Owwwwww....

Heading into week 5 of my Facebook version of biggest loser and everyone's been doing really great..but HOLY CRAP am I sore!! Words can't even express how much easier this is for me to keep going every day with so many great friends doing it alongside me. I only lost 1.2 lbs this week, which to be honest...pissed me off. But as a group we lost 24 lbs! That's pretty freaking incredible.

Being the biggest girl in the group is hard. My percentages are horrible compared to those of the smaller girls and it can get pretty depressing..especially after working really hard during the week. But it just pushes me to keep going. I KNOW I'll get there.

I'm definitely addicted to my workouts now. I spend at least 90 mins a day in the gym if not more and I'm getting more conscious about what I eat. I think my problem is too many carbs and not enough protein..despite the fact that I've been eating healthier kinds of carbs for the most part. Something is still causing my body to hang onto the weight. So I'm going to change up a few things this week and see what helps. The biggest challenge will be having no sugar for the whole week. It was a challenge posted by my group and while I hate it...I love it. I know it will help me lose more and hopefully start a trend.

One thing I've definitely noticed a change in, even if my weight isn't changing much...is my self confidence. It no longer bothers me to be in a weight room full of strong, gorgeous men or skinny, beautiful women. Now instead of seeing them as people who are judging me...I see them as examples of where I'm trying to get. I want that. I want to look cute in leggings and a tank top when I workout! I want to have a butt that guys stare at when I bend over hahaha. I do!! So the people who used to scare me...now help to motivate me. I still have a long way to go, but getting out of the house to workout every day has really helped.

I really do think it's going to stick this time. I've been working out 4-5 days a week in the gym for going on 6 weeks now and I LOVE it! A year from now I'll feel silly for being so whiney and impatient about it. Now if only I had a time machine to get there.

Week 2 of Jilly's Losers!

So I'm totally in love with this FB version of The Biggest Loser that I was able to put together with some friends of mine. It's been a HUGE motivation and support for me and now that some of the stress/chaos in my life has subsided, I actually had a great weight loss week! I was down 2.8 lbs this week, which is infinitely better than the .2 lbs I lost last week. Since I'm a bigger girl to start with, that's not a very high percentage of weight loss compared to my other awesome "Losers", but I can't be upset with almost 3 lbs in one week. I'll admit, sometimes I miss the 10 lbs/week of the hcg diet...but at the same time I know that in the long run, doing it this way will be much more long term and a complete life changer for me.

Last week I worked out 6 days, which is my goal. It was the first time I've ever accomplished it and I was so proud of myself. It's hard work though. I'm still a bit sore but it's getting easier. Not to mention blisters are becoming normal haha. But I actually am to a point now that I crave that time in the gym. I crave the time away from the chaos of home and the responsibilities of mom/housekeeper for a couple hours.

I'm still working on my eating habits, but having this BodyMedia Fit armband seriously helps. It's amazing how much more conscious I am about my food choices when I see the calories of EVERYTHING and how it balances out with my caloric burn for the day. I aim to burn at LEAST 1,000 more calories a day than I take in, so it's nice that I can see what I can afford to eat at any given time...and most days I'm way over that 1,000 mark! Exercising is far easier than eating right though, I've decided.

So my goal for week 3 is to lose more than 3 pounds. I'm 7.8 lbs away from being under 300 again and this time I want to STAY under 300. So I'm going to work my ass off (hopefully literally!) and we'll see how it goes. I feel so blessed to have the support that I have. I don't know what I'd do without such amazing friends and family.

Stressed...

It's true what they say about stress affecting your weight. I had a great week as far as working out and eating went and was really hoping for a 3-4 on the scale today. However, yesterday my daughter was involved in an accident on her way to school in which her leg and her bike were run over by a car and we spent the majority of the day in the hospital. She's okay..her leg is broken..but she will be okay. However, as a result, my eating has gone to crap and I've had little sleep and my stress levels are OUT OF CONTROL.

Add onto that a change in Nathan's job and changes for our family and I'm just stressed to the max. So when I weighed this morning, I was only down .8 for the week. I know it's a loss, which is better than a gain...but it just reminds me that even when I'm working my ass off..there will be weeks when my hormones and emotions are going to have other ideas.

Today starts season 12 of The Biggest Loser and my own little version I'm hosting on FB. Jilly's Losers! My starting weight is 310.6 and I'm excited to see how well I can do with a bunch of friends doing it with me. The moral support helps more than I think anyone realizes.

Now if I could get myself back into the right frame of mind and get back to the gym....

A new outlook...

I guess I haven't written in a while huh? It's been so long, it would take a novel to really update everyone on every little thing, so I'll try for the short(er) version!

After my last round of hcg, I was down to 285 lbs. (yay me). However after a battle with a kidney stone that landed me in the hospital twice and had me laid up for nearly 3 weeks...and then 3 weeks with severe chronic bronchitis...I gained back most of it. I went back up to 317 lbs. To say the least I was pretty depressed and went through a period of just not giving a shit (pardon my french). I went back to eating whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it and decided this was just how my body was meant to look and always WILL look.

Then...something happened. I found out that Biggest Loser was having auditions in Salt Lake City and I knew I wanted to go. The thought of being away from my family for several months and having to work out for hours and hours and hours every day scared the crap out of me, but I wanted to do it. SO badly. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am terrified of crowds and of people in general, really. I hate stepping out of my comfort zone and letting people see me. So you can imagine how I felt about standing in line for hours with hundreds of random strangers and then meeting with producers of this show I'd come to love and try to convince them that I'm awesome and would be perfect for the show.

But I was determined to do it. And I shocked myself. From the moment we got into line, I began talking to the people in front of and behind me, making friends and watching myself evolve into this whole new person. I don't know if maybe it was just because these were people like me who were overweight and feeling as scared as I was..but whatever the reason, I came out of my shell. I even walked right up to a few of last seasons contestants who had stopped by to visit and had a conversation! It was a "Jill" I decided I'd really like to see more often.

I didn't get a call back to be on the show, but that day still ignited a whole new desire in me to really get serious about this...and not by going back on hcg. I want to do this the right way.

So I got me a gym membership and I bought me a BodyMedia Fit armband kind of like those the Biggest Loser contestants use to keep track of their caloric burn...and I got to work. I'm now down to 311.4 and still going. The weight loss is slower and it's hard work, but it's rewarding. I still indulge in my favorites from time to time, but I find myself consciously choosing things that are healthier because I know I can eat so much more! Just this morning, I took Emma to Einstein Bagels to stock up on their new "Bagel Thins" and Reduced Fat Shmear. 2 of those and a bottle of vitamin water and it was only about 350 calories. Subway has also become a huge addiction for me. 6 inch Subway Club on wheat with just lettuce, tomato and some fat free honey mustard and I'm in heaven. Toss in a bag of Baked Lays and you are full and only up about 480 calories. Haha I sound like an infomercial!!

So now we're up to the present. Season 12 of the Biggest Loser starts next week on Sept. 20th and I want to do my own at home kind of version since I won't be on the show. I'm inviting all of my friends and family (on facebook) to do it with me. Everyone who wants to do it will put $20 into the pot and starting weights will be posted in a private group I've created. Then every week when the show airs, everyone will take a snapshot of their scale showing their new weight and at whoever has lost the highest percentage of weight come finale time wins the whole pot!! It should be fun. But most importantly, I think it will help a lot of people that I care about (as well as myself) lose some serious weight.

So that's about it for now :) Wish me luck! Again!

Stupid computer...

I wrote a pretty good sized blog last night then it froze/crashed when I tried to post it. So...I'm not re-writing it haha. Too tired and cranky! Maybe later. I did workout yesterday though and eat pretty healthy, so yay me. Next!

3 down a million to go

Today's one of those days where I'm seeing way too much of the big picture when it comes to weight loss. I see how far I still have to go and not how far I've come. I managed 30 minutes on my elliptical today (I was sore as hell...best I could do) but I still feel all depressed about it because I know I have to do it a million more times if I want even a chance at getting to my goal weight.

Its nice that my wedding ring is loose, but I want it to fall off. It's nice that my pants have some extra room, but I want it to annoy me to the point I have to buy a belt or new pants. I feel stuck and I hate it. I'm trying so hard to just keep focusing on that one thing...exercise...every single day. SOMETHING. Anything that constitutes getting my heart rate up and burning calories. So...3 days down..way too many more to go. But man am I wishing I'd just gotten the same genes my sisters all did right now.

How to motivate a 4 year old...

I got a bit of a late start this morning, so I didn't get on my elliptical like I wanted to before things got a bit busy. BUT! I didn't let that be an excuse today! Once I had the time, I decided it was nice enough for a walk (albeit with a jacket on). Only problem...4 year old. It's about .9 miles to the local Maverik gas station, which isn't a huge distance but it's still good exercise. So what did I do? Told her if she'd walk the whole way with me, I'd let her pick out a treat at the gas station.

She kept pointing out as we walked, just how far away we were getting from our house and saying things like "I'm not allowed to go this far by myself". Nope, you're not! But she sang some made up songs and kept me company and we had a good mommy/daughter walk. Tomorrow though, it's back on the elliptical. More calories burned and easier to get my heartrate up that way!

But as long as I'm not making excuses to avoid getting SOME form of exercise in, I'm doin just fine :)