So I told myself I wasn't going to weigh the past few days to avoid stress and just weigh myself today before my trip and then again when I get back. Yeah I wish I just hadn't bothered. I was up another 1.6 lbs. after following this diet as closely as I can. Yeah I'm still struggling with eating enough calories but I'm not eating BAD calories either. I'm getting so sick of being stressed out over this diet. I feel like I'm going to gain back all the weight I lost, go back on the drops...lose it again...then gain it back again on maintenance. To me that's just not worth it. I'd rather stay at 330 the rest of my life than work my ass off to exercise and eat healthy and STILL gain weight back up to 330.
I'm really just venting, there's still a part of me that thinks this will level off or it's just a phase or whatever..but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some small part of me that really thinks I'm going to tip the scales at 330 again before I know it...and without doing a damn thing wrong.
We made Christmas cookies yesterday and I think I licked maybe 1/16th of a tsp. of frosting off my finger but I didn't touch a single cookie and I haven't eaten any candy today. Every Christmas we have "McDaddy's" or when Nathan makes them it's "McNathy's". Basically egg mcmuffins but way better than McDonalds. I didn't want to miss out on the tradition so I bought 100% whole wheat english muffins and turkey bacon for mine. Not the best thing in the world but I still got to feel like it was Christmas for a few minutes. I don't really WANT the candy stuff but man those sugar cookies are tempting.
I've started packing for my trip. I leave tonight from SLC at about 12:50am and hopefully everything goes as planned. Apparently Atlanta, where my layover is, is in the middle of a storm. So here's hoping I make it to Florida and don't end up spending my vacation in an airport in Atlanta by myself. I'm trying not to let myself get stressed out and worried about how much weight I'm going to gain on this trip but it's hard not to. I meet with Maeli again on Thursday and I swear if I'm up anymore weight I will cry right there in front of her. I thought everyone says "if you just eat right and exercise you'll lose weight!" Then why the crap am I GAINING IT! I don't buy into 5 lbs of "water retention", sorry.
Okay, I need to go do something Christmasy so this doesn't take over my whole day. Merry Christmas everyone!
Jill - Merry Christmas - you have been doing so well! Keep it up. You know the weight gain could be a food you are eating - you may have an intolerance to it. Just a thought! Remember, you are doing great - you are an inspiration - holding strong around cookies and frosting - better than me! Of course, my frosting didn't come out that great, so what a disappointment - well, maybe I won't eat as much! lol Enjoy your vacation! Give you folks hugs from me!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing - doing so great!!!!
Can't wait to have you here, Jill!!! I'd just throw the scale away and not step on it at all for a whole month. That way, you can just focus on eating and being healthy without the yo yo of a scale tormenting you. I may throw mine out in January... thinking about it. Heidi says I should :-) Easy for her to say, I know! :-) See you late tomorrow night!
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