More and more people are pointing out to me that I haven't written on my blog in quite a while. The guilt is sinking in and I decided it was time to do it. As I'm sure most of you guessed...I wasn't writing because I wasn't proud of what I was doing.
Since Nathan left for Amsterdam, my stress and depression levels have climbed and I fell back on my all time favorite comfort. Food. I'm not proud of it, but it did it's job...temporarily anyway. Luckily over the past month I only gained a couple pounds. I'm around 294 right now. Considering the gross amount of food I've taken in since Nathan left, I'm amazed and lucky that it's not more. Well, let me rephrase that. It's not so much the amount of food as WHAT I've been eating. Between being sick and being depressed...nothing was off the menu. But then of course there were also days where I didn't eat anything at all until dinnertime...which isn't any better for my body either.
Today I had the first protein shake I've had in weeks. I also went grocery shopping and bought some more healthier options for snacks and stocked up on fruits and veggies. It's a start. Within the next few weeks, I plan on going back on the hcg drops and getting my butt back in gear so that I can start losing again.
My dad pointed out to me something that is very true. While the comfort eating may be comforting (for now)...if I undo all the hard work I did, I'll be SO disappointed in myself. And it was hard work. I earned every pound I lost and if I hit 300 lbs again, I know I'll sink into a depression I will have a hell of a time climbing back out of.
So enough with the compulsive eating. I need to remember that it's okay for me to still have the things I like, I just need to balance it out in moderation and make sure I'm eating all the other things I'm supposed to be. The carbs won't kick my ass if I'm making sure to eat all my protein too.
So there ya have it...I wrote on my blog. Hopefully I'll do it again tomorrow...and the day after that. Accountability is a huge part of why this has been working for me...so good or bad days, I need to write them down! Thank you guys for reading and supporting me. It helps more than you know.
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