Crash and burn...or at least that's what it feels like.
I can't really pinpoint one specific thing that sent me off the proverbial rails. I can guess at several, however.
- I had family in town for over a week which meant a change in my usual routine
- I hadn't eaten out or had soda/sugar in weeks and allowing myself to do those things after so long, triggered an unhappy chemical reaction within me that made me crave it WAYYYYY too much
- We've been working towards closing on our new house and packing up our apartment
- Jilly's Losers season 6 ended and I had "a week off"
- Nathan was working in SLC for the week, so he was home by dinnertime, which he usually isn't.
All of those things, as well as others I'm sure, piled up over a few weeks time to create a perfect storm of horrible horrible choices and food obsession.
I finished season 6 of Jilly's Losers at 227.2lbs for a total loss of 103.4lbs since I began this crazy ass journey. I pushed harder this season than I had in ages. I didn't have a single gain and I went hardcore on the challenges..not to mention restricting my diet more than I ever had. That was great for the number on the scale and the inches on my waist, sure...but mentally, I had no idea I was just pushing myself towards the ledge.
The last day of the season, I was VERY close to the weight I needed to be to lose my 6%, so I did a double workout that morning. I took my very first step class and then stretched for 20 mins before going to my usual zumba class. Without properly hydrating, I was exhausted and barely survived the 2 1/2 hours at the gym. I came home and weighed and barely reached my goal, but then I could almost physically feel the stress and the weight I'd been carrying...cause my will to crumble beneath those 227.2 lbs. I was ravenous for food and I wanted Zupas. I hadn't had it in a LONG time and I had earned it dammit! I got a sandwich, some soup and a brownie. As I ate, I got full quickly. It happens when you shrink. But I ignored it. I kept going until every bite was gone (though I saved the brownie for later in the day). I kept within my calorie limit for the day and while my stomach wasn't happy with me, I didn't feel guilty about it. It was my first "cheat meal" in what felt like forever and I had no guilt.
Before I knew it, that "cheat meal" had become a cheat week. That first meal lit a hunger within me that I could not seem to fill no matter what I ate. I hadn't felt urges or cravings...really at all...for 3-4 weeks and suddenly it was as if I was going to die without some carne asada fries from Betos. Seriously. Every single day I would wake up feeling sick to my stomach. My lovely friend the food hangover. And every single day I would resolve that that day would be the day I broke the cycle. Every single day started well with a good, healthy breakfast and a workout (most days)...but by dinner time I had NO will power. None.
What was wrong with me!!!! Things hadn't been this hard in I don't know how long. I could physically feel depression seeping in. I could feel my desire to lose weight slowly fading. I very much did not give a !$@# what I put in my mouth at that point. I was very frustrated and disappointed in myself. I couldn't seem to get back on track no matter what I did. A track that I've practically lived on for the last 2 years.
And then this morning, I heard the same thing twice. One of my very best friends, Amy, told me that the most important thing to do right now is to just ...move on. She told me not to let it get me down anymore. She reassured me that I have the ability to turn this around quickly. I knew she was right, but I was still wanting to kick myself. And then I picked up the book I've been reading the past week... "Fit2Fat2Fit". Within a page or two, Drew Manning was saying the same thing. "Move on." We are human. We make mistakes. We cheat on our diets, we skip days at the gym. But if we spend all our time beating ourselves up over something that's done and over with...it will only make it worse and make the downward spiral last even longer. "Move on," he said. Just let it go.
So I did. I couldn't go to the gym this morning as I always do on Mondays due to my daughters having their annual well child visits at the Dr.'s, but I made sure to start my day with LOTS of water and ate a good balanced breakfast and lunch. Nathan's back to his normal work schedule this week and Jilly's Losers season 7 starts tomorrow. I'm sure I'm up 10 lbs from where I was last week, but I also know that most of that is water weight. There is no way I ate 35000 extra calories. I counted.
So I'm going to start over. I'm going to breathe. I'm going to sweat. I'm going to drown myself in water. And I'm going to move on.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Alternative forms of exercise...
I absolutely loved having my parents around this past week. I may be at the gym 5-6 days a week, but in my normal every day life...my days are pretty boring and I don't get in much more activity/steps than I do while at the gym. But when my parents are around it's a whole other ball game and I love it!
I still got in a few zumba workouts because let's face it...I'm obsessed. I even got my mom to come with me, which was great! You can tell she used to teach aerobics as she picked it up really quickly. Not to mention having her next to me pushed me harder so I could "show off" a bit haha. But the calorie burn didn't stop after we left the gym most days!
The thing my parents love the most about Florida (I think) is the fact that they can golf year round. They are both AMAZING golfers and have been giving me lessons over the past couple of years. Losing weight (especially in the...AHEM...chest area) has really helped to make the game easier, not to mention less tiring and a lot more fun! My sisters haven't gotten much into the game, but I absolutely love it and wish I could go more often. So my mom and I got up at 5:30 one morning and walked 9 holes at Schneiter's Bluff in West Point. It was absolutely beautiful out and even though I didn't play well (I stopped keeping score after the 4th hole when my back/hip started screaming at me) I still had a blast. I'll never understand how people can sit for hours and WATCH it on television, but I've quickly grown to love playing. And it's a great workout!!
Then on the 5th of July, while we were all still down in the Provo area, we went for a gorgeous hike up to Stewart Falls, which is on the back side of Mt. Timpanogos. We were supposed to be hiking with a bunch of extended family, but after being up late on the 4th, no one else showed but us! We groaned about having to drag our kids out of bed after only 5 hours of sleep but it was so worth it. I hadn't done that hike since I was 17 and I'm so glad I got to take my kids. The hike wasn't easy by any means, but it wasn't so tough that I was hating it the whole way either. And the falls were beautiful!! The kids loved dancing in the water and my dad even decided to climb to the top of the waterfall. Crazy man! We were sure he was going to fall to his death, but luckily he lived to tell us what he saw at the top.
Yesterday was the day my daddy had to fly home, but not without giving me another lesson at the driving range. We spent a good hour going over every aspect of my swing and I think we finally managed to figure out why I can hit the ball well, but it always goes to the right!! The man should give golf lessons, seriously. By the end, I was able to get in a really great drive or two...and they even went straight! My goal is to one day beat my parents at 9 holes. I'll need a lot more practice though.
It really was such a great week and I'm glad that it was so busy! God knows I ate more than I have in weeks while they were here and I'm already back on track to burn it all off...but it was worth every calorie!
I need to try and get in more alternative forms of exercise. I love my zumba classes, but I know I should mix it up. I think I may try a step class in the next couple of weeks and I have a 5K coming up on the 24th so perhaps I should see how my foot handles running now that I've given it some time off! I could use some more suggestions though. Not going to wait for another plateau to hit before I change things up!
I still got in a few zumba workouts because let's face it...I'm obsessed. I even got my mom to come with me, which was great! You can tell she used to teach aerobics as she picked it up really quickly. Not to mention having her next to me pushed me harder so I could "show off" a bit haha. But the calorie burn didn't stop after we left the gym most days!
The thing my parents love the most about Florida (I think) is the fact that they can golf year round. They are both AMAZING golfers and have been giving me lessons over the past couple of years. Losing weight (especially in the...AHEM...chest area) has really helped to make the game easier, not to mention less tiring and a lot more fun! My sisters haven't gotten much into the game, but I absolutely love it and wish I could go more often. So my mom and I got up at 5:30 one morning and walked 9 holes at Schneiter's Bluff in West Point. It was absolutely beautiful out and even though I didn't play well (I stopped keeping score after the 4th hole when my back/hip started screaming at me) I still had a blast. I'll never understand how people can sit for hours and WATCH it on television, but I've quickly grown to love playing. And it's a great workout!!
Then on the 5th of July, while we were all still down in the Provo area, we went for a gorgeous hike up to Stewart Falls, which is on the back side of Mt. Timpanogos. We were supposed to be hiking with a bunch of extended family, but after being up late on the 4th, no one else showed but us! We groaned about having to drag our kids out of bed after only 5 hours of sleep but it was so worth it. I hadn't done that hike since I was 17 and I'm so glad I got to take my kids. The hike wasn't easy by any means, but it wasn't so tough that I was hating it the whole way either. And the falls were beautiful!! The kids loved dancing in the water and my dad even decided to climb to the top of the waterfall. Crazy man! We were sure he was going to fall to his death, but luckily he lived to tell us what he saw at the top.
Yesterday was the day my daddy had to fly home, but not without giving me another lesson at the driving range. We spent a good hour going over every aspect of my swing and I think we finally managed to figure out why I can hit the ball well, but it always goes to the right!! The man should give golf lessons, seriously. By the end, I was able to get in a really great drive or two...and they even went straight! My goal is to one day beat my parents at 9 holes. I'll need a lot more practice though.
It really was such a great week and I'm glad that it was so busy! God knows I ate more than I have in weeks while they were here and I'm already back on track to burn it all off...but it was worth every calorie!
I need to try and get in more alternative forms of exercise. I love my zumba classes, but I know I should mix it up. I think I may try a step class in the next couple of weeks and I have a 5K coming up on the 24th so perhaps I should see how my foot handles running now that I've given it some time off! I could use some more suggestions though. Not going to wait for another plateau to hit before I change things up!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Triple digits...and I don't mean the weather!
Today has been a very emotional and very incredible day. Over the past couple of weeks I've been slowly inching towards this huge milestone...at a pace that would irritate a turtle. But someone must've had a chat with my scale about behaving and today it finally rewarded me with a number that I've been waiting for for a very long time.
How many girls do you know who will post a picture of their weight online!!! haha. I've gotten over my shyness of it and now this is a number that makes me SO happy. With this number on the scale, I have now lost 100.4 lbs total. That's almost both of my daughters combined!!! My mother heard me scream from upstairs as I realized I'd finally hit that milestone. I'm glad someone was home to celebrate with me :)
My parents are in town visiting and they had promised me that if I hit 100 lbs before/during their stay...that my mom would take me shopping for new clothes (which I need...badly. I'm rocking the homey G look for sure with all my baggy pants!) So of course, that added to my excitement. Who doesn't like new clothes? Honestly...I never used to. I always hated clothes shopping because it just made me feel fat and ugly and bad about myself. But today it was just FUN!
Remember those jeans I bought myself when I passed 250 lbs and how I was so excited because they were a size 20? Today I came home with all size 18's and even a size 16 skirt!!! The girls at the store were probably thinking my mom and I were nuts hugging each other and giggling. I was just so freaking happy. My parents are amazing. They have been so supportive through all of this and I am truly blessed to have them. Though next time I need to gag my mother so she doesn't tell everyone we meet how much weight I've lost :P hahaha.
You know what else is cool? I'm now "light enough" (HA!) that my husband walked up to me and picked me up the other day! Just grabbed me and hoisted me up! I was like WHOA! PUT ME DOWN! YOU'LL HURT YOURSELF! I've never had a man pick me up before. Ever. And it scared the crap out of me. And then it just became another thing that made me happy. It's funny how the littlest things can feel like such a big deal when you've spent most of your life as big as I was.
I don't want to sound like some pretentious actor accepting an Oscar, but I really do have to thank people who have helped me to get this far and who I know will help me lose the rest of the weight that I have to lose. (100 lbs is great, but I still have a long way to go). My amazing husband Nathan has sacrificed nonstop for this journey of mine. He's suffered through the changes in my diet (and the contents of our fridge) and suffered through all my emotional ups and downs as the scale has fought me for every pound. I am grateful to have a husband who encourages and supports me in this. I love him so much. Even my kids are adjusting to the health changes in our house and they've been such troopers! My 13 year old has had to babysit his sisters more than he'd like to just so that I can go to the gym. I should probably start paying him for that huh? haha. My sisters have also been extremely supportive and have been my cheerleaders through all of this, but especially Heidi. She is my own personal Jillian Michaels and without her help, I'd probably still be on that year long plateau. She helped me figure out what needed to change and she pushed me when I didn't want to move forward anymore. Thank you Heidi Goo :)
But honestly, the people who have helped me the most are my family of Jilly's Losers. Especially Angie and Amy who have literally kept me in check every single day and picked me up when I fell off the wagon. But the group as a whole....members past and present...is what has kept me from giving up and kept me reaching towards new goals. I can only hope that I have helped them as much as they have helped me. I never thought that starting a little weight loss group could make such a difference when I had tried every other diet in the world. But it turned out to be the thing that flipped the switch in my brain and for almost 2 years now, the family I've made within...has been my inspiration.
I can hear the music playing to tell me my time is up, but there are so many people in my life who have played their role in this long, exhausting journey and that's overwhelming to me. I never knew so many people cared. It's very humbling.
Next goal...heading into One-derland. I haven't been below 200 lbs since I first met my husband in 1999 and I would LOVE to be there again. And I finally realize that it's possible and completely within my reach. Man life is good!!!
How many girls do you know who will post a picture of their weight online!!! haha. I've gotten over my shyness of it and now this is a number that makes me SO happy. With this number on the scale, I have now lost 100.4 lbs total. That's almost both of my daughters combined!!! My mother heard me scream from upstairs as I realized I'd finally hit that milestone. I'm glad someone was home to celebrate with me :)
My parents are in town visiting and they had promised me that if I hit 100 lbs before/during their stay...that my mom would take me shopping for new clothes (which I need...badly. I'm rocking the homey G look for sure with all my baggy pants!) So of course, that added to my excitement. Who doesn't like new clothes? Honestly...I never used to. I always hated clothes shopping because it just made me feel fat and ugly and bad about myself. But today it was just FUN!
Remember those jeans I bought myself when I passed 250 lbs and how I was so excited because they were a size 20? Today I came home with all size 18's and even a size 16 skirt!!! The girls at the store were probably thinking my mom and I were nuts hugging each other and giggling. I was just so freaking happy. My parents are amazing. They have been so supportive through all of this and I am truly blessed to have them. Though next time I need to gag my mother so she doesn't tell everyone we meet how much weight I've lost :P hahaha.
You know what else is cool? I'm now "light enough" (HA!) that my husband walked up to me and picked me up the other day! Just grabbed me and hoisted me up! I was like WHOA! PUT ME DOWN! YOU'LL HURT YOURSELF! I've never had a man pick me up before. Ever. And it scared the crap out of me. And then it just became another thing that made me happy. It's funny how the littlest things can feel like such a big deal when you've spent most of your life as big as I was.
I don't want to sound like some pretentious actor accepting an Oscar, but I really do have to thank people who have helped me to get this far and who I know will help me lose the rest of the weight that I have to lose. (100 lbs is great, but I still have a long way to go). My amazing husband Nathan has sacrificed nonstop for this journey of mine. He's suffered through the changes in my diet (and the contents of our fridge) and suffered through all my emotional ups and downs as the scale has fought me for every pound. I am grateful to have a husband who encourages and supports me in this. I love him so much. Even my kids are adjusting to the health changes in our house and they've been such troopers! My 13 year old has had to babysit his sisters more than he'd like to just so that I can go to the gym. I should probably start paying him for that huh? haha. My sisters have also been extremely supportive and have been my cheerleaders through all of this, but especially Heidi. She is my own personal Jillian Michaels and without her help, I'd probably still be on that year long plateau. She helped me figure out what needed to change and she pushed me when I didn't want to move forward anymore. Thank you Heidi Goo :)
But honestly, the people who have helped me the most are my family of Jilly's Losers. Especially Angie and Amy who have literally kept me in check every single day and picked me up when I fell off the wagon. But the group as a whole....members past and present...is what has kept me from giving up and kept me reaching towards new goals. I can only hope that I have helped them as much as they have helped me. I never thought that starting a little weight loss group could make such a difference when I had tried every other diet in the world. But it turned out to be the thing that flipped the switch in my brain and for almost 2 years now, the family I've made within...has been my inspiration.
I can hear the music playing to tell me my time is up, but there are so many people in my life who have played their role in this long, exhausting journey and that's overwhelming to me. I never knew so many people cared. It's very humbling.
Next goal...heading into One-derland. I haven't been below 200 lbs since I first met my husband in 1999 and I would LOVE to be there again. And I finally realize that it's possible and completely within my reach. Man life is good!!!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Stupid people won't mess me up...
As most of you already have heard, my husband and I just put an offer on our very first house and had it accepted. Thus started the whirlwind of chaos! I can sincerely say that I had no idea what we were getting into when we started this. The emails and phone calls to this company and that...for this quote and that approval etc etc etc....my God, it's never ending. It's overwhelming and stressful beyond belief, BUT!!!...It's the kind of stress that is a means to an amazing end and it is WORTH IT.
And then...there are stupid people. Verizon namely. Yes you...stupids. Ugh. I know I ranted about this on facebook already, so I won't get into the details much here...since that's not the point I wanted to make in writing this. Basically they tried screwing us out of $400+ dollars and keep backpedaling their decisions and changing their minds and it's just a big mess.
Needless to say, THIS kind of stress surpassed my limit for BS today. And now my point for writing this. The old me would have taken a day like today and let it shove me into a dark hole where the only way out was to eat my way out with a spoon or my hands or whatever was easiest. The old me would have said "screw it" to any progress I may have made with my weight loss and just jumped head first into a pile of fried cheesy fatty goodness. The old me would have went out and bought a bag of chips, some ranch dip and an entire cake and then hid it from her children so they wouldn't try to steal any. Yup. I've done that.
But today, the old me was nowhere to be found. When the stress became too much, I packed up my kids in the car with their swim gear and headed to the pool. They ran around crazy to beat the heat while I relaxed with a good book (Game of Thrones...though my reading is way behind what I've already seen in the tv series. They're long freaking books!) And then when I got hungry for lunch, I made a Peppermint Patty protein shake and downed a few almonds and a banana as the day went on. The old me didn't even try to poke her head out. I didn't even have a craving for any of the old stuff. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? This would have been the perfect excuse for some Betos! Though who really needs an excuse for Betos...honestly.
I know the old me still hides down in the dark corners and that she has her days when she wants to be heard. She'll never fully go away. But I'm realizing that I don't NEED her anymore. I'm okay without her. I'm strong enough to handle the things that come my way...without the help of food. And man, does that feel good :)
And then...there are stupid people. Verizon namely. Yes you...stupids. Ugh. I know I ranted about this on facebook already, so I won't get into the details much here...since that's not the point I wanted to make in writing this. Basically they tried screwing us out of $400+ dollars and keep backpedaling their decisions and changing their minds and it's just a big mess.
Needless to say, THIS kind of stress surpassed my limit for BS today. And now my point for writing this. The old me would have taken a day like today and let it shove me into a dark hole where the only way out was to eat my way out with a spoon or my hands or whatever was easiest. The old me would have said "screw it" to any progress I may have made with my weight loss and just jumped head first into a pile of fried cheesy fatty goodness. The old me would have went out and bought a bag of chips, some ranch dip and an entire cake and then hid it from her children so they wouldn't try to steal any. Yup. I've done that.
But today, the old me was nowhere to be found. When the stress became too much, I packed up my kids in the car with their swim gear and headed to the pool. They ran around crazy to beat the heat while I relaxed with a good book (Game of Thrones...though my reading is way behind what I've already seen in the tv series. They're long freaking books!) And then when I got hungry for lunch, I made a Peppermint Patty protein shake and downed a few almonds and a banana as the day went on. The old me didn't even try to poke her head out. I didn't even have a craving for any of the old stuff. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? This would have been the perfect excuse for some Betos! Though who really needs an excuse for Betos...honestly.
I know the old me still hides down in the dark corners and that she has her days when she wants to be heard. She'll never fully go away. But I'm realizing that I don't NEED her anymore. I'm okay without her. I'm strong enough to handle the things that come my way...without the help of food. And man, does that feel good :)
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Yoga is hard...
About 2 months ago I decided to try out the "Gentle yoga" class that's held on Friday mornings at my gym. After 4 days of hardcore workouts, it's nice and relaxing. I was really nervous my first class but quickly grew to love it...and my teacher is amazing. (It didn't hurt that she recognized me from the daycare. She used to work in there and knows Emma...and so she commented on my weight loss over the time I've been going to the gym there. So that won her big brownie points haha)
Gentle yoga, I noticed, is mostly filled with older ladies, bigger ladies (like myself) and the occasional hardcore girl (and a few guys) who just want a good stretching after working out all week. Most of them seem to be on my same level in yoga as far as flexibility and strength, so I've never felt out of place there. For the most part, it's an easy, relaxing class...with the occasional core work thrown in there. And who doesn't like spending the last 5 minutes in shavasana (You lie flat on your back with your palms up and eyes closed while the teacher rubs oils into everyone's temples. It's SO nice). I never understood why my sister Tiffany is always saying how tough her yoga class is! Then I found out why.
Well as summer starts, Denise (my teacher), begins doing a "yoga under the stars" class on Wednesdays which is 90 mins long and held late at night out on the pool deck outside. I decided last week to try it...and convinced Nathan to come with me. We got set up on the pool deck amidst all these itty bitty skinny girls (I'm not even slightly overexaggerating here) and then the wind kicked up and the temp dropped so we all went back into the studio. And then we were thrown into yoga hell.
In gentle yoga, we spend the first 5 mins...at least...in a seated position, just controlling our breathing. Nope...not in this class. From the first 30 seconds we were on our hands and knees and quickly thrust into downward dog (basically you're on your hands and feet, pushing your ass into the air)...WHICH I HATE. I have no problem saying that this is my least favorite position ever. It hurts my palms and my wrists if I have to hold it for more than 15 seconds and it very quickly causes me to start sweating all over my mat. Did I mention, this class was 90 minutes long? Man. I won't even try to name all the positions and balances we did or try to remember how long we held each one...but I was SOAKED in sweat.
For the most part I was able to keep up and I definitely didn't quit. Although when she expected us to balance on JUST our hands, with our elbows pressed into our hips...I sat and watched lol. I may have lost 94 lbs, but it's still not quite enough to avoid a face plant were I to try holding all my weight up that way.
After an hour of brutal leg and arm work, she had us sit back down. "YAY!" I thought to myself. No...not yay. That's when the core work started. My stomach is the weakest part of my body. That and my arms. And this wonderful lady, whom I adore, wanted me to sit in a V (hands and legs up in the air with just my butt on the floor)...and then drop my legs one at a time. HAAAAA. I think I actually laughed outloud when she said it. Nathan wasn't thrilled with it either. It didn't help that the girls next to us on both sides...were doing this in perfect form without breaking a sweat. I think one of them was a ballet dancer. But we tried it. My whole body shook like a leaf...convulsing with every movement of every muscle...but I think I managed the gist of the thing anyway.
Yoga is hard. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. As much as I hated every second of it...I loved it. I was sore all the next day and trying to shampoo my hair after all that downward dog was NOT easy. But I loved it. I don't know that I'll ever get Nathan there again, but I'll definitely be going again next week. (Maybe I can convince my mom to come while she's here? Maybe?)
I went back to my gentle yoga class on Friday and Denise came up to me afterwards asking me how I was. She told me that she was so worried that I'd hate her after the Wednesday class because she knew I was used to the easier version. I told her it was extremely tough and that I blamed her for my soreness...but that I'd be back. Maybe one day I'll even be able to balance my entire body weight on my hands. Maybe.
Gentle yoga, I noticed, is mostly filled with older ladies, bigger ladies (like myself) and the occasional hardcore girl (and a few guys) who just want a good stretching after working out all week. Most of them seem to be on my same level in yoga as far as flexibility and strength, so I've never felt out of place there. For the most part, it's an easy, relaxing class...with the occasional core work thrown in there. And who doesn't like spending the last 5 minutes in shavasana (You lie flat on your back with your palms up and eyes closed while the teacher rubs oils into everyone's temples. It's SO nice). I never understood why my sister Tiffany is always saying how tough her yoga class is! Then I found out why.
Well as summer starts, Denise (my teacher), begins doing a "yoga under the stars" class on Wednesdays which is 90 mins long and held late at night out on the pool deck outside. I decided last week to try it...and convinced Nathan to come with me. We got set up on the pool deck amidst all these itty bitty skinny girls (I'm not even slightly overexaggerating here) and then the wind kicked up and the temp dropped so we all went back into the studio. And then we were thrown into yoga hell.
In gentle yoga, we spend the first 5 mins...at least...in a seated position, just controlling our breathing. Nope...not in this class. From the first 30 seconds we were on our hands and knees and quickly thrust into downward dog (basically you're on your hands and feet, pushing your ass into the air)...WHICH I HATE. I have no problem saying that this is my least favorite position ever. It hurts my palms and my wrists if I have to hold it for more than 15 seconds and it very quickly causes me to start sweating all over my mat. Did I mention, this class was 90 minutes long? Man. I won't even try to name all the positions and balances we did or try to remember how long we held each one...but I was SOAKED in sweat.
For the most part I was able to keep up and I definitely didn't quit. Although when she expected us to balance on JUST our hands, with our elbows pressed into our hips...I sat and watched lol. I may have lost 94 lbs, but it's still not quite enough to avoid a face plant were I to try holding all my weight up that way.
After an hour of brutal leg and arm work, she had us sit back down. "YAY!" I thought to myself. No...not yay. That's when the core work started. My stomach is the weakest part of my body. That and my arms. And this wonderful lady, whom I adore, wanted me to sit in a V (hands and legs up in the air with just my butt on the floor)...and then drop my legs one at a time. HAAAAA. I think I actually laughed outloud when she said it. Nathan wasn't thrilled with it either. It didn't help that the girls next to us on both sides...were doing this in perfect form without breaking a sweat. I think one of them was a ballet dancer. But we tried it. My whole body shook like a leaf...convulsing with every movement of every muscle...but I think I managed the gist of the thing anyway.
Yoga is hard. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. As much as I hated every second of it...I loved it. I was sore all the next day and trying to shampoo my hair after all that downward dog was NOT easy. But I loved it. I don't know that I'll ever get Nathan there again, but I'll definitely be going again next week. (Maybe I can convince my mom to come while she's here? Maybe?)
I went back to my gentle yoga class on Friday and Denise came up to me afterwards asking me how I was. She told me that she was so worried that I'd hate her after the Wednesday class because she knew I was used to the easier version. I told her it was extremely tough and that I blamed her for my soreness...but that I'd be back. Maybe one day I'll even be able to balance my entire body weight on my hands. Maybe.
Monday, June 17, 2013
The Challenge...
We're halfway through season 6 of Jilly's Losers and right about now is when it really starts to get tough, especially for the new people. If you think about it, doing something like this is hard anyway. You are in a group consisting mostly of people that you've never met and every week you're standing on a scale and posting that picture for all of those people to see. It takes guts and it takes commitment and I'm proud of every single person who has ever been in my group.
Lately a lot of people (including me) have had reasons/excuses for not doing well. Things going on in life...changes happening...places to go, people to see, etc. And sometimes we just want to say "screw it, I don't care. I'm just gonna eat whatever I feel like, consequences be damned." Sometimes it's a case of being a mother of young children and having to put their needs first and deciding that your journey isn't as important and has to be set aside. But whatever the "reason" for not eating right or not getting in some sort of intentional movement every day...it's always an "excuse". Always.
One thing I really try to drive home in my group is that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes. It's okay to want to be healthier and happier and it's okay to take the time you need to do so. And this week I want everyone to prove to themselves that they can do anything...for one week. Below is the challenge I posted to my group (minus some of the logistics that don't matter to people not in the group)
"CHALLENGE(s)!!!!!!!!! Every season I do a take on this challenge and I think it's time to do it again. After watching the group this week it seems that a lot of us are really struggling...for various reasons. For this challenge I want everyone to focus on 3 specific things. 1) Putting YOURSELF first 2) Will power and 3) NO EXCUSES.
This group is a place to vent. It is a place to share our struggles and our successes. It is a safe place. But it is also a place to learn and to be pushed harder than we may want to be pushed at times. So this week I am going to push you and you are all going to push yourselves into a very uncomfortable place. But before you freak out about it, I want you to tell yourselves this. "I can do ANYTHING for one week. Anything." Because you can. There is no excuse not to do this challenge. Having said that however, it of course is not mandatory. But I truly hope everyone will do it. And if you do, I promise you you will see results.
(They can do 1, 2 or 3 of the below challenges...with rewards and penalties for each. Or none at all.)
1) NO SODA for the entire week. Not regular, not diet. None, nada.
2) No eating out for the entire week. None. No Subway, no "But what if I get a salad?" Nope. Nothing.
3) NO SUGAR for the entire week. This does not mean you have to read the label of every item you eat. It is a common sense challenge. No cupcakes, no candy, no sugared cereal, etc. If when you eat it you think of it as a sugary food, don't eat it. Fruits are fine as they are a natural sugar.
So put yourselves first this week. I don't want to hear "Well I'll be at a party!" or "But I'm going on vacation!" or "But I HAVE to...." etc etc. This is a no excuses week. There is no reason why we can't do this for one single week. We are strong and we are capable. Tell your families your challenge and have them do it with you! But even if they won't....put yourself first. You are important. This is YOUR journey. Don't let anyone else dictate it for you. This week will be very hard, but if you do it...you won't regret it :) Good luck everyone!!!"
So that's the challenge for this next week and I fully expect people to hate me for it haha. Is it hard? Of course. Is it going to be miserable? Probably more for some than for others, but yes. But it will also help us to realize that we don't NEED those things. The more we eat them, the more we crave them...and then we blame the scale when it doesn't show us a number we like. But it's not all about the number. It's about changing our lives. Permanently. This isn't a diet. This is a change for the better. No one's asking anyone to give up these things forever. God knows that I need a cupcake every once in a while or someone gets hurt!
I challenge anyone reading this to try something similar in their own journey. Challenge your spouses and your kids..or your parents. What can you give up for a week? The things you have the hardest time parting with are probably the thing you need to give up the most! As for me, I will be doing all 3. The no soda thing will be easy as I've already implemented that in my home, but the other two....oh man.
So we'll see how it goes! No excuses. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch!! :)
Lately a lot of people (including me) have had reasons/excuses for not doing well. Things going on in life...changes happening...places to go, people to see, etc. And sometimes we just want to say "screw it, I don't care. I'm just gonna eat whatever I feel like, consequences be damned." Sometimes it's a case of being a mother of young children and having to put their needs first and deciding that your journey isn't as important and has to be set aside. But whatever the "reason" for not eating right or not getting in some sort of intentional movement every day...it's always an "excuse". Always.
One thing I really try to drive home in my group is that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes. It's okay to want to be healthier and happier and it's okay to take the time you need to do so. And this week I want everyone to prove to themselves that they can do anything...for one week. Below is the challenge I posted to my group (minus some of the logistics that don't matter to people not in the group)
"CHALLENGE(s)!!!!!!!!! Every season I do a take on this challenge and I think it's time to do it again. After watching the group this week it seems that a lot of us are really struggling...for various reasons. For this challenge I want everyone to focus on 3 specific things. 1) Putting YOURSELF first 2) Will power and 3) NO EXCUSES.
This group is a place to vent. It is a place to share our struggles and our successes. It is a safe place. But it is also a place to learn and to be pushed harder than we may want to be pushed at times. So this week I am going to push you and you are all going to push yourselves into a very uncomfortable place. But before you freak out about it, I want you to tell yourselves this. "I can do ANYTHING for one week. Anything." Because you can. There is no excuse not to do this challenge. Having said that however, it of course is not mandatory. But I truly hope everyone will do it. And if you do, I promise you you will see results.
(They can do 1, 2 or 3 of the below challenges...with rewards and penalties for each. Or none at all.)
1) NO SODA for the entire week. Not regular, not diet. None, nada.
2) No eating out for the entire week. None. No Subway, no "But what if I get a salad?" Nope. Nothing.
3) NO SUGAR for the entire week. This does not mean you have to read the label of every item you eat. It is a common sense challenge. No cupcakes, no candy, no sugared cereal, etc. If when you eat it you think of it as a sugary food, don't eat it. Fruits are fine as they are a natural sugar.
So put yourselves first this week. I don't want to hear "Well I'll be at a party!" or "But I'm going on vacation!" or "But I HAVE to...." etc etc. This is a no excuses week. There is no reason why we can't do this for one single week. We are strong and we are capable. Tell your families your challenge and have them do it with you! But even if they won't....put yourself first. You are important. This is YOUR journey. Don't let anyone else dictate it for you. This week will be very hard, but if you do it...you won't regret it :) Good luck everyone!!!"
So that's the challenge for this next week and I fully expect people to hate me for it haha. Is it hard? Of course. Is it going to be miserable? Probably more for some than for others, but yes. But it will also help us to realize that we don't NEED those things. The more we eat them, the more we crave them...and then we blame the scale when it doesn't show us a number we like. But it's not all about the number. It's about changing our lives. Permanently. This isn't a diet. This is a change for the better. No one's asking anyone to give up these things forever. God knows that I need a cupcake every once in a while or someone gets hurt!
I challenge anyone reading this to try something similar in their own journey. Challenge your spouses and your kids..or your parents. What can you give up for a week? The things you have the hardest time parting with are probably the thing you need to give up the most! As for me, I will be doing all 3. The no soda thing will be easy as I've already implemented that in my home, but the other two....oh man.
So we'll see how it goes! No excuses. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch!! :)
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Reflection...
Today I decided to sit down and re-read my blog from the beginning. I wanted to remember where I started and what I went through. I've mentioned in several of my blog entries how I sometimes have a hard time seeing how far I've come..and reading all those entries helped me to see it in more ways than one.
September 2010 Present Day
Weight 330 238
BMI 48% 34%
Diet HCG/no exercise 5-6 days in the gym/eating 1400 cals a day
Mile time Uh..20 mins walking 13:30 and I can jog the whole thing
Clothing size 28 18/20
Shoe size 11 10 1/2 (even my feet lost weight!)
Favorite meal Big Mac/Fries/anything Italian Zupas soup and salad
Favorite Drink Mountain Dew/Diet Coke Water!!! (I only drink soda maybe once a month)
There's probably more, but these are a pretty good way for me to see just how far I have come. I haven't just lost weight, I've become a completely different person. I wish I had done it all sooner, but I'm just grateful that that switch inside of me finally flipped and I'm no longer dieting. I just live differently. I'm healthier, I'm happier and I'm more excited about the future.
I've had quite a few people in my zumba class come up to me this past week to comment on my weight loss and ask me what diet I'm doing. It's always fun to watch their face drop when I tell them that it's just eating right and exercising. One lady and I got to talking and HCG came up and she said she was about to try it. I told her that I really wouldn't recommend it to ANYONE and that it was miserable for me. I had to laugh today reading back over my blog about my experience with HCG. I had people telling me it was a bad idea and unhealthy and I shouldn't do it but I was stubborn and determined and I lost 40+ lbs on it!! But just as most people had predicted...I gained almost all of it back. It was a quick fix. It was a "diet". It wasn't sustainable. It was painful and stressful and I'm 99% certain it caused my kidney stone. But I think in a messed up way, it also showed me that losing weight wasn't impossible. That I didn't HAVE to weigh 330 lbs my entire life. I had a choice.
That choice has saved my life...and it just keeps getting better.
September 2010 Present Day
Weight 330 238
BMI 48% 34%
Diet HCG/no exercise 5-6 days in the gym/eating 1400 cals a day
Mile time Uh..20 mins walking 13:30 and I can jog the whole thing
Clothing size 28 18/20
Shoe size 11 10 1/2 (even my feet lost weight!)
Favorite meal Big Mac/Fries/anything Italian Zupas soup and salad
Favorite Drink Mountain Dew/Diet Coke Water!!! (I only drink soda maybe once a month)
There's probably more, but these are a pretty good way for me to see just how far I have come. I haven't just lost weight, I've become a completely different person. I wish I had done it all sooner, but I'm just grateful that that switch inside of me finally flipped and I'm no longer dieting. I just live differently. I'm healthier, I'm happier and I'm more excited about the future.
I've had quite a few people in my zumba class come up to me this past week to comment on my weight loss and ask me what diet I'm doing. It's always fun to watch their face drop when I tell them that it's just eating right and exercising. One lady and I got to talking and HCG came up and she said she was about to try it. I told her that I really wouldn't recommend it to ANYONE and that it was miserable for me. I had to laugh today reading back over my blog about my experience with HCG. I had people telling me it was a bad idea and unhealthy and I shouldn't do it but I was stubborn and determined and I lost 40+ lbs on it!! But just as most people had predicted...I gained almost all of it back. It was a quick fix. It was a "diet". It wasn't sustainable. It was painful and stressful and I'm 99% certain it caused my kidney stone. But I think in a messed up way, it also showed me that losing weight wasn't impossible. That I didn't HAVE to weigh 330 lbs my entire life. I had a choice.
That choice has saved my life...and it just keeps getting better.
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