The obesity marker...

Ha...I feel like that title should be the name of an episode of "The Big Bang Theory", but I love that show so it's okay. This blog is about my Nathan! He is 6'4", so the obesity line for him is at 250 lbs. He passed that yesterday and I am SO excited for him! That's a huge deal! He's now at 248.4 and still going. He was in such a great mood yesterday and dancing around all skinny like haha. It's great to see him feeling good about himself. I'm still amazed at how far he's come. When I started my first round of this diet in November, he was around 275 lbs. One day I'll weigh less than him, but it'll be a while if he keeps losing at this rate haha. Keep up the great work baby!

As for me, I'm down another .6 today. Not too bad, but still feeling bloated and blech. That obesity marker is still a ways away for me. Around 220 or so I believe. But I'll get there eventually.

Today's cravings are brought to you by Pizza Hut, Mountain Dew and a GIANT chocolate cake! Excuse me while I go fill up my water bottle again *sighs*

About that time again...

So yesterday I was up .4 and today I was down .6 from there (so down .2 over the last 2 days basically). I was wondering why and last night I found out. It's ..you guessed it...that time of the month again. Another TMI blog, brought to you by the letters UGH and the number..well.. POINT 2!

I hate this part of my diet because I retain water like crazy and just feel overall BLECH. And of course, stalling on my weight loss isn't any fun either...especially when I've only got 1 week left on these damn drops. I swear if I ever do a round 3 several months down the road, I'm going to try and load on these kinds of days so that it doesn't hit me halfway through the drops phase and throw me off my goal. I was really hoping to hit that 50 lb. mark by next weekend but now I'll settle for 45. I know 50 won't be far behind it and it will feel even better if I get there on my own with diet and exercise.

So here's hoping that this "thing" goes away quickly and doesn't ruin my entire week. Of course Nathan won't have THIS problem. Lucky bastard.

40 pounds GONE!

I'm still in awe of that number. 40. FORTY POUNDS OF FAT gone from my body. I don't think people really realize just how much that is. That's 160 sticks of butter. 160!!!! It's kinda disgusting haha. And to think I still have as much as I do left to lose! I am 290.2 today and I can't believe I'm almost into the 280's. That doesn't sound so horrible.

I texted Maeli this morning to let her know I'd hit that huge milestone and told her I'll probably come in next week just to have her do my measurements and a pinch test so I can see exactly how much fat I've lost. She was so proud of me..it felt great. She may have cost a fortune to get me started on this diet, but she really did help me out a lot.

Nathan started losing again today. He's down to 251.8, which is great. Not too bad of a stall for drinking a whole bottle of Mt. Dew *mutters* He's lucky it wasn't worse than it was..but I'm glad. He joked this morning after seeing his weight had dropped again..."So does that mean I can have another one today?" HA! No. We only have 9 more days on the drops. Then we can ease some of the good stuff back in. Like cheese! Mmmmmmmmmm cheese.

Our tax returns should be in in a few weeks as well and then we can start planning our trip to Vegas! We're getting re-married in the next couple of months and decided that instead of planning some big she-bang..we're just going to take a much needed vacation alone and get hitched Vegas style. Get a really nice hotel...eat whatever we want (diet be damned) and go see lots of neat things you can only see in Vegas. So until then..we'll work our butts off and try to lose as many sticks of butter off these bodies as we can!

Ohhh yeah baby!

Yesterday was really rough. A good friend of mine is doing this diet with me over the internet..or was. She didn't have the guidance of a nutritionist like I did with Maeli so I'd just written up the pointers I was given and was just trying to help her through it and be her support system. She was having a really rough time because she thought it'd be better to eat less than 500 calories and then wondered why she wasn't losing. Then she would eat things that weren't on the allowed foods list and ended up gaining 2 lbs. I felt so bad that I couldn't get her through this. She was just miserable. Yesterday she finally told me that she'd gone off the drops on Sunday and even went so far as to go to McDonald's yesterday. My heart sank..I so wanted for her to enjoy the success I have as she doesn't weigh much less than me (at my current weight that is) and she was really wanting to lose it. But this diet isn't for everyone and it IS really really hard. Hopefully she can find something that works for her like this has for me. I just want her to be happy.

Yesterday was also the day that Nathan cheated on his diet!! Yes you mister. He caved and had a Mountain Dew at work. I really don't know how he hasn't cheated before now. His co-workers are jerks when it comes to this diet. They eat some new treat in front of him every single day just to try and make him crack..so I guess a Mountain Dew isn't the worst he could do. But as expected..he gained .4 today and will probably stall for a few days before going back down again. I know you can do it baby...stick it out with me! 1 1/2 weeks left!!

So yeah..yesterday was rough because it made it that much harder for me to stick to the diet when I felt like no one else was. It took everything I had not to just drive down to the 24/7 Mickey D's and get a Big Mac & Fries and NON-diet soda. But I managed to fight back the urge and lost 1.2 lbs today! WOOHOOO! That makes it worth it to me. Especially after 2 days of .4 losses. I'm now .6 lbs from hitting that 40 pound mark and I'm SO excited. I never thought I'd ever lose that much weight...ever. I really thought I'd be over 300 lbs until I died. SO this is pretty stinkin cool.

291.2!!! OH yeah baby!!!

Nickel n' Dimin'

Down another .4 today and the frustration begins. I suppose I should still be grateful I'm at least losing...but .4 at a time is just slowwwwwww. And it always seems to happen when I'm about to break into the next 10 pounds. I'm SO close to having lost 40 lbs and I just want to get there!

Nathan was down 1 lb today. Yay!! He really is doing so freaking well on this diet, I'm grateful for his success. We've both had nights where we're just mentally hungry and have wanted so badly to just fade out of the drops early so we can eat...but he said to me, "Nah, it's just 2 more weeks...I'm not a quitter." He keeps me going when I am REALLY tired of this diet. Round 1 was physically hard. Round 2, for me, has been mentally exhausting. I feel great 99% of the time, I'm just sick of it. I look forward to having months of a NORMAL diet...healthy one of course, but normal nonetheless.

So for now, I'm nickel n' dimin' it ...and hoping that I can break 20 lbs again on this round. 7.2 to go!

Stupid red meat...

Steak is the best part about this diet. It's nummy and it's something that in normal, every day life, I've never really gotten to eat very often. It was always kind of seen as a luxury food. The problem is...if you eat it too often on this diet, it can cause a stall as it takes longer for the body to metabolise than lighter meats *sighs*

So just as I suspected..2 mornings after eating the steak, it's caught up to me. I was only down .4 today (292.8) and Nathan was only down .8 It's better than nothing, but it still has me worried about the second week slow down I had last time. I don't want to relive the frustration of doing this diet perfectly and having my weight stay around a certain # for 5-6 days..up and down. I want to lose more weight this round than I did last time and I'm already more than halfway there.

So I guess that means more chicken and fish and less (if any at all) red meat *sighs*

The sleep method...

So Nathan and I had some steak last night and it was cooked like...medium rare. Probably not the healthiest for this diet, but it was good. This morning Nathan was only down .2..so I figured we were both going to hit a stall over it. Sure enough when I got up really early and weighed myself, I was at exactly the same weight as yesterday.

So I took my drops and got the kids off to school, and since Emma was still passed out in my bed, I went to lie back down with her. 2 hours later (Yay for sleep!) she woke me up to play. So I went and re-weighed myself. Now I've talked about this before but now I'm a more firm believer than ever in this "take your drops then sleep more" diet haha. 2 hours later, with drops in my system, I had lost 1.6 lbs. I don't know why it works, but it does...every single time I've ever done it. Get up early, take the drops...and sleep for another hour or two. Voila! Weightloss.

So now I'm down 12 lbs. on round 2...almost the same as I was at this time on round 1. Over the next few days is where I get nervous. Week 2 was where I started to stall out and had some weight gain even. So we'll see how it goes.

The other option...

So Nathan and I were looking at a weight/height/BMI chart today to see how low we have to get to get out of the obese category. Nathan is 6'4" so he needs to get to about 250 to be borderline obese. He's almost there! He weighed in at 254.6 today and I'm SO excited for him! At his height, he really only needs to get down to like 220 lbs to be at a good weight and be healthy. He'll be there in no time :)

Me, however...

At 5'10" inches, I'd need to reach about 210 to be out of the obese categoy..so I still have another 85 lbs to go. That's overwhelming to think about, but I'm 36 lbs closer than before. I was down another 1.4 today, which technically puts me at 35.8 total (10.4 for the round). So I was groaning over Nathan's shoulder while looking at this chart and he says, "Well..you could always just grow 2 inches instead." Yeah..I'll try that, that will be easier!! *focuses and grunts* Nope, didn't work.

Oh well...back to the weight loss option I guess.

Just a quick update

I'm running on little sleep and am kinda cranky today so just a quick update :) I'm down another 1.2 lbs. today and Nathan was down .6! Yay! That puts me at 9 for the cycle and 34.4 total..and 9.8 total for him. Woohooo! Things are still going well, we're just both really fighting the cravings right now. The hunger pains are minimal, but we're still wanting to just go to Rancheritos and pile on the numminess.

One really awesome thing we realized too is that since I started my very first round of hcg...Nathan has lost almost 20 lbs! He lost 10 on what my mom calls the "no food in the house" diet...though we still had some of the kids munchies stuff. But he was trying to hard to be supportive of me that he lost weight in the process. So he's doing awesome!

We'll be a couple of hotties when Vegas time comes around in a month or two.

Breaking Habits and Breaking Out

So I was only down 1 lb. today, but Nathan was down 2.4! So yay Nathan! However...naughty Nathan saw a packet of crackers on the counter today and snatched one up without even thinking. He got all upset when he realized what he'd just eaten but it'll be okay. It's just a habit that's hard to break. Ya see something sitting out and ya just wanna grab one..or a handful...cause you're hungry. It's just like wanting to lick brownie batter off your finger *cries*. It's a habit you have to break on this diet and it's hard! Nathan's got co-workers all around him right now eating chocolate cake and he's having to not give in to habit and join in. Him doing this diet is infinitely harder than it was for me, simply because I got to stay home and control my environment. His co-workers aren't exactly the most supportive people. It's like they're trying to see who can make him crack first. But I know he can do it. I KNOW he can. And then they'll all be chunky and he'll be the skinny guy with a six pack. So HA!

The other thing I hate about this diet is that I get acne...more than I ever do at any other time. As my mom said to me..when this stuff is working really well, you can almost feel your fat coming out of your pores. That sounds pretty nasty..and yeah, your face can get oilier than usual. So now I have this giant zit on my chin and it hurts! I've always been overweight, but I've always had a great complexion. It was the thing I was always complimented on growing up, so I've kinda clung to that. But now it's all icky and I hate that haha.

Okay I'm freakin hungry. I'm done writing for now.

Never going back..

I finally did it. I finally broke 300 lbs and I'm NEVER going back!!! 298.4 to be exact and if I didn't have a massive headache I'd be screaming and jumping up and down! I don't remember the last time the number on the scale started with a two and I am nearly in tears just writing it. It's still a horribly obese weight for me to be, but its 32 lbs. less than I was..and it's never going to be that high again.

I feel like there's so much more I should write for such a huge milestone but I honestly can't think of anything other than I just feel so..damn...happy.

That's just mean!!!

So on the plus side, I've now passed the 30 pound mark! YAY! On the down side...I'm at 300.2 lbs. POINT 2!! That is so not cool! It was kinda funny because I knew I could break 300 today but before even stepping on the scale I said to myself, "It's going to taunt me and put me .2 over, I know it is." And sure enough....

Still though, losing 1.8 is a pretty good day. Not to mention, Nathan was down another 3.4 lbs to put him at 260.6! I'm so excited at how well this is going and we're only on day 4. I really am grateful for how much easier this round has been thus far *knock on wood*. I haven't had any bad hunger pains and no massive mind splitting headache. Of course, I was stupid last night and made brownies for my children, which caused me to have to muster up every ounce of will power I had NOT to have one. Nathan reminded me how close I was to breaking 300 and I managed to resist but even he stood there looking over them and drooling haha. Mmmm brownies. I had actually bought the mix (cookie/brownie mix...my favorite) for loading days but we were so freaking full on other crap, we never got to them! So hopefully I can get my kids to eat the rest today haha.

The thing I'm having the hardest time with, I think, is just boredom. Having already done this once, I've gotten bored a lot quicker with the restrictive menu that I'm allowed to eat. And of course, each day goes slower than the one before it..so it feels like maintenance will never be here. I just need to keep reminding myself that after maintenance this time..I won't be doing another round for a few months and I'll be able to have those brownies sometime.

But for now...orange time!

So close I can taste it!!

For the second day in a row, I've lost 4 lbs. That still only puts me 3 below where I started but it also puts me only 2 lbs away from breaking 300!! I honestly don't remember the last time I was in the 200's. I "think" it was when Gregory was a few years old maybe? Years and years ago though. And I am more excited than I can even begin to explain...to be back under 300.

When I met Nathan in 1998, I weighed 190 lbs. Even then, I was doing Jenny Craig and had just lost about 20 lbs. My pregnancy with Gregory, however, was really hard on my body and I gained about 80 lbs in 9 months. My blood pressure was crazy scary high and the whole time I was just miserable. With Ari and Emma, I only gained about 12-15 lbs each time and the pregnancies and labor were much easier..but I never managed to lose any weight in between. When I finally topped out around 330 my weight just stayed there. I ate what I wanted and it didn't go up or down, it just waivered right there. When we bought our elliptical and I tried to get serious about doing that every day...I lost 11 lbs in about 2 months but then I fell down my stairs and got a horrible bone bruise and it killed my momentum as I couldn't use the elliptical for quite a while. My weight then went back up to 330 and stayed there again.

This is the first time I've been able to lose weight...keep it off...and be EXCITED about doing it. It's fun to have Nathan doing it with me, though it's an adjustment trying to feed the kids completely separately. I'm always afraid I'll forget they haven't eaten yet because I already have haha. Nathan lost 3.6 lbs today. That's so awesome!! So far he's having an easier time of it than I did my first round, though we've both had mild headaches. But we're not dying of hunger and we're still able to sleep. His biggest complaint is peeing so much haha. The water is hard to get used to but its really no different then if you're not dieting. Water intake should always be half your body weight in ounces, no matter if you're dieting or not. Neither of us is used to drinking that much though. Poor guy's been gettin teased at work..co-workers talking about water falls and sprinklers and rain. I told him "Now you know how I feel when you do that to me!!" haha. Live and learn. I love him for doin it though.

2 more pounds! WOOHOO! Too bad I won't be able to celebrate with cake.

Ahh...much better

The crappy feeling of being drowned in grease has finally passed. Now I'm just waiting for the hunger pains to hit haha. We'll see which is worse! The first day of 500 calories is always easy because your body is still working off the food from the loading days..and as crappy as I felt, I didn't want to eat anyway. This is where it starts to get harder.

Just like with round one, I was down 4.2 lbs after the first day. Yay me n' stuff. Nathan was down 1.4. Woohoo! I'm not letting myself get all worked up about it though because that happened last time and then from there on out it was usually 1 pound...if that haha. Besides, I gained more during loading days this time. I'll be excited when I break 300...THEN I'll let myself get worked up. I've been hovering between 305 and 310 for a month now and it's driving me crazy!

I think this time it will be so much easier though because I do know what to expect...and my body has already cleaned out all the nasty stuff from before my first round...like yeast and whatever other toxins were making me feel like crap. So "hopefully" this time it will be easier.

Yesterday I taught nathan how to use the website I use to add up my calories for the day. It's www.nutrimirror.com He said, "Can't you just tell me what to eat and I'll eat it?" After pointing out I wasn't his mother *snickers* I told him that the whole point in him doing this himself is to learn a healthier lifestyle. If I just say "open up" and shove the proper portions in his mouth, he won't learn and will go right back to doing what we were before. So he whined at me, but learned it haha. I'm proud of him and grateful that he's doing this with me. It helps so much to have someone so supportive right beside me. I love you baby :)

Here we go...

Oh man do I feel like crap run over by 10 semi-trucks....times 10. Seriously. Apparently loading days are a lot less pleasant after you've already done 1 round of hcg/maintenance and your body has gotten used to NOT eating crap...and gotten used to NOT eating a lot...and your stomach has SHRUNK! I honestly don't think we really ate that much yesterday, but I feel like my stomach is still about to explode...and it's the next day!

We went to Five Guys burgers & fries last night. They built one near our house and we'd heard all the raves about it and agreed we'd try it out on our loading day. It really was very good...but after not having burgers & fries for 2 months, my body did NOT like it. At all. I suppose it's a good way to remind myself of why I'm doing this and that my body actually does prefer the healthier foods. In the past I could just say it was worth the stomach troubles, but not anymore. This really isn't worth it.

So today starts our second phase...500 calories a day. I know today will be pretty easy because we're both still feeling pretty damn full from the weekend's overeating, but I'll admit I'm really nervous about this first week as it progresses. Last time around, the first week was miserable for me and I nearly quit. I'm hoping my body manages it better this time around, because I really don't want to relive all of that. I also hope that Nathan doesn't have as rough a first week as I did. At least in this case I CAN say it was worth it. And I'm doing it again, so it must be.

We both gained quite a few pounds back from loading, but that's normal. Nathan's now at 269 and I'm at 310.2. Tomorrow those numbers will probably take a big dive. Here's hoping. Below I'm posting our "before" pictures. Although mine can kinda be seen as "after" pics from my last round too I guess although you can tell how crappy I feel by looking at them haha. I promised myself I'd post them though, so be nice! So phase two, here we go. Wish us luck!

Round 2! *Ding Ding!*

So I did manage to lose another 1/2 a pound this week but I've decided to go ahead and start round two of hcg this weekend. The difference this time is that Nathan will be doing it with me! YAY! Maeli kept telling me not to do it at the same time because he'll probably lose faster than me and it might upset me...but I don't see it as a competition. I'm sooo freaking excited to see how much he loses and to help him with the diet and get us both into a healthier lifestyle together.

So today starts our first loading day...although we started, technically, last night and took our first set of drops before ordering our first pizza in months. I totally pigged out and I'm not ashamed haha. We ordered my favorite...thin crust ham & pineapple pizza and some wings. I don't remember the last time I ate that much!! Oh how I love loading days. Of course I felt like crap later cause my body isn't used to it but it tasted good haha. But we're going to try and not just eat junk either. We bought our very first avacados to make some guacamole with. Avacados are a really good kind of fat, especially for loading days so we'll see how that goes. We also stocked up on nuts, which are good. But we all know I'm going to take advantage of basically having permission to eat whatever the crap I want....and eat exactly that. I even bought some Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and some chocolate chip muffins *drools* Then come Sunday...its back to Chicken, fish and lots of veggies haha. Time to stock up on the Walden Farms dressings and BBQ sauce again! This time around I also have some of their 0 calorie chocolate dip, courtesy of my mom..so we'll see how that goes.

So....as my friend Jen put it...today is R2P1D1 (Round 2, Phase 1, Day 1). And we're off! Measurements have been taken for both Nathan and myself. I won't post them here cause it's just a bunch of numbers. But starting weight for me is 305.2, and Nathan's is 265.8. Wish us luck! Now excuse me while I go eat another muffin. Woohoo!

Oops?

So...there's a new Rancheritos (Betos) right by our house and I've always LOVED their food. I'd been really good lately about my diet so I told Nathan to bring home dinner and figured I'd get full on half a burrito and be done with it. Yeah....I nearly ate the whole thing. And then had a serving of my "no sugar added" ice cream...and some Mountain Dew. Oops? haha. I can't say I felt guilty per se...I just knew it wasn't the best choice for my diet. But I remembered what Maeli told me.

She said if you do eat more than you should..or eat things you really shouldn't..the most important thing is what you do next. If you get up and let it ruin your whole rhythm and skip breakfast or eat carbs upon carbs, you'll gain weight. But if you overcompensate...you can balance it out. So today I've been super uber good! I cut the carbs out of my breakfast AND my snack and for lunch I'm just having a protein shake. So hopefully when its time for my next trip to the scale...her method proves to work.

It's okay to eat some of what you want once in a while. The trick is to not overdo it. Everything in moderation. And when you do slip up...overcompensate to fix it! Protein protein protein! I also got in my 40 minutes on the elliptical this morning so hopefully that will help too. *sighs* It's so much easier to give up sugar and candy and baked goods than it is to give up fatty foods like super nummy burritos with sour cream and cheese in them. Dammit, now I'm hungry again. Oops.

Another goal to reach...

While I was sitting poolside for Emma's lessons again this morning, my eyes wandered around the enormous aquatic center and up to the giant window that leads into their cardio equipment room. People on treadmills and bikes and ellipticals all lined the window, overlooking the pool. And I decided on another goal. I want to be able to run. Not racewalk, not bounce up and down while walking fast....I want to RUN.

I don't have the best knees, but I know most of that is because of my weight. I want to get to a point where it no longer physically hurts me to even try and run. I want to be able to run a mile without even thinking, like I did in high school. I've never been much for distance running...but I took forgranted that I even could. I ran track one year in high school...and was the secretary for the men's track team at Brigham Young University...and I never really appreciated how good it felt to just put on some music, strap on some running shoes and a pair of shorts and just run.

I know it'll be a while before I get to that point, but its good to set goals all along the way, right? I also wouldn't mind not having to wear two sports bras when I do it *chuckles*

Oh sugar, how I missed thee!

Last night was Gregory's birthday party. I made a marble cake with chocolate frosting. It was just your typical homemade cake, nothing special. But oh man...when I finally tasted it...I swear it was heaven for that brief moment. I'd bought "no sugar added" ice cream to offset the incredibly huge amounts in the cake (amazingly enough 1 serving of the ice cream only has 3 grams of sugar...yay)...but oh man. I've had better cake in my life, but last night..it was the best thing I'd ever eaten in my whole life. Honestly, I was a bit worried that the damn would crumble and the flood of urges I've held back would suddenly come crashing through, causing me to eat the whole cake at once (or even eat it for breakfast today). Surprisingly...I've still only had the one piece! It really is bizarre to me!

It still sounds delicious *licks lips*, but I stuck to a protein shake this morning and cottage cheese and pears for my snack. It's so nice to be able to fit things I enjoy back into my diet again and know that I now have the will power to not over-indulge. It's amazing what you can eat if you know how to properly manage your diet and portions.

Today I'm going to try and make a Boboli pizza I bought the stuff for. The crust is 100% whole wheat and thin, and I won't be able to pile on the toppings, but I've been craving pizza for 2 months now so I'm willing to try anything at this point!

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm tempted to feed my kids cake for all 3 meals today just to get that temptation back out of my sight! Mmmmmm Sugarrrrrrr.

All on my own...

So today was my last meeting with Maeli and I'm officially done with the maintenance phase of my diet. Time to see how I do on my own. And honestly...I think I'll do just fine.

I am down to 305.8 lbs as of today, which has me super excited. I can't even explain it. Hopefully by this time next week I can say I broke that 300 mark I've been aching to get to. (I'm not going to weigh again for another week...if I can help it haha) I also lost another couple of inches over my body..mostly in my shoulders and buttockals (as my dad calls them. Gotta love my family haha) Another great thing is that while I didn't quite reach my goal of 300 lbs. by the end of this round of dieting...I DID reach my goal for body fat percentage! When I started out I was at about 47.5% body fat. As of today I'm at 40%. Yay me!

So now that maintenance is over, I have a bit more leeway with my diet. AND....I can have sugar!! SHOULD I have it? Well no....but if I balance out my carbs properly, like I've learned to do, if I have cake at my son's birthday party today it won't completely screw up my diet or undo the work I've done. My body is officially retrained! I really do feel like a different person. Eating healthy comes naturally to me now and exercise isn't as taxing on my body. I actually enjoy it. I eat 6 small meals a day and drink lots of water...and I don't crave the junk I used to. Will the birthday cake taste good? Um...hell yes. It's cake haha. But I won't eat a giant piece and a huge scoop of ice cream, nor finish off the pan when the kids are at school not looking either.

I know a lot of people have been critical of this diet because while on the drops/500 calorie diet it seemed so extreme...but you can't look at me now and tell me it didn't work exactly the way it was supposed to. I've lost 25 lbs, almost 8% of my body fat, and nearly 50 inches of fat over my entire body...all in 6 weeks! And people can keep calling it a crash diet but look at what I trained my body to do...and my mind. I reset my hypothalamus so that I could re-train my body when and how to process/store/burn my food and fat. And now i'm eating healthier than I ever have..and not because I feel like I HAVE to either. My body actually WANTS to. Was it hard? Hell yes...those 3 weeks I was on the drops were some of the hardest I've had...but it was worth every second. 3 weeks of struggle was worth the complete turn around I've done with my way of thinking and my lifestyle. And 3 weeks of struggle will be more than worth it when a year or two from now I'm literally half the person I was when I started.

I will be doing another round of hcg drops, but not just yet. Since I lost so much weight on my own this last week just with healthy diet and exercise, I'm going to keep going as is and ride it out. When I hit a plateau then I'll give myself another little kick start with another round of hcg. But until then...I'm all on my own :)

Aspiration...

Today I took my daughter to her swimming lesson. As I sat and looked around the pool, inhaling the scent of chlorine..it took me back to when I was a kid/teenager swimming competitively. I always missed it, but it became more apparent today just sitting there watching others do what I used to love. I was pretty damn good too if I remember right. I gave it up when I hit high school in order to play volleyball instead, but I've always missed it.

So today I decided that that's something I want to aspire to doing again. Swimming. And not just lounging around in the pool with the kids swimming either. I want to get myself in shape and get back into lap swimming...rebuild my strength and maybe eventually look into the adult swim team around here. Given, this is something that would be way out in the future when I've lost a lot more of my weight, but it's something that I think I'd enjoy.

I also want to get back into volleyball, now that I think about it. It was also something I did fairly well at (though my sister Heidi can kick my butt now haha)..but it became harder to really play seriously with all this extra weight. I can still wail a ball over the net when I serve, but there's a lot more to it haha. So these things are more motivation for me to lose the weight. I want to get back to doing things "I" enjoy...and not just being the mom all the time.

I think I lost my sense of self and individuality somewhere in all these rolls haha. I've forgotten what it's like to do things for myself and not just for my family. Here's to rediscovering them!

Holy !$@#

So curiosity got the better of me this morning. I wasn't going to weigh again until Friday when I have my last meeting with Maeli, but I just had to know! I was fully expecting to have gained another 10 lbs and spend the day crying, but I needed to know. So after not weighing myself for 6 days, I stepped onto the scale..closed my eyes for a moment..and then looked down. 306.2 was what it read. I did a double take. "That can't be right." So I zero'd out the scale and did it again. Same thing. "HOLY CRAP I LOST 7 POUNDS!!!" I was practically jumping up and down like a little kid at Christmas

Hours later I'm sitting here still in shock that I'm finally losing weight after working my butt off on this maintenance plan. It only took 2 weeks to get the numbers going the right way again but it finally happened. I even cheated a little bit the other day and shared half a burrito with Nathan. It was so good. It would've been worth the half pound gain honestly. I'm in such a good mood now though and I needed that boost.

The plan for me is to start my next round of hcg drops a week from tomorrow, but first I'm going to see if I can lose more just doing this eating right and exercising thing. Now that I've trained myself to do it, it's a lot easier...and healthier. So I guess we'll see. Either way...I'm only 6.2 lbs .from breaking that 300 pound mark and I can't freaking wait!!!

Can I borrow some energy?

9 hours of sleep last night and I'm still feeling just plain yuck. I can't believe I've been in bed before 11pm every night since coming home from Florida, not to mention up at 8am. I suppose it's healthier for me than staying up till 2am and getting up at 10. My body still can't decide if it wants to get sick or not. Make up your mind would ya! I should be eating my cottage cheese and fruit right now so that I can hop on the elliptical for my workout but I just cannot seem to find the energy to even go into the kitchen. Can I borrow some?

They always say youth is wasted on the young and it couldn't feel more true today. I had to wake my 6 year old up to get ready for school. This child can sleep till 11 if you let her, even if she's gone to bed at 9pm the night before. But within a minute of me waking her up she's her perky little smiling self and ready for the day. Can I borrow some of that please?? I mean come on!

So this is now week 3 of maintenance for my diet. I'm allowed to have carbs with my dinner should I choose. I suppose it's a bit more important that I at least remember to actually EAT all my meals. I think my body is trying to rebel again. I'm just not hungry. Some people might say "well that's great, then don't eat, you'll lose weight". But it's not true. If I don't eat breakfast then my body will just store fat anyway, thinking it needs to. Maybe if I stare at the fridge hard enough, it will open and the cottage cheese and fruit will make itself. Maybe.

One of those days

Today is just one of those days. I'm not feeling all that great. I'm just blah. Stuffed up, tired, what have you. Add to that feeling beyond overwhelmed by the mess my kids have made in my house to the point I'm hiding from it, which only makes it worse. It's one of those downward spirals I can just feel coming on. All of this caused me to completely forget all about eating lunch. And now it's 8pm and I'm craving a giant plate of nachos. Maybe I should just climb in bed and start all over tomorrow. Stupid diets! :)

Sugar-free candy is no substitute...

So last night was new years and the kids were picking out treats to have at home. They were so cute, they even picked out sugar free ones. I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, but it still made me smile. So I picked out some for me as well. Yes it's carbs I still should go easy on, but I wanted me some candy so that's what I got. Werther's Originals are not meant to be sugarless. They were um....tolerable, I suppose. The chocolate covered peanuts however, I had to put away before I ate the whole bag. It was the closest thing to sugar I think I could have found, but still not the same *sighs* I think this is the first time I'd really craved anything sugary in a while. I'm not sure why. But it was fun to at least pretend for a few minutes anyway.

It feels good to wake up today, on the first day of a brand new year...and know that I'm already well into my resolution of losing weight. Most people don't start until New Years, but it feels so good to know I started early and I've come a long way before 1-1-11 even hit! I know it sounds so cliche, but that's still my biggest resolution for this year. I want to be half the person I was when I started all of this by the time the next new year comes around...or at least close to it. But numbers aside...I just want to stick to all the hard work I've done and not slide back down the slippery slope. I want to keep my will power as strong as its been the past month and a bit. I couldn't do it without my amazing family. I know I couldn't. I love them so much and thank them for always checking up on me and encouraging me to keep going. I feel so much happier already in life now that I've started to like myself that much more!