It's true what they say about stress affecting your weight. I had a great week as far as working out and eating went and was really hoping for a 3-4 on the scale today. However, yesterday my daughter was involved in an accident on her way to school in which her leg and her bike were run over by a car and we spent the majority of the day in the hospital. She's okay..her leg is broken..but she will be okay. However, as a result, my eating has gone to crap and I've had little sleep and my stress levels are OUT OF CONTROL.
Add onto that a change in Nathan's job and changes for our family and I'm just stressed to the max. So when I weighed this morning, I was only down .8 for the week. I know it's a loss, which is better than a gain...but it just reminds me that even when I'm working my ass off..there will be weeks when my hormones and emotions are going to have other ideas.
Today starts season 12 of The Biggest Loser and my own little version I'm hosting on FB. Jilly's Losers! My starting weight is 310.6 and I'm excited to see how well I can do with a bunch of friends doing it with me. The moral support helps more than I think anyone realizes.
Now if I could get myself back into the right frame of mind and get back to the gym....
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
A new outlook...
I guess I haven't written in a while huh? It's been so long, it would take a novel to really update everyone on every little thing, so I'll try for the short(er) version!
After my last round of hcg, I was down to 285 lbs. (yay me). However after a battle with a kidney stone that landed me in the hospital twice and had me laid up for nearly 3 weeks...and then 3 weeks with severe chronic bronchitis...I gained back most of it. I went back up to 317 lbs. To say the least I was pretty depressed and went through a period of just not giving a shit (pardon my french). I went back to eating whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it and decided this was just how my body was meant to look and always WILL look.
Then...something happened. I found out that Biggest Loser was having auditions in Salt Lake City and I knew I wanted to go. The thought of being away from my family for several months and having to work out for hours and hours and hours every day scared the crap out of me, but I wanted to do it. SO badly. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am terrified of crowds and of people in general, really. I hate stepping out of my comfort zone and letting people see me. So you can imagine how I felt about standing in line for hours with hundreds of random strangers and then meeting with producers of this show I'd come to love and try to convince them that I'm awesome and would be perfect for the show.
But I was determined to do it. And I shocked myself. From the moment we got into line, I began talking to the people in front of and behind me, making friends and watching myself evolve into this whole new person. I don't know if maybe it was just because these were people like me who were overweight and feeling as scared as I was..but whatever the reason, I came out of my shell. I even walked right up to a few of last seasons contestants who had stopped by to visit and had a conversation! It was a "Jill" I decided I'd really like to see more often.
I didn't get a call back to be on the show, but that day still ignited a whole new desire in me to really get serious about this...and not by going back on hcg. I want to do this the right way.
So I got me a gym membership and I bought me a BodyMedia Fit armband kind of like those the Biggest Loser contestants use to keep track of their caloric burn...and I got to work. I'm now down to 311.4 and still going. The weight loss is slower and it's hard work, but it's rewarding. I still indulge in my favorites from time to time, but I find myself consciously choosing things that are healthier because I know I can eat so much more! Just this morning, I took Emma to Einstein Bagels to stock up on their new "Bagel Thins" and Reduced Fat Shmear. 2 of those and a bottle of vitamin water and it was only about 350 calories. Subway has also become a huge addiction for me. 6 inch Subway Club on wheat with just lettuce, tomato and some fat free honey mustard and I'm in heaven. Toss in a bag of Baked Lays and you are full and only up about 480 calories. Haha I sound like an infomercial!!
So now we're up to the present. Season 12 of the Biggest Loser starts next week on Sept. 20th and I want to do my own at home kind of version since I won't be on the show. I'm inviting all of my friends and family (on facebook) to do it with me. Everyone who wants to do it will put $20 into the pot and starting weights will be posted in a private group I've created. Then every week when the show airs, everyone will take a snapshot of their scale showing their new weight and at whoever has lost the highest percentage of weight come finale time wins the whole pot!! It should be fun. But most importantly, I think it will help a lot of people that I care about (as well as myself) lose some serious weight.
So that's about it for now :) Wish me luck! Again!
After my last round of hcg, I was down to 285 lbs. (yay me). However after a battle with a kidney stone that landed me in the hospital twice and had me laid up for nearly 3 weeks...and then 3 weeks with severe chronic bronchitis...I gained back most of it. I went back up to 317 lbs. To say the least I was pretty depressed and went through a period of just not giving a shit (pardon my french). I went back to eating whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it and decided this was just how my body was meant to look and always WILL look.
Then...something happened. I found out that Biggest Loser was having auditions in Salt Lake City and I knew I wanted to go. The thought of being away from my family for several months and having to work out for hours and hours and hours every day scared the crap out of me, but I wanted to do it. SO badly. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am terrified of crowds and of people in general, really. I hate stepping out of my comfort zone and letting people see me. So you can imagine how I felt about standing in line for hours with hundreds of random strangers and then meeting with producers of this show I'd come to love and try to convince them that I'm awesome and would be perfect for the show.
But I was determined to do it. And I shocked myself. From the moment we got into line, I began talking to the people in front of and behind me, making friends and watching myself evolve into this whole new person. I don't know if maybe it was just because these were people like me who were overweight and feeling as scared as I was..but whatever the reason, I came out of my shell. I even walked right up to a few of last seasons contestants who had stopped by to visit and had a conversation! It was a "Jill" I decided I'd really like to see more often.
I didn't get a call back to be on the show, but that day still ignited a whole new desire in me to really get serious about this...and not by going back on hcg. I want to do this the right way.
So I got me a gym membership and I bought me a BodyMedia Fit armband kind of like those the Biggest Loser contestants use to keep track of their caloric burn...and I got to work. I'm now down to 311.4 and still going. The weight loss is slower and it's hard work, but it's rewarding. I still indulge in my favorites from time to time, but I find myself consciously choosing things that are healthier because I know I can eat so much more! Just this morning, I took Emma to Einstein Bagels to stock up on their new "Bagel Thins" and Reduced Fat Shmear. 2 of those and a bottle of vitamin water and it was only about 350 calories. Subway has also become a huge addiction for me. 6 inch Subway Club on wheat with just lettuce, tomato and some fat free honey mustard and I'm in heaven. Toss in a bag of Baked Lays and you are full and only up about 480 calories. Haha I sound like an infomercial!!
So now we're up to the present. Season 12 of the Biggest Loser starts next week on Sept. 20th and I want to do my own at home kind of version since I won't be on the show. I'm inviting all of my friends and family (on facebook) to do it with me. Everyone who wants to do it will put $20 into the pot and starting weights will be posted in a private group I've created. Then every week when the show airs, everyone will take a snapshot of their scale showing their new weight and at whoever has lost the highest percentage of weight come finale time wins the whole pot!! It should be fun. But most importantly, I think it will help a lot of people that I care about (as well as myself) lose some serious weight.
So that's about it for now :) Wish me luck! Again!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Stupid computer...
I wrote a pretty good sized blog last night then it froze/crashed when I tried to post it. So...I'm not re-writing it haha. Too tired and cranky! Maybe later. I did workout yesterday though and eat pretty healthy, so yay me. Next!
Friday, May 27, 2011
3 down a million to go
Today's one of those days where I'm seeing way too much of the big picture when it comes to weight loss. I see how far I still have to go and not how far I've come. I managed 30 minutes on my elliptical today (I was sore as hell...best I could do) but I still feel all depressed about it because I know I have to do it a million more times if I want even a chance at getting to my goal weight.
Its nice that my wedding ring is loose, but I want it to fall off. It's nice that my pants have some extra room, but I want it to annoy me to the point I have to buy a belt or new pants. I feel stuck and I hate it. I'm trying so hard to just keep focusing on that one thing...exercise...every single day. SOMETHING. Anything that constitutes getting my heart rate up and burning calories. So...3 days down..way too many more to go. But man am I wishing I'd just gotten the same genes my sisters all did right now.
Its nice that my wedding ring is loose, but I want it to fall off. It's nice that my pants have some extra room, but I want it to annoy me to the point I have to buy a belt or new pants. I feel stuck and I hate it. I'm trying so hard to just keep focusing on that one thing...exercise...every single day. SOMETHING. Anything that constitutes getting my heart rate up and burning calories. So...3 days down..way too many more to go. But man am I wishing I'd just gotten the same genes my sisters all did right now.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
How to motivate a 4 year old...
I got a bit of a late start this morning, so I didn't get on my elliptical like I wanted to before things got a bit busy. BUT! I didn't let that be an excuse today! Once I had the time, I decided it was nice enough for a walk (albeit with a jacket on). Only problem...4 year old. It's about .9 miles to the local Maverik gas station, which isn't a huge distance but it's still good exercise. So what did I do? Told her if she'd walk the whole way with me, I'd let her pick out a treat at the gas station.
She kept pointing out as we walked, just how far away we were getting from our house and saying things like "I'm not allowed to go this far by myself". Nope, you're not! But she sang some made up songs and kept me company and we had a good mommy/daughter walk. Tomorrow though, it's back on the elliptical. More calories burned and easier to get my heartrate up that way!
But as long as I'm not making excuses to avoid getting SOME form of exercise in, I'm doin just fine :)
She kept pointing out as we walked, just how far away we were getting from our house and saying things like "I'm not allowed to go this far by myself". Nope, you're not! But she sang some made up songs and kept me company and we had a good mommy/daughter walk. Tomorrow though, it's back on the elliptical. More calories burned and easier to get my heartrate up that way!
But as long as I'm not making excuses to avoid getting SOME form of exercise in, I'm doin just fine :)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
No more excuses...
A pattern that I've come to notice in my life and in my weight loss...is that I am a great starter but a really crappy finisher. If I've blogged about this before, I apologize, but all I can think about lately are excuses. From the time I started my first "diet" back at age 15 with "Weight Watchers" to this latest attempt with HCG...I have always found an excuse to quit.
In college I lost 25 lbs with Jenny Craig only to find out I was pregnant. The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy sent me into a severe depression and the stress was unbelievable. I gained more than 80 lbs during that pregnancy and that was my excuse. I've joined Golds Gym and Curves only to quit due to finances or lack of motivation. I even did the Richard Simmons diet with my mom once and that just made me laugh.
I gave up on one diet attempt after falling down my stairs and busting my tailbone, which for a while was a legitimate reason. But after a few months it was just another excuse.
I've done Atkins, I've hired a personal trainer, I've even just recently gotten my hands on a copy of P90X (which I'm too scared to start using just yet). I've literally done it all. Or close to it. And when I put it on paper (virtually), it sends me to tears to see how much of a quitter I've been my whole life. The question though, is why?
What am I afraid of? Why when I start to do well, do I find some way to sabotage it or talk myself out of it. Hell, I had my kidney stone surgery almost 2 months ago now and today was the first time I've stepped onto my elliptical machine since then. I AM SO SICK OF THE EXCUSES!!!!!! I guess I'm just terrified. Of what, I'm still working that part out. Maybe I'm just scared of being out of my comfort zone. Maybe I'm scared of getting attention. I've always been quiet and anti-social. I'm perfectly happy to stay at home, hiding from the world and sparing them having to look at the big fat girl. Maybe I'm scared that losing all my weight means I'll have to get a life.
In 2 more years, all of my kids will be in school full time. I've been a stay at home mom for 11 years. What am I going to do when there's no one left at home to take care of all day? I'm horrified that no one will hire me because of my size. I was 17th in my class in high school and have 2 years of college under my belt. I'm a smart girl...but will that matter when they see me in person? Maybe I'll go back to school. And then I can sit next to 19 and 20 year old perky college girls and feel even worse about myself. Maybe I'm just scared that losing the weight means I'll actually have to DO those things. That I'll have to get a life outside of being a mother and a wife. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those things. There is nothing more important. But I've been so focused on that for the last 11 years...because mostly I think I'm just afraid to focus on me. I don't like....ME.
So today, I did what I do best. I started over. I took my ipad, logged into Hulu and went back to Season 1 of Biggest Loser. I hit play and got on my elliptical machine and I just went. Everytime there was a commercial, I went as fast as I could go and refused to stop until the credits rolled. That show inspires me. After watching season 11, going back to season 1 was a bit disappointing...but the idea behind it is what drives me lately. So that's what I'm going to do this time. Every day. Next episode...exercise until its over. 60 mins, 700 calories...protein shake...and I feel FANTASTIC.
Here's hoping that tomorrow...no excuse can talk me out of doing it all over again.
In college I lost 25 lbs with Jenny Craig only to find out I was pregnant. The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy sent me into a severe depression and the stress was unbelievable. I gained more than 80 lbs during that pregnancy and that was my excuse. I've joined Golds Gym and Curves only to quit due to finances or lack of motivation. I even did the Richard Simmons diet with my mom once and that just made me laugh.
I gave up on one diet attempt after falling down my stairs and busting my tailbone, which for a while was a legitimate reason. But after a few months it was just another excuse.
I've done Atkins, I've hired a personal trainer, I've even just recently gotten my hands on a copy of P90X (which I'm too scared to start using just yet). I've literally done it all. Or close to it. And when I put it on paper (virtually), it sends me to tears to see how much of a quitter I've been my whole life. The question though, is why?
What am I afraid of? Why when I start to do well, do I find some way to sabotage it or talk myself out of it. Hell, I had my kidney stone surgery almost 2 months ago now and today was the first time I've stepped onto my elliptical machine since then. I AM SO SICK OF THE EXCUSES!!!!!! I guess I'm just terrified. Of what, I'm still working that part out. Maybe I'm just scared of being out of my comfort zone. Maybe I'm scared of getting attention. I've always been quiet and anti-social. I'm perfectly happy to stay at home, hiding from the world and sparing them having to look at the big fat girl. Maybe I'm scared that losing all my weight means I'll have to get a life.
In 2 more years, all of my kids will be in school full time. I've been a stay at home mom for 11 years. What am I going to do when there's no one left at home to take care of all day? I'm horrified that no one will hire me because of my size. I was 17th in my class in high school and have 2 years of college under my belt. I'm a smart girl...but will that matter when they see me in person? Maybe I'll go back to school. And then I can sit next to 19 and 20 year old perky college girls and feel even worse about myself. Maybe I'm just scared that losing the weight means I'll actually have to DO those things. That I'll have to get a life outside of being a mother and a wife. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those things. There is nothing more important. But I've been so focused on that for the last 11 years...because mostly I think I'm just afraid to focus on me. I don't like....ME.
So today, I did what I do best. I started over. I took my ipad, logged into Hulu and went back to Season 1 of Biggest Loser. I hit play and got on my elliptical machine and I just went. Everytime there was a commercial, I went as fast as I could go and refused to stop until the credits rolled. That show inspires me. After watching season 11, going back to season 1 was a bit disappointing...but the idea behind it is what drives me lately. So that's what I'm going to do this time. Every day. Next episode...exercise until its over. 60 mins, 700 calories...protein shake...and I feel FANTASTIC.
Here's hoping that tomorrow...no excuse can talk me out of doing it all over again.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The first big change...
The first big change we've made to our family's diet is replacing all our bread/buns/tortillas/etc with 100% whole wheat products. And yanno...they're pretty damn good! I think I got lucky. I know a lot of kids would whine at their parents, but mine just eat it like it's not any different from what they used to eat. The bread part I've kind of been easing into over the past few months by working Sara Lee's 45 calorie whole wheat and honey bread into everyone's sandwiches and toast but now we're going all out!
Saturday I grilled some pork chops (yay george foreman grill) and made them into sandwiches on whole wheat buns. Then last night we tried Philly cooking creme for the first time and made some whole wheat enchiladas with a mix of low fat mozzerella and cheddar cheese. SO good! Of course there was still room for some low-fat chocolate brownie frozen yogurt but hey.
It feels good to not have to restrict myself anymore. I know I'll probably do the hcg thing again at one point, but right now it's just too stressful for me. I think what was said in one of the comments on my last post is true. When you have more than 7 things on your mind at once, it's infinitely harder to make the right choices when it comes to food. With everything going on here, I definitely have more than 7 things on my mind! So I'm not eating perfectly by any means, but I'm eating healthiER than I was. Low-fat cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast and I'm good to go! Now if the weather holds out, I'll go for a walk.
So here's to making changes, one little thing at a time.
Saturday I grilled some pork chops (yay george foreman grill) and made them into sandwiches on whole wheat buns. Then last night we tried Philly cooking creme for the first time and made some whole wheat enchiladas with a mix of low fat mozzerella and cheddar cheese. SO good! Of course there was still room for some low-fat chocolate brownie frozen yogurt but hey.
It feels good to not have to restrict myself anymore. I know I'll probably do the hcg thing again at one point, but right now it's just too stressful for me. I think what was said in one of the comments on my last post is true. When you have more than 7 things on your mind at once, it's infinitely harder to make the right choices when it comes to food. With everything going on here, I definitely have more than 7 things on my mind! So I'm not eating perfectly by any means, but I'm eating healthiER than I was. Low-fat cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast and I'm good to go! Now if the weather holds out, I'll go for a walk.
So here's to making changes, one little thing at a time.
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