That's more like it!

I'm SO glad I decided to stop weighing every day on this diet. My stress levels are down...I can focus on other things besides my being hungry/deprived...AND!! I'm down 10.2 lbs! Considering my first 2 days of this past week were loading days and I probably gained a few pounds, I actually lost MORE than 10.2 But 10.2 from where I started out is great! I'm only 3 lbs away from my lowest weight, which is totally doable. Nathan is also down 7.2 lbs this week which is so great :) He'd gained back 12 as well so we're both having to shed some lbs we'd already shed...or so we thought.

I needed the scale to be good to me today. Yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to just make a batch of brownies and eat the whole thing and just embrace being fat forever. I think part of me is scared to be anything else. This is who I've been for such a long time and it's what I'm used to. I'm NOT used to walking into the pool for my kids swim lessons and having to keep pulling up my pants! haha. It's a really weird feeling to be too small for some of my clothes. Of course I WANT to be skinny, but I have a lot of work emotionally to do as well as physically to get there.

My favorite show right now is Season 11 of the Biggest Loser. I'd never watched a full season before, but now I wish I had. It is so inspiring to watch these people going through what I'm going through...and making a change. Sure they're doing it in an extreme and restricted environment, but they still have to do the work..both physically and mentally. And it's hard! Some of them have lost 100 lbs or more but they still have the mindset of an overweight person, and that's hard to break. Feeling ashamed, alone, embarassed...not wanting people to see you (especially if you're eating) and just not liking yourself. They're all things that we beat into ourselves for years and years and losing weight requires a change in all of that.

So as the pounds come off, that's something I need to try to work on as well. Realizing...that I'm pretty damn awesome and I don't need to be ashamed of who I am. Maybe one day I'll really believe that.