounding board in the process. It really helps :)
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Monday, January 2, 2017
New year, bigger me...
Looking back over my habits in 2016, it really doesn't surprise me that I put on 30 lbs-ish. After not weighing for the past 2 weeks out of fear, I finally mustered up the courage and stepped on the scale. I saw a number that absolutely horrified me.
285.1
Yes, you read that right. 285 point freaking 1. Given, several lbs of that are from our New Years indulgences, but at the very best I'd say I'm at 280. And that's still completely unacceptable to me. Now a lot of you will say, "But Jill, you're still 50lbs below your heaviest and that's great!" Sure...I haven't gotten back to this...
Very first before pic - 2010
But it's extremely far from where I got in 2014...which is this...
April 2014 - 207lbs
Right now...I'm here...
January 2, 2017
...and I'm not okay with it. So as I was saying...looking over my habits of 2016, I really can't say I'm surprised to be...here. For starters, I haven't written in this blog since March of 2016. I only tracked my food on myfitnesspal.com for MAYBE half the year (and that's just a guess), and I went from exercising at least 8-10 hrs a week to 3-4 if I'm lucky...and that's only because I get paid to teach others. I have probably only spent 5 hours total in the past 2-3 months actually exercising for myself.
I'm honestly embarassed for myself. I run a weight loss group and I'm a group fitness instructor. I am NOT setting a good example for those I'm supposed to be helping and I'm ashamed of that fact. And while I am far from a couch potato, I have slipped back into a lot of the old struggles I used to have.
Teaching my classes has gotten harder. An hour of Zumba is 10 times harder than it was a year ago. Trying to show my classes proper form for certain exercises shows how out of shape I've become and makes it hard for me to push others to their own limits when MY limits are so much more quickly reached than theirs are.
My clothes don't fit. Before Cooper was born in 2014, I had gotten down to a size 16. I'm back to a 22 and because I REFUSE to spend money on bigger clothes, I've been squeezing into 20's that I had to pull out when I got pregnant. It's miserable. I went from wearing more form fitting tops, back to the baggy flowy stuff that hides my stomach, booty and thighs.
I get winded faster, I have a harder time fitting into chairs again, I eat a lot more at every meal, dessert is a daily (if not multiple times daily) thing....and the list goes on and on and on. I have truly let things get out of control.
And I think I'm finally done.
Last night I sat down with my family and we had a long, long talk. I told them I need their help if I'm ever going to get back to where I used to be...and beyond. I cannot do this alone. It wasn't so bad before baby #4, but for some reason...it's so much harder now. And my ability to tell myself no when 5 other people are enjoying pizza, cake, soda and every comfort food under the sun...is non-existant. So I enlisted the help of those I love the most.
We talked about how unhealthy we've become as a family...and I didn't mention weight. Simply the way we eat. We've gotten lazy. We ate out more in 2016 than probably any other year. Fruits and vegetables have become a scarce thing around here. And meal planning? What's that!? Anyone who knows me, knows I hate cooking. I want so badly to love it....but I just don't. I loathe it more than anything. I'd honestly rather do burpees for an hour than cook...that's how much I hate it. But most of that is just being lazy.
LAZY. That really is the one word that best describes 2016 for me. And I refuse to let 2017 be the same way.
So last night, we hashed out a plan. Every Sunday night we will sit down and plan our meals for the week. They don't have to always be super duper rabbit food healthy, but they do have to be cooked at home. Except once a week. Once a week we can order out or do whatever we want to do. I am not one for extremes or cutting things out completely that I don't think I could do without for the rest of my life. Part of the problem with cooking at home is that 3 nights a week, I'm not even home for dinner. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I teach...and on Wednesdays, I play volleyball. So Nathan agreed to take over cooking on those 3 days and I am so very blessed to have someone who is willing to do that. The kids have even agreed to help!
We will no longer be keeping junk in the house. The candy that is still left from Christmas is in the time-lock safe to be opened once a night for everyone to have ONE PIECE before it's relocked again. And once it's gone, we're not buying anymore. No soda in the house, no candy in the house, no cakes and cookies and giant Costco danishes or muffins sitting on the counter to tempt me. At least not for a while. Dessert will be a once a week thing and it will not be something that will have leftovers for days. If it's not available to me...I can't eat it. Right?
I realize that because I have slipped back so far, I need to re-start small. Take baby steps. I'm not going to cut out complete food groups or go carb-less or eat 1200 calories a day. But I AM going to go back to what I did when it worked the first time.
Starting today, I'm going back to what works.
In 2017, I will...
1) Track my food DAILY on myfitnesspal. No excuses.
2) I will aim to keep my calorie intake below 1400 on days I don't exercise and 1600 on the days I do.
3) I will exercise FOR MYSELF at least 2 times a week. This is on top of the hours I spend teaching.
4) I will weigh in weekly with my Jilly's Losers group. No excuses.
5) I will write in my blog at least once a week, though I'd like to do it daily. However, I know that's an unrealistic goal. So...once a week.
6) I will drink 100oz of water a day
7) I will talk to others when I'm struggling instead of trying to put on a brave face and act like everything is fine.
8) I will be proud of how far I've come and not beat myself up when I do falter...because I will.
9) I will lose 5 lbs this week. (Totally doable because of water weight right now)
10) I will get back to 207lbs by 2018.
That last one is kind of a huge goal and I realize that. But it's also completely doable if I am doing what I know I'm capable of. And if I don't make it...that's fine. But I need to put it out there. I don't want to just "get there eventually". I want to get there while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.
So here's to a new year...even if I'm a bigger me to start it off. It's a much needed fresh start and I can't wait to feel better about my life...both physically and emotionally. Let's do this :)
285.1
Yes, you read that right. 285 point freaking 1. Given, several lbs of that are from our New Years indulgences, but at the very best I'd say I'm at 280. And that's still completely unacceptable to me. Now a lot of you will say, "But Jill, you're still 50lbs below your heaviest and that's great!" Sure...I haven't gotten back to this...
But it's extremely far from where I got in 2014...which is this...
Right now...I'm here...
...and I'm not okay with it. So as I was saying...looking over my habits of 2016, I really can't say I'm surprised to be...here. For starters, I haven't written in this blog since March of 2016. I only tracked my food on myfitnesspal.com for MAYBE half the year (and that's just a guess), and I went from exercising at least 8-10 hrs a week to 3-4 if I'm lucky...and that's only because I get paid to teach others. I have probably only spent 5 hours total in the past 2-3 months actually exercising for myself.
I'm honestly embarassed for myself. I run a weight loss group and I'm a group fitness instructor. I am NOT setting a good example for those I'm supposed to be helping and I'm ashamed of that fact. And while I am far from a couch potato, I have slipped back into a lot of the old struggles I used to have.
Teaching my classes has gotten harder. An hour of Zumba is 10 times harder than it was a year ago. Trying to show my classes proper form for certain exercises shows how out of shape I've become and makes it hard for me to push others to their own limits when MY limits are so much more quickly reached than theirs are.
My clothes don't fit. Before Cooper was born in 2014, I had gotten down to a size 16. I'm back to a 22 and because I REFUSE to spend money on bigger clothes, I've been squeezing into 20's that I had to pull out when I got pregnant. It's miserable. I went from wearing more form fitting tops, back to the baggy flowy stuff that hides my stomach, booty and thighs.
I get winded faster, I have a harder time fitting into chairs again, I eat a lot more at every meal, dessert is a daily (if not multiple times daily) thing....and the list goes on and on and on. I have truly let things get out of control.
And I think I'm finally done.
Last night I sat down with my family and we had a long, long talk. I told them I need their help if I'm ever going to get back to where I used to be...and beyond. I cannot do this alone. It wasn't so bad before baby #4, but for some reason...it's so much harder now. And my ability to tell myself no when 5 other people are enjoying pizza, cake, soda and every comfort food under the sun...is non-existant. So I enlisted the help of those I love the most.
We talked about how unhealthy we've become as a family...and I didn't mention weight. Simply the way we eat. We've gotten lazy. We ate out more in 2016 than probably any other year. Fruits and vegetables have become a scarce thing around here. And meal planning? What's that!? Anyone who knows me, knows I hate cooking. I want so badly to love it....but I just don't. I loathe it more than anything. I'd honestly rather do burpees for an hour than cook...that's how much I hate it. But most of that is just being lazy.
LAZY. That really is the one word that best describes 2016 for me. And I refuse to let 2017 be the same way.
So last night, we hashed out a plan. Every Sunday night we will sit down and plan our meals for the week. They don't have to always be super duper rabbit food healthy, but they do have to be cooked at home. Except once a week. Once a week we can order out or do whatever we want to do. I am not one for extremes or cutting things out completely that I don't think I could do without for the rest of my life. Part of the problem with cooking at home is that 3 nights a week, I'm not even home for dinner. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I teach...and on Wednesdays, I play volleyball. So Nathan agreed to take over cooking on those 3 days and I am so very blessed to have someone who is willing to do that. The kids have even agreed to help!
We will no longer be keeping junk in the house. The candy that is still left from Christmas is in the time-lock safe to be opened once a night for everyone to have ONE PIECE before it's relocked again. And once it's gone, we're not buying anymore. No soda in the house, no candy in the house, no cakes and cookies and giant Costco danishes or muffins sitting on the counter to tempt me. At least not for a while. Dessert will be a once a week thing and it will not be something that will have leftovers for days. If it's not available to me...I can't eat it. Right?
I realize that because I have slipped back so far, I need to re-start small. Take baby steps. I'm not going to cut out complete food groups or go carb-less or eat 1200 calories a day. But I AM going to go back to what I did when it worked the first time.
Starting today, I'm going back to what works.
In 2017, I will...
1) Track my food DAILY on myfitnesspal. No excuses.
2) I will aim to keep my calorie intake below 1400 on days I don't exercise and 1600 on the days I do.
3) I will exercise FOR MYSELF at least 2 times a week. This is on top of the hours I spend teaching.
4) I will weigh in weekly with my Jilly's Losers group. No excuses.
5) I will write in my blog at least once a week, though I'd like to do it daily. However, I know that's an unrealistic goal. So...once a week.
6) I will drink 100oz of water a day
7) I will talk to others when I'm struggling instead of trying to put on a brave face and act like everything is fine.
8) I will be proud of how far I've come and not beat myself up when I do falter...because I will.
9) I will lose 5 lbs this week. (Totally doable because of water weight right now)
10) I will get back to 207lbs by 2018.
That last one is kind of a huge goal and I realize that. But it's also completely doable if I am doing what I know I'm capable of. And if I don't make it...that's fine. But I need to put it out there. I don't want to just "get there eventually". I want to get there while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.
So here's to a new year...even if I'm a bigger me to start it off. It's a much needed fresh start and I can't wait to feel better about my life...both physically and emotionally. Let's do this :)
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Fear
Fear is one of the biggest four letter words there is. There are an infinite number of things we can be afraid of, or even terrified of. And one of the biggest mountains that we must climb in life is facing those fears.
I'm not afraid of the dark, or spiders (unless they're big, obviously!)...but I have fears like everyone else. Despite being an excellent swimmer, I'm deathly afraid of sharks, jelly fish and anything else in the ocean that might hurt me. I get anxiety when it comes to talking to people I don't know (though I've gotten MUCH better about that since having kids). My sisters could tell you many stories about me sending THEM into the store to buy milk or making them call to order pizza because the thought of talking to someone made me sick to my stomach. I'm sure my husband can tell you stories too, but moving on!! EVERYONE is afraid of something. I'm sure if you ask yourself what your fears are, you'll be able to come up with a list bigger than you expected.
But my current fear is one I've never had before.
About 5 weeks ago, I was playing in a league volleyball game. My absolute favorite thing to do. I have loved volleyball since Junior High...played 4 years of varsity v-ball in high school, tried to walk-on to BYU's team in college (did intramurals when that failed!) and have played on a league team for the past couple of years. I love it so much I actually dream about it. Usually I'm missing a serve in those dreams, but anyway. The point is...I LOVE this sport. And before this particular game, I hadn't taken the proper time to stretch. My calf felt tight when we hit the court for the first game, but I ignored it and figured it'd loosen up as I played. I was wrong. Less than 10 minutes later I was lunging for a ball and felt a SNAP!! I knew instantly that this was a serious injury and I crumpled to the floor in pain. I pulled myself off the court with my arms and everyone rushed over to see what happened. I tried to be the tough girl and let my team continue to play and avoid a forfeit, but before long I had to admit this was worse than just a sprain and had my good friend, Janie, drive me to the ER.
I had played volleyball almost my whole life and never once had a real injury. And now I was being told I had torn a calf muscle. I was, of course, grateful that my Achilles tendon was still in tact, but a torn muscle is no joke. He put me in a walking boot, gave me a set of crutches and told me it'd be 4-6 weeks before I healed fully. I felt my heart sink.
Just two days before this injury, I had taught my very first solo Zumba class at the gym I had been attending for the last 4 years. This was my dream job...to be able to teach the people I had exercised next to and become such close friends with. And now I was being told I couldn't teach, let alone walk for the next month+. I was terrified that I would lose my brand new job, not to mention the ones I already had teaching elsewhere. Luckily I am blessed with amazing bosses who told me to take care of myself and my job(s) would be there for me when I got back. While that was a huge relief, it didn't prevent or prepare me for the fear that I would feel when that time came.
I was afraid...no...terrified...to try.
As those first few weeks passed after my injury, I kept feeling like "hey, I am feeling better, I don't need this walking boot! I can go back to life as it was. And then my body would prove me wrong. I wasn't afraid at first. But after two or three times of feeling that pain shooting up the back of my leg, reminding me that "HEY DUMMY! You're not supposed to be doing that!", I was sure that I'd never experience my "normal" again. THAT was when fear became a problem.
I was afraid to walk. I was afraid to carry my baby. I was afraid to go down the stairs or even step off a curb. I was afraid that 36 was my turning point and I was officially TOO OLD to live my life the way I wanted. Of course deep down I knew this was a buncha bullcrap, but I couldn't help but think it every day. I couldn't stop worrying that I'd never get to take another Zumba class, let alone teach one. I was sure I would never get to step on a volleyball court again as anything other than a cheerleader for my amazing team.
And all of those little fears added up to one really big one. I was terrified that this injury meant...I was going to get severely obese again. And THAT is the scariest thing of all. Sure, I'm still trying to work off the weight I gained during my pregnancy in 2014, but that was different. I was carrying a child. I wasn't "disabled" in any way. I could still exercise...and did. And even being back in the 260's (UGH), I was/am still extremely strong under all the excess weight. But I knew that if I couldn't workout anymore...chances were pretty high that it would be the undoing of everything I had spent the last 4 years working for.
I don't want to go back there. I don't want to get winded going up the stairs. I don't want to be unable to bend over to tie my shoes. I don't want to be unable to see my feet. I don't want to be too big to fit in a seat at the movie theater or in a stadium. I don't want to hide in my home 24/7 avoiding life because I'm afraid of what people will think. I'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!
And I refuse to go back. So I sucked it up and got to work. I went to a chiropractor who worked some serious magic on my muscles and I took it easy. I forced myself to ignore "how good I felt" and instead do what my doctors were telling me. I let myself heal. And step by step I began to walk again...without that stupid boot on. Walking became going down the stairs without having to stop on each stair with both feet. Stairs became long walks with my husband and baby and bending down/squatting to pick things up. Baby steps. Until I finally went to take a Zumba class. And when that hour was over...and I was still standing and not feeling any discomfort, I knew I was ready to teach. And that...was everything.
I still listen to my body every time I move. I am careful not to step too big or put too much strain on my calf, but I exercise it and force it to pull it's weight. And it won't be long before I'm up in the air again slamming that volleyball back down to the floor while completely forgetting what happened back in January.
I'm sure most of this post has just sounded like one big rambling mess, but I felt it wasn't important for me to get it out there. The fear isn't completely gone, but I'm no longer letting it rule my life. I know there are people who have suffered far worse than a torn calf muscle and who aren't as lucky as I've been to get back to the life I want to live. I'm grateful that I'm able to. Fear won't hold me back anymore.
I'm not afraid of the dark, or spiders (unless they're big, obviously!)...but I have fears like everyone else. Despite being an excellent swimmer, I'm deathly afraid of sharks, jelly fish and anything else in the ocean that might hurt me. I get anxiety when it comes to talking to people I don't know (though I've gotten MUCH better about that since having kids). My sisters could tell you many stories about me sending THEM into the store to buy milk or making them call to order pizza because the thought of talking to someone made me sick to my stomach. I'm sure my husband can tell you stories too, but moving on!! EVERYONE is afraid of something. I'm sure if you ask yourself what your fears are, you'll be able to come up with a list bigger than you expected.
But my current fear is one I've never had before.
About 5 weeks ago, I was playing in a league volleyball game. My absolute favorite thing to do. I have loved volleyball since Junior High...played 4 years of varsity v-ball in high school, tried to walk-on to BYU's team in college (did intramurals when that failed!) and have played on a league team for the past couple of years. I love it so much I actually dream about it. Usually I'm missing a serve in those dreams, but anyway. The point is...I LOVE this sport. And before this particular game, I hadn't taken the proper time to stretch. My calf felt tight when we hit the court for the first game, but I ignored it and figured it'd loosen up as I played. I was wrong. Less than 10 minutes later I was lunging for a ball and felt a SNAP!! I knew instantly that this was a serious injury and I crumpled to the floor in pain. I pulled myself off the court with my arms and everyone rushed over to see what happened. I tried to be the tough girl and let my team continue to play and avoid a forfeit, but before long I had to admit this was worse than just a sprain and had my good friend, Janie, drive me to the ER.
I had played volleyball almost my whole life and never once had a real injury. And now I was being told I had torn a calf muscle. I was, of course, grateful that my Achilles tendon was still in tact, but a torn muscle is no joke. He put me in a walking boot, gave me a set of crutches and told me it'd be 4-6 weeks before I healed fully. I felt my heart sink.
Just two days before this injury, I had taught my very first solo Zumba class at the gym I had been attending for the last 4 years. This was my dream job...to be able to teach the people I had exercised next to and become such close friends with. And now I was being told I couldn't teach, let alone walk for the next month+. I was terrified that I would lose my brand new job, not to mention the ones I already had teaching elsewhere. Luckily I am blessed with amazing bosses who told me to take care of myself and my job(s) would be there for me when I got back. While that was a huge relief, it didn't prevent or prepare me for the fear that I would feel when that time came.
I was afraid...no...terrified...to try.
As those first few weeks passed after my injury, I kept feeling like "hey, I am feeling better, I don't need this walking boot! I can go back to life as it was. And then my body would prove me wrong. I wasn't afraid at first. But after two or three times of feeling that pain shooting up the back of my leg, reminding me that "HEY DUMMY! You're not supposed to be doing that!", I was sure that I'd never experience my "normal" again. THAT was when fear became a problem.
I was afraid to walk. I was afraid to carry my baby. I was afraid to go down the stairs or even step off a curb. I was afraid that 36 was my turning point and I was officially TOO OLD to live my life the way I wanted. Of course deep down I knew this was a buncha bullcrap, but I couldn't help but think it every day. I couldn't stop worrying that I'd never get to take another Zumba class, let alone teach one. I was sure I would never get to step on a volleyball court again as anything other than a cheerleader for my amazing team.
And all of those little fears added up to one really big one. I was terrified that this injury meant...I was going to get severely obese again. And THAT is the scariest thing of all. Sure, I'm still trying to work off the weight I gained during my pregnancy in 2014, but that was different. I was carrying a child. I wasn't "disabled" in any way. I could still exercise...and did. And even being back in the 260's (UGH), I was/am still extremely strong under all the excess weight. But I knew that if I couldn't workout anymore...chances were pretty high that it would be the undoing of everything I had spent the last 4 years working for.
I don't want to go back there. I don't want to get winded going up the stairs. I don't want to be unable to bend over to tie my shoes. I don't want to be unable to see my feet. I don't want to be too big to fit in a seat at the movie theater or in a stadium. I don't want to hide in my home 24/7 avoiding life because I'm afraid of what people will think. I'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!
And I refuse to go back. So I sucked it up and got to work. I went to a chiropractor who worked some serious magic on my muscles and I took it easy. I forced myself to ignore "how good I felt" and instead do what my doctors were telling me. I let myself heal. And step by step I began to walk again...without that stupid boot on. Walking became going down the stairs without having to stop on each stair with both feet. Stairs became long walks with my husband and baby and bending down/squatting to pick things up. Baby steps. Until I finally went to take a Zumba class. And when that hour was over...and I was still standing and not feeling any discomfort, I knew I was ready to teach. And that...was everything.
I still listen to my body every time I move. I am careful not to step too big or put too much strain on my calf, but I exercise it and force it to pull it's weight. And it won't be long before I'm up in the air again slamming that volleyball back down to the floor while completely forgetting what happened back in January.
I'm sure most of this post has just sounded like one big rambling mess, but I felt it wasn't important for me to get it out there. The fear isn't completely gone, but I'm no longer letting it rule my life. I know there are people who have suffered far worse than a torn calf muscle and who aren't as lucky as I've been to get back to the life I want to live. I'm grateful that I'm able to. Fear won't hold me back anymore.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Dream job? Yes please!!
Today I got the most unexpected and most amazing news. I am going to be teaching a Zumba class at MY GYM! (The gym I've been taking classes at for 4 years). WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
My mentor, Zumba instructor/personal trainer and good friend, Dee, announced to us recently that she has to cut back on the # of classes she is teaching. This includes her Monday 11:30am Zumba Gold class that I've attended for 2 years now. She was told they would fill in the time slot with something else and I was sad to hear this news.
Then today on my way to her last Monday morning class, she called me. She told me to go to the front desk at the gym when I got there because Melissa (the lady in charge of everything fitness related at the gym) wanted to talk to me about taking over her class. I literally squealed in her ear, poor thing haha. Dee had gone to Melissa and asked what she should tell her class today about the time slot for the future. Melissa was still struggling with what to fill it with. And Dee...being the amazing friend she is...suggested me. She told her that I've been teaching elsewhere and that I've been taking HER class for a long time and the ladies in there know me and like me. I couldn't believe it. Ever since I became a Zumba instructor, my ultimate wish has been to be able to teach at the gym where I fell in love with Zumba fitness. I am so extremely excited that I am finally going to get to do that. Even if it's just once a week!
I'll admit I'm a little nervous about teaching a full hour considering teaching takes so much more energy than just being a participant...but I know I'll adjust. I can't wait to be teaching in a big room (WITH MIRRORS!) and have the music blasting and a room full of people the way Zumba should be :) I love love love Zumba fitness and I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity. I'll still be teaching at Curves as I love it far too much not to, but this will be a great addition to my schedule. Time to work on some new choreo I guess! I start next week! I would absolutely love it if my local friends came :) I promise it will be a blast and I could use the moral support! Hopefully this is just the beginning. I have lots more I want to do in the future :)
My mentor, Zumba instructor/personal trainer and good friend, Dee, announced to us recently that she has to cut back on the # of classes she is teaching. This includes her Monday 11:30am Zumba Gold class that I've attended for 2 years now. She was told they would fill in the time slot with something else and I was sad to hear this news.
Then today on my way to her last Monday morning class, she called me. She told me to go to the front desk at the gym when I got there because Melissa (the lady in charge of everything fitness related at the gym) wanted to talk to me about taking over her class. I literally squealed in her ear, poor thing haha. Dee had gone to Melissa and asked what she should tell her class today about the time slot for the future. Melissa was still struggling with what to fill it with. And Dee...being the amazing friend she is...suggested me. She told her that I've been teaching elsewhere and that I've been taking HER class for a long time and the ladies in there know me and like me. I couldn't believe it. Ever since I became a Zumba instructor, my ultimate wish has been to be able to teach at the gym where I fell in love with Zumba fitness. I am so extremely excited that I am finally going to get to do that. Even if it's just once a week!
I'll admit I'm a little nervous about teaching a full hour considering teaching takes so much more energy than just being a participant...but I know I'll adjust. I can't wait to be teaching in a big room (WITH MIRRORS!) and have the music blasting and a room full of people the way Zumba should be :) I love love love Zumba fitness and I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity. I'll still be teaching at Curves as I love it far too much not to, but this will be a great addition to my schedule. Time to work on some new choreo I guess! I start next week! I would absolutely love it if my local friends came :) I promise it will be a blast and I could use the moral support! Hopefully this is just the beginning. I have lots more I want to do in the future :)
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Rebuilding the Wagon
I know that in the 5 years I've been writing this blog, I've written about "falling off the wagon" many times, but that's because this is a lifelong journey. This isn't a diet. This isn't a quick fix. This isn't a race with a finish line. This will last my entire life. And because I'm not perfect, I will occasionally fall off the wagon. Or in this case...fall off the wagon and then burn it down and scatter the ashes :)
It's funny how you can go for 6 weeks with motivation flying high, near perfect eating and lots of good, hard workouts...lose 15lbs and then with one decision come crashing down. 21 day fix got me back on track after several months of zero discipline and horrible eating choices. I rode that motivational pony for 6 good weeks. I lost inches, I lost lbs and I gained confidence. And then it happened.
For the past 6 weeks I'd been really good about allowing myself ONE treat a week. I would go OUT to buy my favorite brownie or fruit bar or whatever I was in the mood for and be done with it. But this week I decided to make one of my all time favorite desserts...at home. BAD IDEA. The problem with making it at home was that it was an entire pan...and it wasn't gone in a day.
I made my Grammy Burningham's chocolate mousse recipe which is essentially a delicious buttery almond crust with cream cheesey, sugary, puddingy, whip creamy goodness layered on top. Having two pieces on my treat day wasn't so bad. Seeing the pan in the fridge the next day completely undid me. The second I gave into day 2 of the craving, it was like someone had cut my brakes and I couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family each had one piece, but I ate the rest (over the course of 3 days). If that had been all I'd done, I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad...but letting myself give in to sugar on days I wasn't "supposed to", pretty much gave me permission to eat whatever else I wanted too. A late night Whopper, half a bag of chips (WITH dip!), tons of halloween candy, cookies, etc. The proverbial wagon went from being firmly beneath me to being a pile of soot under my butt. Needless to say, I was extremely angry with myself.
I threw a pity party...and ate more in the process...but I knew I couldn't just give up and let this continue. I really didn't want to completely undo what I'd worked so hard for the past 6 weeks. So I grabbed my tools and got to work rebuilding my wagon.
I made my kids hide their halloween candy. If I see it, it's going in the trash. Period. I restarted a new week of 21-day fix and reacquainted myself with my portion containers and food tracking sheets. I kicked my butt in my workouts and I made sure to get in ALL of my fruit and veggie servings every day. And most importantly...I went a whole day without sugar. It's crazy how it seems so easy when you're on a roll and then suddenly you think you're going to JUST DIE!!! if you can't have it RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!!!
I'm grateful that over the years I have learned the tools that I need to get myself back on the wagon when I fall off. It used to be that I'd just give up and go months without even bothering to try. But not this time. I'm determined to finish season 20 of Jilly's Losers this next week with a good loss, but more importantly...self-control. And hopefully, this time the wagon will make it a little further before I go flying off the back again :)
It's funny how you can go for 6 weeks with motivation flying high, near perfect eating and lots of good, hard workouts...lose 15lbs and then with one decision come crashing down. 21 day fix got me back on track after several months of zero discipline and horrible eating choices. I rode that motivational pony for 6 good weeks. I lost inches, I lost lbs and I gained confidence. And then it happened.
For the past 6 weeks I'd been really good about allowing myself ONE treat a week. I would go OUT to buy my favorite brownie or fruit bar or whatever I was in the mood for and be done with it. But this week I decided to make one of my all time favorite desserts...at home. BAD IDEA. The problem with making it at home was that it was an entire pan...and it wasn't gone in a day.
I made my Grammy Burningham's chocolate mousse recipe which is essentially a delicious buttery almond crust with cream cheesey, sugary, puddingy, whip creamy goodness layered on top. Having two pieces on my treat day wasn't so bad. Seeing the pan in the fridge the next day completely undid me. The second I gave into day 2 of the craving, it was like someone had cut my brakes and I couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family each had one piece, but I ate the rest (over the course of 3 days). If that had been all I'd done, I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad...but letting myself give in to sugar on days I wasn't "supposed to", pretty much gave me permission to eat whatever else I wanted too. A late night Whopper, half a bag of chips (WITH dip!), tons of halloween candy, cookies, etc. The proverbial wagon went from being firmly beneath me to being a pile of soot under my butt. Needless to say, I was extremely angry with myself.
I threw a pity party...and ate more in the process...but I knew I couldn't just give up and let this continue. I really didn't want to completely undo what I'd worked so hard for the past 6 weeks. So I grabbed my tools and got to work rebuilding my wagon.
I made my kids hide their halloween candy. If I see it, it's going in the trash. Period. I restarted a new week of 21-day fix and reacquainted myself with my portion containers and food tracking sheets. I kicked my butt in my workouts and I made sure to get in ALL of my fruit and veggie servings every day. And most importantly...I went a whole day without sugar. It's crazy how it seems so easy when you're on a roll and then suddenly you think you're going to JUST DIE!!! if you can't have it RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!!!
I'm grateful that over the years I have learned the tools that I need to get myself back on the wagon when I fall off. It used to be that I'd just give up and go months without even bothering to try. But not this time. I'm determined to finish season 20 of Jilly's Losers this next week with a good loss, but more importantly...self-control. And hopefully, this time the wagon will make it a little further before I go flying off the back again :)
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Long awaited milestones!!!!
Today was a really good freaking day. I'll make this short because it's late...but I couldn't go to bed without writing it down.
I've been doing really well with my eating and exercise for the past month. It's not the first time or anything, but losing weight is always a roller coaster of good, motivating phases and horrible, binge eating phases. I just try to ride the highs as long as I can and this one's going REALLY WELL!
I spent most of last week sick in bed so it felt good to start up round 2 of 21-day fix with a good total body cardio workout. It also felt pretty amazing to step on the scale today..and here's why:
For the first time since school started, I finally got myself to a Weight Watchers meeting...and reached my 5% goal! It took me a long time to get there, but I'm still excited about it! I was also excited about it because I broke 250 today!! When I was losing weight pre-Cooper, 250 was my worst plateau. I was stuck there for almost a year it seemed like. It took finally trying Zumba to break it and from there it was so much easier. This time around it wasn't quite a year, but it sure felt that way. It took some serious control in the kitchen and learning to deal with my hatred of cooking. Eating out tends to really block my weight loss, even when it's healthier options. So I've cut most of that out. But anyway...you get the picture.
It was a great day. 42 more 4th pregnancy lbs to go lol.
I've been doing really well with my eating and exercise for the past month. It's not the first time or anything, but losing weight is always a roller coaster of good, motivating phases and horrible, binge eating phases. I just try to ride the highs as long as I can and this one's going REALLY WELL!
I spent most of last week sick in bed so it felt good to start up round 2 of 21-day fix with a good total body cardio workout. It also felt pretty amazing to step on the scale today..and here's why:
For the first time since school started, I finally got myself to a Weight Watchers meeting...and reached my 5% goal! It took me a long time to get there, but I'm still excited about it! I was also excited about it because I broke 250 today!! When I was losing weight pre-Cooper, 250 was my worst plateau. I was stuck there for almost a year it seemed like. It took finally trying Zumba to break it and from there it was so much easier. This time around it wasn't quite a year, but it sure felt that way. It took some serious control in the kitchen and learning to deal with my hatred of cooking. Eating out tends to really block my weight loss, even when it's healthier options. So I've cut most of that out. But anyway...you get the picture.
It was a great day. 42 more 4th pregnancy lbs to go lol.
Monday, October 5, 2015
21 Day Fix Complete!
Yesterday was day 21 of my first attempt at the 21-day fix. I...LOVED...IT. It was challenging and it pushed me, but that's what I needed. I thought that the daily 30 minute workouts would be the easiest part for me, with the food plan causing me problems, but it was actually the other way around...at least in the beginning.
There are 7 workouts that you do in order each week with an optional 10 minute "Ab fix" to throw in wherever you want. The best part about these workouts is that they're tabata style which is essentially 1 minute of work, 15 seconds of rest. Each round would have 2 exercises. You would do the first exercise, rest, 2nd exercise rest....then repeat before moving onto the next round.
1) Total Body Cardio Fix - full body cardio with weights (with volleyball at night)
2) Upper Fix - Upper body strength training (always followed by an hour of zumba)
3) Lower Body Fix - Lower body strength training (preceded by teaching zumba and often followed by pilates with my trainer)
4) Pilates Fix (with volleyball at night)
5) Cardio Fix (I HATED THIS ONE! Burpees and mountain climbers suck)
6) Dirty 30 - full body cardio/strength intervals
7) Yoga fix to stretch and re-center...combined occasionally with 10 minute abs
I honestly loved all of these workouts except for the cardio fix on Fridays haha. I would get up in the morning and do them while the girls got ready for school and helped feed Cooper breakfast. He was usually more interested in watching me than in eating though. Some mornings it was hard to force myself to push play on that DVD but I never regretted it. I think the only time I skipped a workout was one Saturday morning when I'd already done a Burn It workout at the gym and just didn't have it in me. The first week I was sore and tired, but the second and third weeks I felt much stronger and found myself able to do more in each workout. It was great! I still had to modify some things, but one day I'll be doing pushups on my toes. One day.
As for the nutrition side of things, it took a little getting used to at first but then I fell in love. There are color coded containers that are perfect portion sizes. Obviously the fruit and veggie ones are the biggest with proteins, carbs and healthy fats getting smaller. Since I'm a bigger girl, I get to eat quite a few of each each day but find myself rarely eating all of them. 6 veggie, 4 fruit, 6 protein, 4 carb, 1 healthy fat and 1 salad dressing container. If it fit in the container, I could eat it. Although there were foods listed in the book, which I stuck to for the most part. I did allow myself one sugary treat/dessert each week so as to avoid feeling so deprived that I'd binge. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had control over my hunger. Controlling my portions of things made a huge difference as did adding veggies to every meal. I didn't feel hungry or frustrated and I got creative with my meals. I even bought Autumn Calabrese's Fixate cookbook to try some new things that would work with the container system.
Now that my 21 days are up, I got back on the scale and retook my measurements. DRUMROLL!
I was hoping for more inches, but honestly...for 21 days of hard work, I'm extremely proud of myself. I plan to take this week off from the daily 30 minute workouts while continuing with the nutrition plan. Then I'll start over with round 2 next Monday. I'm so glad I found this plan. Combining it with my Weight Watchers points (which I now use far less of!) has been a huge help as far as getting myself back on track post pregnancy. Cooper has also now weened himself from breastfeeding, so I'm hoping that will help things along a bit faster as well. I'm dying to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes!!
There are 7 workouts that you do in order each week with an optional 10 minute "Ab fix" to throw in wherever you want. The best part about these workouts is that they're tabata style which is essentially 1 minute of work, 15 seconds of rest. Each round would have 2 exercises. You would do the first exercise, rest, 2nd exercise rest....then repeat before moving onto the next round.
1) Total Body Cardio Fix - full body cardio with weights (with volleyball at night)
2) Upper Fix - Upper body strength training (always followed by an hour of zumba)
3) Lower Body Fix - Lower body strength training (preceded by teaching zumba and often followed by pilates with my trainer)
4) Pilates Fix (with volleyball at night)
6) Dirty 30 - full body cardio/strength intervals
7) Yoga fix to stretch and re-center...combined occasionally with 10 minute abs
I honestly loved all of these workouts except for the cardio fix on Fridays haha. I would get up in the morning and do them while the girls got ready for school and helped feed Cooper breakfast. He was usually more interested in watching me than in eating though. Some mornings it was hard to force myself to push play on that DVD but I never regretted it. I think the only time I skipped a workout was one Saturday morning when I'd already done a Burn It workout at the gym and just didn't have it in me. The first week I was sore and tired, but the second and third weeks I felt much stronger and found myself able to do more in each workout. It was great! I still had to modify some things, but one day I'll be doing pushups on my toes. One day.
As for the nutrition side of things, it took a little getting used to at first but then I fell in love. There are color coded containers that are perfect portion sizes. Obviously the fruit and veggie ones are the biggest with proteins, carbs and healthy fats getting smaller. Since I'm a bigger girl, I get to eat quite a few of each each day but find myself rarely eating all of them. 6 veggie, 4 fruit, 6 protein, 4 carb, 1 healthy fat and 1 salad dressing container. If it fit in the container, I could eat it. Although there were foods listed in the book, which I stuck to for the most part. I did allow myself one sugary treat/dessert each week so as to avoid feeling so deprived that I'd binge. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had control over my hunger. Controlling my portions of things made a huge difference as did adding veggies to every meal. I didn't feel hungry or frustrated and I got creative with my meals. I even bought Autumn Calabrese's Fixate cookbook to try some new things that would work with the container system.
Now that my 21 days are up, I got back on the scale and retook my measurements. DRUMROLL!
I was hoping for more inches, but honestly...for 21 days of hard work, I'm extremely proud of myself. I plan to take this week off from the daily 30 minute workouts while continuing with the nutrition plan. Then I'll start over with round 2 next Monday. I'm so glad I found this plan. Combining it with my Weight Watchers points (which I now use far less of!) has been a huge help as far as getting myself back on track post pregnancy. Cooper has also now weened himself from breastfeeding, so I'm hoping that will help things along a bit faster as well. I'm dying to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes!!
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