Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A little more encouraged

So I'm another 2.5 lbs lighter today. That's 7.5 in total. Yay! Yesterday was really hard, however, and I'm really praying that today is the day this gets easier.

Sunday was the massive migraine day..and yesterday was "I feel like a starving person who hasn't eaten in months" day. It's kind of hard to describe the feeling really. I felt like I had to force myself to finish my dinner because it really is a lot of veggies and it's filling. BUT! I still felt like I was starving afterward. Does that even make sense? Starving but can't eat anymore? It's a horrible feeling and I really want that day to come when I feel full.

Maeli gave me some appetite suppressants yesterday, ironically, that really didn't seem to help at all. I found it kind of depressing that I actually felt the complete opposite. Maybe they just take time to work like everything else. I'm trying to be patient. Hopefully today will be a bit easier. The 2.5 lb. loss definitely perks my mood for the day and helps with everything else.

The other thing that's making this harder is that I keep feeling a tickle in my throat that's threatening to explode into something worse. I keep thinking it's gone away and feel fine and then last night it was cough-up-a-lung city around here. Nathan was very sweet and went to buy me some sugar free cough drops at like 11pm last night but for now I'm just keeping them on hand and refuse to use anything that could throw off this diet. They still have sugar alcohols in them, which are known to be hcg diet stallers and in this first round it's the most important time NOT to stray from the diet. Yes I know, I need to take care of myself and if this does turn into a full blown illness I'll have no choice. But I'm hoping and praying that it goes away instead.

Speaking of praying. I hadn't in a long time. My faith is something that I've been confused about for a long time...but I've finally found this will power in me that I didn't even know I had and I want this so badly...that I actually prayed last night. Does that make me greedy? To pray after so long because of how badly I want this...want to improve my health and essentially save my own life? I felt guilty doing it, but I had to. I'm crying just typing this, that's how emotional a deal this is for me. I don't just "want" to lose weight. I need to. I have to. And I am GOING TO. But I can't do this alone and I can't do it sick. So I prayed to my heavenly father for some help. I asked him to keep me healthy and to help me keep this desire I have so that I can make it through the hard days. And what started out as a prayer about me...turned into long long talk with someone I haven't talked to in a long time. Who knows. Maybe this diet will save me in more ways than I thought.

Now where did I put that blasted water bottle.

7 comments:

  1. We love you honey... Drink away the sickness... Pee it out pee it out.. way out.

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  2. Yoga and meditation will give you the same peace and strength (mental and physical) without the guilt for not being perfect.

    Carrying guilt around (for things that are only considered wrong by certain religious sects, not all religions or cultures) can impede your physical and spiritual growth. Have you purposely killed anyone? Have you purposely hurt some one for selfish reasons? If you answered NO to those questions, then let the GUILT GO!

    If you wake up each day HOPING to be a better mother & wife then start living today with a clear conscious, a full heart and optimism that you can do this!

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  3. I was very moved by your comments, Jill. I've come to realize that I have a food addiction and there's only person I can really turn to to help me get through this and never go back. I've tried by myself numerous times and have been successful a few times but never with lasting results. I need someone stronger than me to help me realize my addiction and help me through to the bitter end (which isn't when all the weight is gone). That's only the beginning. I love you more than you know and blessed to call you my baby Jill :-)

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  4. Thank you Nathan and mom for the love and support. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. And Heidi (yes, I know that's Heidi my friend not Heidi my sister haha) thank you so much for the comments. They help :) Hope you're doing well and miss you!

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  5. Wow Jill, I'm so proud of you! You are inspiring to all those who will witness this change in you! Change is GOOD! Embrace it and know that only ONE person has experienced these things the exact way that you have and that is Christ. But he is there...and so is your family and as Rafiki from the Lion King says," It doesn't matter, it's in da past!" What matters to God is what you did today and what you will do tomorrow! I love you so much and hope you know that you can call me whenever you need to chat! I have helped quite a few people lose weight before and it takes alot of mental strength which you have in you! You can do it BEN!

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  6. Jilly Pilly~

    Congratulations on the new and improved JBT!

    You have soooooo many reasons to put your head down and plow through, but the pictures of those little binsies on the fridge are definitely numbers 1, 2 and 3. Wanting to be healthy so that you will be there for them as they turn into teenagers and then parents of your grandbabies is no how, no way a greedy thing. Being humbled to the point that we recognize our need for God is a tender mercy, not something to be ashamed of.

    Don't forget that God is a perfect parent, and even we (as imperfect as we are) wouldn't turn our backs on our children when they come pleading for our help. He is and will be there for you.

    As far as the cold goes, think of it as a speed bump. Are you going to make a U-turn just because of a little ol' bump in the road? Heck no! Work up a little speed and let's see how much air you can get...WHEEEEEEE!!!

    Hugs and kisses, thoughts and prayers!

    Your Auntie LaShel

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  7. God thinks far more highly of you than you do. I'm sure he was grateful to hear from one of his favorite people! With God all things are possible, if not easier. I use easier loosely, but know laying our burden on him gives us a lift up. Someone who knows exactly how we feel, what we think, and the desires of our hearts. Find the faith and keep it! You can do this!

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