With all the depression and eating I've had/been doing lately, I've stayed away from the scale. I knew I was creeping closer back towards 300 lbs. and didn't want to see that and hurl myself into a deeper depression. But after watching 3 episodes of Biggest Loser yesterday and seeing how much weight these women were losing...I was thinking to myself, "Okay..enough. You're going to get on that scale and face what you've done to yourself the past month and then FIX IT." I decided that if I can't lose 7 lbs by myself with lots of exercise and eating right (like I supposedly had trained myself to do)...then I'm going back on the drops and doing it the hard way.
So I stepped on the scale this morning and managed to not break into tears when I saw 298.8 show up. That means that since I went off the drops last time, I've gained back 10 lbs...6 of which were just from my horrible comfort eating/being sick over the past month. I'm glad I didn't quite hit 300, but I'm beyond upset with myself for letting this happen. Nathan comes home in 3 weeks and I want to look smaller, not bigger. So now I'm going to hop on my elliptical (after popping some fruit and almonds down the hatch) and watch some more Biggest Loser while I do it. My workout is going to come from sheer anger today and disappointment in myself.
I WILL NOT GO BACK TO 300 LBS! I won't. I can't.
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